Schrodinger's Dealer

Contains references to illegal substances, and some swear words.

Bit of the old like y’know man.

The what?

The old like y’know man.

The old?

Yeah man like nice one, y’know?

Sound, man, sound.

Nice one.

Verbaletharism: In the field of pragmatics, this is the act of minimalizing the operations of semantics and syntax to the limits of comprehensibility, most often performed due to extreme laziness.

The old, man, like, we forgot.

Oh no, man, like, really, like seriously?

Yeah man, like, I was gonna but then like y’know.

How much do we have left?

The old, nothing, man, nothing.

Aw man, like, y’know, like.

I know, man, sorry.

So like, what, like?

The old Jim, like.

Aw man, Jim?

Well, like what, y’know?

Aw man, like, Jim, man.

Well what do you wanna do?

Man, like, you shoulda like.

I know man, sorry. But like, Jim, y’know.

I know.

Jim? Hey man, like, y’know, bit of the old. Yeah. Yeah. Sound. Yeah man. Yeah. No man. Nothing man. Yeah. What? No. No man. Bit of the old, like. Y’know. Yeah. Sound. Nice one. Nice one Jim. Yeah. Sound. Sound. Sound. Nice one.

The old?

Yeah man, sound. Half an hour.

Nice one.

Jim was on about Kelly.

Aw man, see? The old, like, y’know.

I know man but like what are we gonna do?

Yeah man, but like, we coulda walked into town man.

Yeah man but like, town, man.

I know man, like. But Jim, man. Kelly, man.

Anthroprimitivism: When you like screw something up because you’re only human but you succumbed to your animal nature when you shouldn’t have.

You messed up, man.

Yeah man, but like, y’know, like, Kelly, man.

Yeah man, I know, like, bigtime, but like, y’know.

I know man, but like.

Yeah man. But nice one, like?

Nice one man.

Not so nice one now man.

No man.

Ambishame: When you regret and don’t regret something at the same time.

He said he knows something man, but like.

Aw no man, like, no.

Yeah but man, like.

I know man but like.

Yeah man. You’ll know soon enough like.

Maybe, the old, no, like, no.

What?

Ah no, man, like, sound, man. He doesn’t know, man. Sound.

Schrodinger’s dealer, man.

Not so nice one, man.

What if Kelly like, y’know?

Here?

Yeah man, like, Kelly, y’know.

No way man. No way. Aw man, like, yeah, maybe, man, maybe. You think?

Dunno man, but like Kelly, y’know.

Yeah man. But man, I wouldn’t have like, y’know, if like Kelly hadn’t like. Y’know, like, Kelly, man, like, man.

She’s a fine woman.

She’s a fine woman, man. But like.

Yeah? Yeah. Hey man. At the old house man. Me and Spirit Level. Sound man. We don’t have any y’know. Jim’s coming. Yeah. Yeah man. Shitting himself. Yeah. Yeah. She’s a fine woman. Yeah, come on over. Ah ok, door’s open man. Nice one. Bob the Builder, man.

Ah, Bob. Nice one. Where is he?

Outside, man.

Ah, yeah.

Look at the two of you! Aw lads, lads, lads. What’s goin on? Ha, ha! What are you doin? What are you doin, lads? Where’s Jim? More importantly, Spirit Level, where’s Kelly? Is Kelly coming? Ha, ha! Is she coming? Spirit Level? What’s going on man?

Man, like, y’know, like.

Ha, ha! Is she coming then or what?

Schrodinger’s bit on the side, man. We don’t know, like.

Schadenbro: When you can’t wait to see your friend reap the whirlwind of his disastrous actions, not because you don’t like him but because it’s great entertainment and is a necessary keystone of friendship between men.

Brilliant, lads! I’m staying anyway. I wouldn’t miss this for the whole world. Ha, ha! Kelly. She’ll come if he knows and she’ll come if he doesn’t. You know that, Spirit Level, don’t you? Bring on the popcorn, lads, bring it on.

Man, like, man.

Yeah, Spirit Level, exactly. Sure Jim’s a good guy. He’ll understand. She’s a fine woman. Sure who wouldn’t? Ha, ha!

He messed up, Bob.

He sure messed up royally!

That wasn’t like, half an hour man. Aw man!

No, man, like that was about ten minutes man. Might not be them. Schrodinger’s knock.

Man, stop it with the old Schrodinger.

Sit where you are lads. Sit where you are! I’ll get it. You’re in for it now lad. You’re in for it now. Hop! Hello! Hello! Who is it? Is it Jim? Jim? Who is it? Right. Jim! How are you mate? I’ll open it. Hang on. Jim, how are you lad? Kelly! Hello, Kelly! Come in the two of you. Come in. Come in.

Man, like, the old.

I know man. I know, like.

Lads, it’s Jim and Kelly!

Alright Jim. Alright Kelly.

Hey Jim. Kelly, like.

How are you boys? We weren’t far so we said we’d swing by you when we were here, you know? How are you doing boys?

Yeah, man, Jim, like good, man. Thanks for coming man. Saved us, the old, town, like.

No bother at all boy. Spirit Level how you doin boy?

Loquisecretophobia: The fear that if you open your mouth to speak, you will unintentionally expose your guilt.

Sound man like.

Yeah, boy, you look fine there boy. You look fine. He’s a fine man, Kelly. He’s a fine man. You’re a fine man, Spirit Level.

Man, like.

Sure, boys, I was straight over when I heard you were out. You know, boys? Straight over. You can depend on me. You can depend on me, boys. How many times have I sorted you out, boys? Huh? How many times? You call me, boys, I’m here right away. Isn’t that right, Spirit Level?

Like man, sound, man, yeah.

Yeah, boys. That right, Kelly? No bother to me at all. You need it, I’m here, boys.

Jim.

Don’t fucking Jim me Kelly! Don’t fucking Jim me! Time after time, week after week I’m here driving about town all hours and I come here any time these boys want something! Over and over again! You’ve some nerve Spirit Level! What do you have to say? Huh? What? You wanna say something?

Like man, like.

Jim!

Kelly!

Spirit Level!

Man, like, man!

Alienscruming: Being in the middle of a fight you have no business being in the middle of.

Don’t call me again!

Wow!

Man.

Oh.

Ah, man.

Sorry, Spirit Level. Sorry Dave.

Are you comin Kelly?

Sorry, Spirit Level.

Yeah, like, Kelly, like. Sound.

Well that’s that cleared up anyway lads. I said that’s that cleared up anyway lads. Are you all right Spirit Level?

Yeah, man.

Right, like, man, so now we know, anyway. Well done man.

Yeah ok man but like y’know, like, fair old whack in the old, y’know?

Yeah. Are you okay?

Yeah man.

Right lads. That was great entertainment but that’s not really why I came here.

Mighta broke a bone. Dunno. The old finger, man.

Well is it broken?

Dunno man.

Schro-

Don’t man, like, Jesus.

Okay man. Back to square one man.

Yeah lads, back to square one.

Yeah so like same problem.

What?

Bit of the old like y’know man.