If you come you’ll have to decide if your Introvert or Extrovert

    The phone rings. It sounded really loud because I had been on the computer and no one was home so the ringing jarred me out of the quiet. Caller Id showed a friend so I answered. “Are you coming tonight?” “Am I coming were?” I replied. “To the town meeting at the community center.” Oh, is that tonight? I forgot” Well you should come it’s kind of expected of you.” “Well, if you see me there then you’ll have your answer.” We chatted a little more and then I hung up and turned the phone off.

   Merriam Webster Dictionary defines the verb introvert as,” to concentrate or direct upon oneself.” Whereas the word extrovert is defined as, “an outgoing, overtly expressive person.” Since the town meeting was about the death of my daughter’s fiancée and would include representatives from the city police, the mayor office, member of the community, as well as friends and family, I had been putting of making a decision about attending. My mood and temperament had become very directed upon myself since the young man’s death.

  I had known Shawn since he was two years old. Like my daughter he was biracial and we had lived in the same neighborhood as his family for about 3 years. His family life was challenging to say the least. His relationship with my daughter had been on again off again for years and he had beat her up a couple of times. He had been in and out of jail and even though my daughter was pregnant with his child, he and I had just begun speaking shortly prior to his death. For all intents and purposes, he appeared to be trying to turn his life around. It’s just hard to forget what he had put my child through. She still has faded scars on her wrists from when it got so bad between them that she tried to kill herself. She had left my oldest grandchild when he was an infant because he was very sickly and Shawn didn’t want her to spend more time with him then her. He convinced her to leave the state when my grandson was in the hospital for a very bad infection.

   She and I had worked through a lot of this because she was only 18 when she got pregnant. She had gotten out from under his control and started piecing her life back together. She completed college bought a house but them Shawn had been back in jail that whole time. Now he was dead and I was supposed to go discuss it at the town meeting. Introverted as a verb was and understatement. I didn’t want to face these people. I didn’t want to see his mother as she faced these people. I wanted to pick the phone back up and say, “No I don’t want to come! “However, this was my daughter and she needed support. Since I know that women sometimes make unwise choices, I couldn’t blame her or fault her because fate had intervened.

  I put on my long black winter coat and my noir headscarf and begin to walk to the Southside community center. In all of that time walking I would have to state that I was being completely introverted. I finally arrived at the southside. Stood out side and waited to see a familiar face to walk in with. Le Mort’s cold hand passed by with a brush and I got the shakes. Standing outside of the community center looking like Shiite Muslim I saw a few well know faces. So, moving in harmony with them I walked into the center. The gym had been transformed with any area for the city representatives a podium for speaking and rows of chairs. I sat down next to someone’s grandpa and then heard me daughter’s friends calling. So now everyone is seated, there’s a sound check and introductions begin. First there was the mayor then the distract attorney. There was a panel of college student activists and then the general public. I was reflecting inwardly on what I was seeing and who I was hearing. I started thinking about Karma.

    A young man from a dysfunctional family had been killed when it could have gone another way. His unborn child would grow up fatherless. He mother would have to face everyday that she had out lived her child. These were facts that could not be changed, I was listening to people who were not personally involved. I was looking at people that had various agenda’s politically and in other ways. My mind started to hear my extrovert self. The self that grew up in Europe, went to school and worked in NYC.  The me that use to lead fellowship groups, bible study and ran a woman Christian home.

   Suddenly I heard someone say, “Are then any people in the audience that would like to speak? If so please line up and you will be allowed 5 minutes at the podium.” I found myself getting up. It surprised me but as I looked at my daughter face and the other grieving family members that extrovert began rehearsing what I wanted the people to know. There were three people in front of me and I listen to what they had to say and watched the crowd. Then there was no one in front of me and I walked up to the podium. Looking at everyone in the room, I took a deep breath and began.

   “My understanding is that the police officer that fired the lethal kill shot had a personal relationship with the deceased going back to their years in high school together. This relationship was not a good one and they had what is commonly referred to as bad blood between them. So, my first question is how is it that this officer was hand picked to be involved in issuing the arrest of the deceased? My second question is that is has been brought to light that a confidential informant set up the deceased by calling him and asking him to get them some drug. This set up was done at a time when the deceased was actually trying to turn his life around. He had a full-time job, had just been accepted into a technical school and was an active union member at his place of employment. So why, with all of these signs of him wanting to turn his life around was he made the target of a sting operation?” I walked away a sat down. I had asked those questions for my daughter and my unborn grandchild. I also wanted everyone in that room to understand that what had occurred had been a deliberate setup. My introvert came right back into play and after the next speaker I left and went home. So yes, I did come but then I left.