Hope Of Deliverance

Hope Of Deliverance

As they open the package, nearly 18 years have passed and my girl Janina is now 40 years old with a grown daughter named Annika. She is 19 now and reads her birthday card from her aunt Sabrina: “Hi, I found this in my basement the other day. Somehow it ended up there after your grandmother passed away years ago. I thought you might enjoy having your old toys back. Happy birthday!” Your Aunt Sabrina!

In that moment my eyes behold the light, which carries the sunshine of thousand stars, my Janina! I haven’t seen her in so long. My heart ached every single day in hope to see her one day again!

She recognises me and takes me, pulling me close to her chest and tears roll down my fur as she explained to Annika that she thought I was lost forever and that she thought that she would never see me again. She continued saying: “I even prayed to God to please send Hansi back to me!” So, I guess that worked out! I can feel her heart beating really fast and her hands are shaking and she holds me up in mid air. And in this moment a split second of joy, I can see the sorrow creeping up in her. And all the buried memories coming back like a flash of light hitting her hard right deep down in her soul. I think back on all those dark moments and misery she went through entrusting me and let me into her life. And I hold her spirit within my soul. In those days I seemed to have been the only one she could fully spill her guts to about the hell she was dragged through. I can feel her heart durning dark and the pain coming close to my beloved Janina.

As she holds her breath she flees into the kitchen and goes through the hallway into the office saying she will be right back in a second. She puts me into the bookshelf touches my snout gently and wipes off her tears and has a serious look onto her face saying: “Pull your self together girl you got this, you freaking got this!” She gets out her phone whispering: “ Come Pinterest I need you right now! I don’t have the board fun stuff for no reason!” She swipes through and starts smiling and eventually looks genuinely happy again. As she turns around going back to the living room she asked Janina what else did you get, sweety?”

My heart is jumping for joy.

I was born in Sonneberg, Thuringia the former GDR German Democratic Republic on October 21st in 1988. My father was no one less than the Soviet Union, a sheer marionette for Russia. Ruled by the ultimate Queen of Darkness!

My mother was a hard working women with a good spirit. She gave birth to about 400 per day though each one of us is unique and handmade. So as you can imagine I got lots of siblings.

I remember the lullaby song she sang for me though only 10 minutes were granted to us it felt like eternity to me and I savoured every second. Her gentle hands and her soft and yet magnificent voice gave life to me.

The last words she spoke to me while tapping my butt were be good out there sweetheart!

The next thing I remember was being sold off for a ransom and off I went to my destination. Looking at many people right down into their souls and I knew only to one will belong my heart.

I went through the hands of many but finally I met my girl sweet 7 years old back then. It was her birthday and love at first sight. We knew immediately that we were made for each other and shall remain best friends forever. I’ll be her stuffed Hippopotamus Hansi and she my Janina!

A few months passed and now it’s the year 1989 and the gates of hell were about too close and the people can catch the train to the wind of change. But the stakes were high and endless people were starved out of human kindness. The hearts of many grew cold and bitter. They forgot the place they came from. Lost in the endless cycles of radical change by the hands of the wicked.

Right after the GDR got unified with West Germany, the family moved to Austria where her father found work. Most companies were closed and left many families high and dry, who were forced to relocate.

The adventure should have been short for this family of four, living their long sought after dream in another country, feeling free.

But there was something her father brought with them. Something which crept up into his life like a false friend and not realising the disaster this old friend will bestow over his precious ones. He hooked him with false promises and lies, made him a slave of his own choices. He was a good man filled with love and compassion, had his heart in the right place, but allowed his but few wrong choices to lead him down the road of hell. Alcohol is a tricky one, isn’t it? Either you master it or it will master you. It comes up as innocent and before you know it, it takes your life and steals your loved ones and scars everyone around you. Her mother became overbearing controlling and her sisters drama of choice was a over compulsive disorder issues in order to cope with it. All the while my little girl was too gentle for her own good and became crippled by her fear of people.

Janina loved spending time with her father while I was always at her side listening to all the funny stories he told about his youth. The beauty of innocence.

But it wasn’t long, maybe 5 years in 1997 after they moved down to Austria, that her love was taken and a piece of her heart was ripped out leaving her heart bleeding like an open wound, never to fully heal. It was evening and he was on his way coming home from a late shift when a drunken driver drove over a red traffic light and hit his car so hard he died immediately. Leaving this earth and left behind two daughters and his wife.

One thing she continued treasuring dearly was his love for God and the importance of being kind to others at all times. These she holds dear and close to her heart.

From this point on, things were tough and slowly I spend more time on the open shelves rather when in her beloved arms comforting her. My girl grew up in to a fine young lady and I only saw her for brief moments every now and then, but every time I laid my eyes on my girl my heart made a jump and I knew I could forever trust her with my soul.

One day her mom took me from off the shelf and packed me in a dark box with some over things in her room. And every single moment I remembered the love we shared with each other and the way she touched my spirit.

Time in the end is nothing but a passing moment and sometimes is slows down like a peaceful gentle breeze.

