Remote Play

CW: Strong language and themes of domestic conflict

------“John?! Why the fuck are you just getting home?!”

Sigh.

[Mute]

[Right, right, L2]

------“Do you hear me, John?! I said, why the fuck are you getting home so late?!?!?”

("Hey, Mo--I mean, honey... I'm glad to be home. I'm sometimes late because being here is sometimes stressful, especially when you scream at me...")

------“Oh, spare me, Mary. I don’t owe you any explanation—I’m a grown-ass man in this household!!”

------“What!? You mean you’re a grown-ass baby!”

[Right, L1]

("John, you’re my husband. I’m your wife. When you’re gone, I miss you. And we should be able to know where one another is at at any given time… That’s part of what a marriage is all about.")

------“Rich, Mary, reeeal rich. This from the QUEEN of TEMPER TANTRUMS!!

[Left, L1]

("It hurts my feelings when you call me names. I think it’s fair to say we both have our fair share of faults…")

------“Well, I wouldn’t have temper tantrums if you came home and acted like a normal fucking husband for once!!

[L2, L1]

(Honey, I love you. I miss you. I just want to feel loved.)

------“A normal husband?! You mean like going out and busting my ass to put food on the table, clothes on everyone’s backs, and a roof over your heads?!? That kind of ‘normal’ husband?!”

[Circle, circle.]

("And I just want to feel appreciated. It feels like I’m only ever called out for being wrong, not ever anything that I do right…")

------“Oh, you mean the things you’re supposed to fucking do?! Aww well, CONGRATULATIONS for being a halfway decent man and providing for your fucking family, John. If I had a cookie, I’d give it to you!”

("I see and appreciate that you do all those things, really I do. I’m just asking for a little more emotional support and presence…")

[L2, L1, L1]

------“Oh, give it a rest, Mary. You know, you’re just like your mother.”

Triangle.

------“WHAT?!?”

------“Yes, you heard me! Old, can’t keep a man, and gonna die all shriveled up, bitter, and alone!!”

[Square, L2, R1, R2, R2]

("I thought when we got together, we’d made a vow to do and be better than our parents, to break the cycles. How can we help each other do that?")

------“Wow, how dare you say that to me. You’re such a fucking asshole.”

[Circle]

("It really hurts my feelings when you say mean, hurtful things. I think we should both try really hard not to.")

------“I mean, hey, what can I say—you might as well be old and alone now. You don’t even do anything for me as a wife!!”

[Square, L2, R1]

------“Oh, what do you mean, like the cooking and cleaning I do literally all day, EVERY FUCKING DAY?!? I guess that’s ‘nothing’. Oh, and looking after Peter! God knows somebody should…”

[Circle, circle]

("I wish my contributions around the house and our family were also recognized and appreciated. I’m really doing the best I can…")

------“What about looking after John!!”

------“What?”

------“When was the last time we had sex, Mary?!?”

Sigh.

[Unmut—]

Sigh. Nevermind.

------“What the fuck are you talking about?!”

------“Intimacy!! With my wife!! I can’t even count how many months it’s been since the last time. I have to screw myself to halfway get any loving around here!”

[Circle, circle]

("I think you’re beautiful, and you’re my wife. I love you, and I just would appreciate if I could… share my love…in that way…with you, every once in a while. I would like to grow closer to you in that way…")

------“Do you remember the last time we did it? You couldn’t… It ended up a complete fucking waste of time.”

[L1]

------“Oh, so that means we should just never do it again?!”

------“No, it means I deserve better!! And want to make any time like that actually worth my time!!”

[L1, L1]

------“Well, I guess I should just go ahead and get it from someone else in the meantime, then---”

[Square, L2, L1, L1]

------“Oh, it isn’t like you aren’t already fucking doing that anyway!!”

[Circle]

------“Wait, what? What are you talking about?”

[Square, square]

------“Oh please, John. Coming home late every fucking night? And you barely even mention sex anymore?! I’m not an idiot!! You’re fucking somebody!! Admit it!!”

("I really think we should go see a counselor. Clearly, we’ve both checked out of his marriage and could maybe use some outside help…")

------“I AM NOT!!”

[Circle, circle, circle]

------“Oh bullshit. Yeah, that mysterious, awful-fucking perfume you’ve been wreaking of for the past several months is just the new office potpourri. Right…”

[L2, L1, L1]

------“……”

------“Unh-huh…”

------“I don’t even know what you’re talking about…”

------“Yeah, unh-huh, sure ya’ don’t. Went and found you another bitch! Motherfucker, you’re not slick!”

[R2, R2, R2]

("I feel hurt and betrayed that you’ve been unfaithful and stepped out of our marriage... Because I love and care about you and ‘us’ that much…")

------“You’ve probably been spending more time with that bitch than with your own fucking kid!”

------“What?!”

------“You heard me. What kind of father are you?! Peter barely even knows you!! Have you once helped him with his fucking algebra homework? Or talked to him about girls!? When’s the last time you went to his junior varsity soccer game?! Ugh. Some kind of fucking dad you are…”

Sigh.

Pause.

("I just…would like for you to spend more time with our son. He misses you. And these are some of the most important years of his life…")

Sigh.

Unpause.

------“Oh, I’m the bad parent now!? What about the countless nagging and riding him you do!?”

------“Huh? What the fuck are you talking about?”

------“I mean, kid can’t catch a break. You have him on the shortest leash. He’s gonna end up a weak, mama’s boy who can’t get a girl and is always playing video games, like I'm sure he's doing, listening to your bullshit, right now!! Hell, you got him headed in that direction already....”

Sigh.

("I understand I have my faults as a parent and I can definitely do better. Also, we have to understand Peter’s a growing man and needs room to become that and find more of his independence. It would be helpful if you gave him more space to do so. And I’ll also step up to better-help with that process, as a man…")

------“Peter is not no mama’s boy! And he’s only 13—he has plenty of time to chase after girls, which I’m sure you know all about, huh?! I tell you one thing, he’s definitely way more of a fucking man than you’ll ever be, that’s for damned sure! He’s a good fucking kid—”

------“Yeah, no thanks to you.”

------“You asshole, he’s a good kid because of me. Lord knows you surely haven’t had shit to do with it!”

------“Hey! Where the fuck are you going?!?”

[L2, circle]

------“I’ll be back. I need to go for a drive, clear my head.”

[Triangle, circle, circle]

------“Ugggh, I fucking hate you!!!”

[Triangle, L1, L1]

------“Well, I hate you, too!!”

[Triangle, L1, L1]

------“I want a divorce!!”

[Triangle, R1, R1, R1, R2, R2, R2]

------“Oh, you and me both, lady.”

[Triangle, R1, R2, R2, R2]

------“Fine! First thing Monday morning, I’m going to see a lawyer and having the papers drawn up!”

------“Pfft!! Just show me where to sign...”

------“Oh, motherfucker, you best believe I definitely wi-- John?! John?!? JOHN?!?!?”

Sigh.

[Unmute]