January 1st

It was January 1^st.

Samantha sat at her kitchen table in her old pajamas and ragged bedroom shoes. A blanket still covered her shoulders like a warm fuzzy cape. Her hair was thrown up in a messy bun that she had slept in. Frizz shot out in every direction from her head. Her coffee was warm in the cold kitchen. She cupped her mug with both hands looking down at her new dotted bullet journal, opened to the first page where she had decided to list her goals for the upcoming year.

She had listed her few resolutions already the previous night.

1.      Diet.

She munched on the leftover cookies from the New Year’s eve party the night before. She couldn’t just let the cookies go to waste. She’d start that tomorrow. Yawning lazily, she looked out the window. The sun was high in the sky. She had slept in fairly late. Her phone screen said 11:30 AM already. She scrolled through her social media for a few minutes, ignoring the journal, laying in front of her and was surprised to see it was almost 12 when she looked at the clock again. She set her phone aside and glanced at the next resolution guiltily.

2.      Get up early and be productive.

“I’m so bad at this…” she groaned, “I can’t do any of these things.”

She scanned the next few items on the list.

3.      Work out two to three times a week

4.      Stop scrolling social media

5.      Read 10 books.

6.      Work on self-esteem

“Well, I can’t work out yet or read because I haven’t signed up for the gym or bought my books.” She excused herself, “I’ve already messed up the social media thing, so I guess I’m starting that tomorrow too.”

She dragged herself away from the kitchen table, pulling the open journal with one hand and grabbing her coffee with the other.

She made it back to her bedroom and pulled out old worn extra-large t-shirt and baggy sweatpants from her dresser. Her eye landed on the resolution in the open journal that she had thrown in the bed.

7.      Dress up. Find your sense of style.

“UGH!” she yelled, “I am so over this.”

The bed looked inviting. She laid down on it, looking up at the ceiling. The whole day was a waste. Why even bother at this point?

The whole year was a waste, started off on the wrong foot. She rolled over to her side.

“I guess I’ll try again next year.” She mumbled. The journal sat next to her. She picked up it and rolled to her back. While she held the journal over her head, the next two resolutions stared back at her.

8.      Journal every day.

9.      Write a story.

“I already messed up the first ones. Why even bother trying with the rest of them?” she asked herself, “What’s the point of this? Who am I trying to impress? What’s with the stupid contest of who-gets-farthest-ahead-in-life? Maybe I want to just be a pillow and lay on my bed for the rest of my life.”

The last resolution was written in smaller handwriting to fit in the line on the paper.

10.  Relax. Do what you want to because you want to, not because you think you have to.

Relaxing was definitely something she was bad at. Obviously, she could sleep in and be lazy and lounge around all day, but it wasn’t the same thing as really letting her body relax. Even now she could feel the stress building up in her body. Her shoulders were tense.

She breathed in and breathed out slowly and looked back on the resolutions.

1.      Diet.

Sure, she messed up today, but it was okay. She got up off the bed and threw away the rest of the cookies and sent in a grocery order for a week full of healthy dishes. Those would be delivered this afternoon. She went back to the journal.

2.      Get up early and be productive.

She may have missed getting up early today, but she could still be productive today and try getting up early tomorrow. She always felt better about herself when she got up early and that’s why she wanted to try to do that. It wasn’t a rule for every single day of the year. She looked at the next item.

3.      Work out two to three times a week.

Samantha still didn’t have a gym membership, but she could get one tomorrow. For today, she could always do a body weight exercise in her bedroom. She went on her laptop and pulled up a 15-minute workout. It wasn’t much and it wasn’t even particularly difficult, but she did it.

After her work out, she felt more alert and awake, even if it was almost 2 in the afternoon by that point.

She went back to her journal, feeling a little more accomplished.

4.      Stop scrolling social media.

She took her phone out of her pocket and threw it on her bed and went to the other room. Done.

5.      Read 10 books.

She looked to her bookshelf. There were some that had been sitting there for years, gathering dust. Some she didn’t even remember reading. She picked out one. It had a dragon on the front. She couldn’t remember the story but did remember liking a particular character in that. What was his name?

She flipped through the story. Oh yes. There it was. She flipped through the pages a while longer. She definitely needed a refresher on this one. She got up and set it on her nightstand by the bed to read tonight. A notification flashed on her phone which still lay on the bed. She ignored it. If someone really needed her, they could call her. She would hear it ring. She left the room to avoid the temptation.

6.      Work on self-esteem.

She puzzled for a minute. What could she do today to help fix that?

7.      Dress up. Find your sense of style.

She looked down to the pajamas she still wore. Looking up she caught her reflection in the mirror and saw her fizzy wild hair.

That would be a good start.

She threw open her dresser, dumping clothes out and rummaging through them. She found a silky black shirt that fit her well without making her feel self-conscious about her curvy stomach that would take time to work on. A nice dark blue pair of jeans and boots when on after that. She slipped on two of her favorite bracelets and combed her hair.

She looked in the mirror again. Much better. She picked up her journal.

8.      Write in journal.

Easy enough. She grabbed a pen from her dresser and sat in the chair in the corner of her room.

She got halfway through an entry before she realized she was writing on the page for January 2^nd instead of the 1^st. For a second, she thought about giving in again.

Someone would see her mistake. The whole journal was a waste. The entry was on the wrong page. She took a breath in and out.

She wasn’t journaling because she had to make it look impressive. She was journaling because she wanted to get her thoughts out. She crossed out the 2^nd and wrote the 1^st on it. She flipped to the page that was actually for the 1^st and did the opposite, crossing out the 1^st and writing in the 2nd.

It wasn’t pretty, but it worked. Whatever.

She flipped back to her resolution page.

9.      Write a story.

“A short story would work. I don’t have to force myself to try to write a whole novel right away.” She thought, “Why don’t I try to write a short story to start off the year? I could even write a story about starting off the year. That would be kind of fun. I want to do that.”

She opened her laptop and pulled up her writing program. She set her opened journal next to her laptop. The last resolution on the list stood out to her again.

10.  Relax. Do what you want to because you want to, not because you think you have to.

She glanced at the clock on her laptop. It was 3 in the afternoon. There was still plenty of time in the day. She got up to go fix herself another cup of coffee.

Enjoying its soothing taste, she watched the birds eat from the feeder outside. She finished the coffee slowly and then went back to her desk and started writing.