I know for a fact what type Janina’s sister is. There seems to be nothing left, but pure darkness filled with greed. While I lived in that box, I heard her well while she talked to…who was that? I guess her boyfriend at the time or someone of that sort. And she knew damn well who was in that box and that I belong to her. Deliberately she took me and stuffed me in her basement. And like that isn’t enough, she said: “Here you can rot, until you fall apart! You are lucky that I don’t burn you, just so you know, you’re a piece of shit!”

God bless her heart, she is so on the wrong track of life! How can you ever be happy acting so mean in life!

While she was busy sorting through her mothers belongings of which she successfully stripped Janina from entering her owns mothers house by changing the locks and bullying her out. I could hear her sweet voice which was like honey for my soul. And I could hear her spirit break, once again, through the hands of her cunning sister and while her heart was filled with pain and grief. And sadly added one more component to Janina’s strong distrust towards women.

She sold the house and Janina never saw a dime but that was not the worst. What’s worse is Sabrina did not even intend to give her but one picture. For crying out loud, not even her own things like me!

A few days have passed and I have seen that coming but it took her a some days to pull together her courage to face her demons. The way I know her she didn’t even realise she was avoiding the gates of hell.

Eventually the day came while she had a moment for herself. My precious girl sits down right next to me in the red chair sipping on her morning coffee. And I watch while her beautiful grey blue eyes wonder along the bookshelf while listening to the news. Her eyes stop right there and she sees me. First her eyes light up and she takes me down onto her lap and she hugs me close, holding me up like in the old days and putting me on her chest to rest while she snuggles with my big snout.

I know the memories are messing with her and she has a bad case of flashbacks. The type you just want to forget about and wish never happened. I can feel her heart in utter pain. Once again its beating fast and her tears come over me and I kiss her on the neck and she says: “Hansi I missed you so much. It hurt deep down and I honestly thought I would never see you again! I prayed to have you back into my life! I truly believed I left my past behind me buried deep down into the dungeons of my soul!”

Now she is holding me tight and squeezing me ever so slightly while covering me with all her love.

The time where she needed comfort the most she had no one but me. Only seven years old and already going through hell. Being haunted by the spirits of the lost.

It was still the GDR before the wall came down. Oh, how many tears she shed when coming home from school. It was hard for Janina and I am not talking about the curriculum, no. But actually to make it out alive! Only God knows how poisoned the kids minds were in school. I couldn’t believe it, had I not seen it with my own eyes. Not a week went by where she wasn’t covered in blue bruises. They were all over her, arms, legs even her back and stomach. One day she left for school, but came home from the hospital because they beat her up so bad she needed some stitching!

It broke my heart to see my best friend, who is my whole life beaten up so bad from life, literally! What’s most repulsing is that it was done by the hands of boys and not just girls. Though one vicious girl turned out to be behind it all, as Janina told me one day. She charmed those boys with her cute looks and whatever toxic poison came out of her mouth they took for gold and did as they were told like good soldiers without a brain or heart, without any compassion, without any human attribute, worse than animals ever could be! She sparked her fear of females and her cunning sister did nothing to restore her misbelieve. But hopefully her sweet daughter will prove her wrong! That’s the course of life sometimes. We come across people who will show us the unending love of eternity.

I know her heart and she mine. Through all this time I could feel her longing to see me again.

One day when she was about 10 years old, she held me up and promised me to never leave me. She would walk through the gates of hell to find me! My heart felt heavy at times, of having been separated, through the distance of time, of not being able to see her graceful eyes looking at me. Nevertheless, I trusted God that he would one day unite us and take the wheel of time from between us away and make us one in spirit!

With her caring and gentle voice she tells me: “How much she longed to see me! Only with you I am able to find true closure!”

That touches me deeply and we feel comforted in each others arms!”

As she holds me up she squints her eyes tilts her head and her mouths opens up in surprise. She says: “Dear Mother of Jesus, did you always had pink nostrils and pink soles that whole freaking time? Why one earth am I only able to see that now! You are a female Hippo for crying out loud and no one even pointed that out! I do wonder if my female phobia has anything to do with that! Must be! It’s crazy how brains work, right. Well, then my female Hippo and grace from above, my miracle of light! From now on I give you a new name and will call you Hope instead of Hansi!” And she kisses me on my snout!

It’s time for healing.

Knowing now as an adult that what happened wasn’t right. Though that seems obvious, but if no one tells you and everyone acts like it’s the most natural thing in the world, you are but left alone.

But it was worse that. She was judged guilty and been on the receiving end of the devils hand. Shamed and cast out like a burden.

People are different and some can’t see what pain they inflict on others. Who can see the bleeding heart? “I will forgive them for they don’t know what they were and are doing”, she said. They are blind sighted by societies acceptance of norm and their individualistic ideas of right and wrong. You take love and compassion out of the picture and you are left with an empty vessel. But a heart can only heal with love and compassion. Understanding the wheel of time in its fullest will give room for understanding.