Two Old Broads and One Parade

“Have you ever been to the snow?”

“No, but I think that snow is overrated anyway.” 

“That’s sad that you have never been to the snow.” 

“That’s not as sad as us sharing a seat on top of a fire hydrant.” 

“Now that is true but that is not the only sad thing.”.

“You’re right. The saddest thing is the thing that we are ignoring.” 

“Yeah, that’s true and my butt is getting numb from this fire hydrant. I don’t see how I used to sit on them as a kid. When my dad took me and my sister trick or treating and we would get tired he would always tell us to sit on a fire hydrant to rest. Now, my butt is numb from sitting.” 

“Mine is too. Do you want to grab an ice cream cone? I think I hear the ice cream truck coming.” 

“If only ice cream could solve this problem or any problem really.” 

“Although, it can’t solve this, I am in the mood for a Tootie fruity something bar. I don’t even know if they have them. They always tasted like a warm hug if you could taste a hug.”.

“I used to think that my grandma’s rum cake was like a warm hug until I realized that I was probably drunk from the rum.” 

“Doesn’t the alcohol burn off? That’s what my grams told me.” 

“I don’t know. Maybe it does. Here comes the truck now. Do you know what you want?” 

“I guess so. I think I will have that chocolate on a stick bar ice cream. The one pictured on the side of the truck. The one that costs way too much money.” 

“Me too.” 

“For something that came off of a truck this is pretty good. Of course, the ones we had back in the 80’s were better.” 

“Everything tasted better in the 80’s. Boy, do I miss that decade.”

“Yeah, me too. Back then we were young and free, and nothing was so complicated as it is now.” 

“Yeah, it was a different time and a different world for sure. Remember George from high school?” 

“Was he the one who went with that really tall girl? I can’t remember her name, but she looked like she was 7 feet tall.”

“Yes, and the only one in our class with a bald head. I think he thought he was sexy being bald like that actor. I forgot that actor’s name but yeah, he is the one. