Focusing too much on Work

On the sixth day of his vacation, when he’d finally stopped thinking about work, Kenneth saw the CEO of the company worked for check into the hotel he was vacationing at. Kenneth tilted his head back and laughed, causing the other hotel guests in the lobby to move away from him. He opened his eyes and sighed. The steely blue eyes, angular jaw, and half smile half smirk weren’t softened by the Hawaiian shirt and Bermuda shorts he wore. The CEO would have been an indistinguishable tourist if it weren’t for the gold Rolex watch on his wrist that glinted in the sunlight every time he moved.

Kenneth sighed again. He’d just gotten used to lounging by the pool like a cat, the bridge of his nose covered in sunscreen breathing in the scent of chlorine as he tried to tan. He’d taken two yoga classes, sweating as he went through warrior poses, back bends, and downward dogs. He’d realized that the company wouldn’t combust if he didn’t respond to a Slack message or an email, so he’d started leaving his phone in his room. A decision he regretted as he watched his boss.  Flashes of light kept getting in his eyes, everyone in the lobby had an expensive watch. Richard Mille, Rolex, Tag Huer. He made his way to the lobby and swiped a brochure; he was at a symposium of CEOs here for a week to reflect on the success of the companies they worked for. It was like the universe was telling him that work was important, if only his girlfriend, Melissa could see this.

As much as he wanted to stay and absorb greatness, he needed his phone. In his room, on his bed, he read his CEO’s biography again, despite knowing it by heart. He was the same age as the CEO when the CEO made his first million. Kenneth never believed in coincidences or fate, but if he got to talk to the CEO before he went home, he’d have no chance to start believing. The brochure had an itinerary of events for the symposium, he went to his closet to try and and put a decent outfit together.

Kenneth wasn’t obsessed with work, he believed with hard work anyone could become anything. Look at the CEO, no college degree, just raw tenacity and he became CEO of one of the most profitable companies in the country. Kenneth didn’t go to a big-name school, but showed drive during his interviews, got an internship his junior year of college and an offer a year later for a full-time position. He dogged his way to a promotion two years after he started, the fastest in the company. Working weekends, volunteering for everything anybody asked for assistance with, getting certifications that weren’t necessary for his career path, basically being the office mule.

The first event was a brunch, Kenneth looked around and took a sip of a mimosa to calm the intimidation swirling inside him. He didn’t look around much, but from what he recognized other CEOs. He gave himself a pat on the back for booking his vacation here.

Well done, he told himself, well done.

His phone buzzed in his pocket, probably Melissa, wanting to do a check-in. She would understand later why he didn’t answer.  Melissa evaporated from his mind when his company CEO walked in. Kenneth felt his throat dry, and his palms sweat. His plan had been simple, enjoy brunch, stick around after for chitchat, and move his way toward his CEO. When he got there, he would butter him up with compliments and then ask him for advice.

A small round man with Ray-Ban sunglasses came to stand in front of a podium and spoke,

“Welcome to the Annual CEO symposium it’s great to have you all here. At this brunch, a couple of CEOs are going to reflect on what worked for them the past year. Please give a round of applause.”

He took a step back as a stocky man made it to the podium, a bit red in the face.

“This year I was able to double my revenue.” He paused to bask in the applause and whoops that he got.

“How did I do it you asked? It’s simple, the workers that work for me. The company wouldn’t be doing so well if there weren’t so many people willing to work for a salary. You know in a way I almost feel bad for them, but I can’t because we wouldn’t be there without them.”

Kenneth swallowed; his mouth so dry that it almost tasted metallic. He looked around at the enthusiastic claps from the other bosses there. Some were standing up and cheering. He felt slightly better when he saw that his CEO wasn’t among the ones clapping. But Kenneth could only see his back, his CEO could be smiling. His ears felt hot, and he began to sweat, he felt like a giant spotlight was on him, even though no one paid attention to him. Two speakers later, Kenneth the determination that he felt was replaced with defeat and a hint of depression. He didn’t stick around, he just couldn’t, how could he ask questions about how to become a successful entrepreneur when his entire existence had been insulted.

Back in his room he went on his phone and ignored the text from Melissa, searched for his CEO to read his biography again. He felt better, his CEO had worked for somebody else at some point. He tried to shake what he’d just heard out of his head.  He couldn’t pass up an opportunity to speak to someone he wanted to emulate, the CEO would have done the same thing if he were in Kenneth’s shoes. Kenneth could go to evening meditation, sitting in a heated room diffused with peppermint oil would clear his head. He shook his head, he needed to focus now.

