That time I thought about never waking up

Since high school, one thing always had me wondering, if we are the ones who choose our destiny or if it's already predetermined by some God or force, or whoever else it can be. I was so intrigued by this topic, that after some thinking decided to bail out math class in 10th grade and took a bus to the closest biggest city with a huge library. Therefore it was 10 years ago I don't recall how I got onto a bus or found my way in this new megapolis and what I was doing next. But what I do recall is that after hours in search of answers or a clue to a question particular bothered me, I got a call from my mother. Miss, that's how I took a habit to call her after some funny situation when I was 10 years old, was hugely pissed off at me. She wanted to know about my whereabouts or rather more correct quote: “Where the hell did I run out?”. Miss continued to yell at me when I was dropping a book and running for my life back home. Like now remember, I couldn't take a direct bus on my way back and arrived late at night. When I opened the door she was sitting in the kitchen with crossed hands on her chest. Her beautiful color of chestnut eyes looked tired and her dark brown hair was in a total mess but after a fast glance at me, she ran to hug me instead of arguing. After she locked me in her tiny skinny arms I overheard some weeping and thereafter found her crying on my shoulder. Only one look at her in this condition stopped me from any further “badass moves” in the future. 

My mom was kind, lovely, and forever understanding but not an indulgent person. Whatever bad, harmful, or inconvenient occurred to me she got overprotective like a lioness for her cub and every time would lose her composure. Exactly this happened when she called me that time, Miss said that earlier our school Principal contacted her and told her that I missed some classes. The point was that never before had I done something so reckless. Ever since my dad left us, I didn't cause any problems for my mom. I understood that my dad was at fault at this point (he decided that we weren't “good for him”, and ran with mom`s colleague Milly or Molly, whatever name of this person was). Miss worked so hard at two restaurants to pay our bills. The main reason is why I always kept a low profile with a half-sincere smile that was supposed to bring her peace of mind and reassurance that everything was OK with the mental health of her 13-year-old child.

Mom was everything to me - a good friend, a parent figure, a dummy girl stuck in the body of a 35-year-old adult. She was like a sunbeam that lit up my life till I graduated from high school. Some stupid car accident stopped the heartbeat and ended the life of the only dear person I have ever had in my life. Which one every time motivated me to step outside my safe bubble and to live up one more day. Eleonore was an original name for Miss, or Ellie for close circle who deserved her shining presence. Mom left me our old apartment where I grew up and some small savings, which I found when I wanted to close her bank account. I recall seeing that money in her savings account and bursting into tears as a result. To me, it looked like she felt that something would happen to her and backed me up like she always did. 

“Oh, Miss only God, knows how much I miss you”, I said to myself scanning some items in a convenience store. It's fifty forty-nine Ma`am, do you need a plastic bag? No, no it's okay I have my material bag with me, but thank you, young man. The woman looked old and slowly so I considered my small help convenient at the moment. I took her bag and put all the things inside to help her out. Even gave her some tips for future shopping and some of next week's sales news. She looked happy to hear about the soon-coming sale of some rice makers that she was looking to buy for herself. The woman thanked me and wished a good health and to find a good wife. I thanked back, thinking like hell I would find someone right at this forgotten small convenience store. Honestly, it is not like I am looking for anyone at the moment. I was feeling lost in my life pretty much since the day my Miss died. “I guess it makes five years,” thought I to myself when some rich-looking man entered the store. He was in his fortyish I would say, with some gray hair in the back of the head. The man wore a long black coat and an elegant cotton shirt with classy pants underneath. His walking was confident with barely hearable footsteps, it created an impression that he didn't even touch the ground. “One pack of Marlboro please,” said he with a deep baritone. I took the nearest pack of cigarettes and put them in his hand. “It would be a total of ten for you Sir”. I don't know why but I started to feel so sleepy and tired, that some thought of a nap on my bed came to my mind. I have always been a big fan of sleeping since primary school when I had a lot of energy after running for hours in football with some neighborhood kids, who never, unfortunately, became my friends afterward. In my 20s I still had a lot of energy but never the motivation to do something after my shift, or discover new things by myself. I felt so old, unmotivated, and gray - yeah I guess gray is a good example, that was a color of my youth. 