Melissa and Kenneth started dating three years ago. She told him she liked how driven he was, how he made sure he got what he wanted, how he always wanted more. He inspired her to get a promotion at her job. About a year ago, she seemed shocked he hadn’t lost his drive. She began implying Kenneth liked work more than her. He pacified her with a weekly date night, it worked until he missed their three-year anniversary. He didn’t just forget; he didn’t show up at the restaurant that he made reservations for. He remembered just as he arrived at their shared apartment. He slept on the couch and didn’t protest when she booked them for couples therapy the next day. The vacation was the therapist’s idea, two weeks away from work would make him realize that work wasn’t everything. He was sure that Melissa would understand once he told her about meeting his CEO.

The next day, the symposium held a lunch Kenneth got there a bit later so he could sit somewhere where he could watch his CEO. It was as if his boss knew he was being watched. He kept a blank expression on his face and applauded politely. He didn’t attempt to mingle with the other CEOs, but he never stood to speak either. Kenneth felt apprehensive about speaking to him, what if he just sat there and blinked when Kenneth tried to talk to him? He couldn’t do it. Disappointed, he went back to his room; four texts and two missed calls from Melissa.

On the third day, a walk was scheduled around the resort. This was a good time as any to talk to his boss. He showed up in store brand gym wear and didn’t let the designer tracksuits and gym shorts intimidate him. He saw his boss and gritted his teeth he was going to do it. He moved his way through the crowd until he was a couple feet behind him. He felt like a racer at the starting line waiting for the whistle to go off. There was no whistle, but a consensus to start moving. Kenneth tried, he really did but the movement came with elbows, shoulders, and nudges. He lost his boss in the crowd and after a step on the back of his heel, he broke away from the crowd. He went back to his room dejected.

After a shower, he was on his bed on his phone. Six missed calls and ten messages from his therapist and his girlfriend. He turned off his phone, indifferent. This vacation hadn’t been a success anyway, he didn’t want to tell his therapist or his girlfriend that he’d fallen off the wagon.

The next day, he packed his bag to check out of the hotel, feeling worse than when he’d left. He walked to the elevator and took a step back when he saw his CEO was in the elevator. His boss gave him a weird look, so Kenneth got on the elevator looking at the floor and trying not to turn red.

“Checking out so soon? I’ve seen you at the symposium”

Kenneth tightened the grip on his bag.

“I’m not actually a CEO I just wanted to try and talk to my CEO. We’re at a similar age in life when he made his first million and I wanted to ask how he did it.”

“Did you learn anything?”

“That I’m just a means to make a company and someone else rich.”

He chuckled. The elevator reached the lobby, the CEO pressed the “Hold” button, looked at him, and asked, “Who’s your company CEO?”

“You.”

He blinked. Like Kenneth thought he would. His boss blinked again,

“Why were you here?”

“It was supposed to be a relaxing vacation.”

“From what?”

“Focusing too much on work.”

There was no pity or warmth in his CEO’s eyes when he said,

“I think you failed.”

Kenneth locked eyes but couldn’t hold eye contact with his boss for long.

His boss spoke again.

“What did you want to ask me?”

“How you made your first million,” Kenneth squeaked.

His CEO thought about it. “I didn’t work for a company. You dog yourself for a promotion, and the salary raise may seem nice at first but you’re never going to be a millionaire working for somebody else.”

Kenneth felt his insides deflate at first, then he filled with anger.

“Didn’t you work for somebody else?”

His CEO chuckled. “When I was a kid to get an allowance. Why would I work so hard when I don’t get to reap the benefits? You have a decision to make, invest in yourself, or choose to be an employee forever. You didn’t even have the guts to talk to me, that’s very employee-like of you.”

The elevator opened and he walked away. Angry and hurt, Kenneth checked out of the hotel. He couldn’t believe his CEO had said that to him, he could quit. Then he realized that he had nowhere to go if he did. He didn’t want to apply for another job. If he quit, the company would just find someone else who would do the work and be happy with the salary. In the taxi on the way to the airport, he bit the bullet and called Melissa. He had to call three times to reach her. He could hear the annoyance in her breath.

“Where have you been?”

“I had a blip, I’m sorry.”

He paused as he considered his next words.

“I’m fully committed to this relationship. You and the therapist were right. Work isn't everything.”