Unfortunately, I realized soon that I was barely good with my grades, and it was not enough to get a scholarship for studying free at University. That's why after everything I decided to find a job because I was left alone with bills to pay. The moment I started to work myself soon the realization struck me, how hard it was for Mom to keep us both alive. I was working two jobs at the same moment till my 20s, then I was recommended to this place, where I stuck for three more years. So basically I don't have anything to be proud of, I still lack a friendly ear or guidance in my life. Also, the job itself and payment are not so great. So I started to search for a new one but still felt lost about where I could work and what I should do with myself. That's why my only hobby and joy in life became sleeping after work. I could sleep anytime at any place, I would call it my power when joking with coworkers. I thought in this regard till the moment I read some articles in a weekly gazette. It stated that people sleep a lot only when they feel lonely and depressed. Sure thing I feel lonely and from time to time depressed in my in-loop gray misery. Sleeping became a sort of way to escape unbearable reality.

“Huh, maybe would be great never to wake up from my slumber?!”

“Be careful with what you wish for kiddo” said the man who was still waiting for the rest of the money. This short calm phrase made me shiver, I back to reality and started to feel that the customer had read my mind a minute ago. To be sure that I had probably wrongly understood his words, I asked him what he meant by saying so. His reaction was a smile with a cigarette in his teeth, he took his money and almost left the store when replied: 

“I've said exactly what you heard Daniel” and then the elegant man left the place and with me being shocked. 

“Just a second from where he could know my name, I lost my badge yesterday?”

On my way home, still amazed by an earlier situation I tried to convince myself that it was a mistake just a misunderstanding. How anyone in our world be able to read people's minds, it's just laughable. I opened the door to the apartment, took a quick shower, and changed my clothes. It took me around fifteen minutes. Then I finally jumped onto a bed and put my heavy head on the pillow. 

“Such a rough day huh, but tomorrow is a new one, I need to sleep earlier”. I closed my tired sore eyes and fell into deep nothingness. I don't remember waking up, it was more like feeling different and so easy in my mind. I opened my eyes and found myself floating above my sleeping body, or as I thought. My confusion was interrupted by familiar footsteps. An elegant man from before, in a dark coat entered the room and looked directly at my eyes. 

“Daniel, I am here to tell you about your recent situation”. It took me a moment to realize that he spoke to me that float, not the one lying on the bed.

“What, you can see me, it is not some kind of dream?” I questioned him, feeling anxious.

“No, no. Everything exactly how it looks”.

“But how is it possible, am I dead or something?”

“Or something. You see Daniel, I am not a regular person. I am someone who can hear the intrusive thoughts of people and bring them to life. In short, I overheard what you wished for earlier at work and made it come true. Nothing personal it is my job”. His words made me dumbfounded, and my fingers went numb.

“So… I am not technically dead, but what happened to me?”

“You wished to never wake up, I made it come true. You will sleep forever Daniel, and afterward, at some point, you will die, but not today I promise”. I didn't understand how to react to his words. It is a total madness, like hell I will calmly sleep for the rest of my life and die. I cannot let it happen to me. It doesn't matter if I didn't figure out my life purpose, didn't find a perfect job or partner, or never traveled to other countries. I felt like choking with air, but it was impossible in this floating body because it didn't need air or breathing. I looked down at my physical body and got angry. I remembered which person I was before. How many things I have been planning to do with my life? And look at me now, who do I become? Just a shell of a person, nothing compared to what I planned to be. Even if everything was going not my way, I needed to stay put, believe in myself, rest myself in moments when my body was exhausted, and treasure my precious life. That will be my plan from here and now! Yes, I gonna change everything. After I yelled and flew right in the face of this mysterious man. The next second I knew I was waked up, in my normal body.

“Oh, it was only a bad dream, thanks Goodness. I assumed I was done for good”. 

On this morning I took my time to prepare some healthy breakfast, before running to work. Till I ate I ran on some well-paid practice opportunities on the Internet in the same city where in my school days I visited that huge library. Just one click and my application was sent. Being proud of myself for taking a new step I closed a laptop.

“I am taking a new leap. And whatever the outcome from now on I will never give up on myself”.

End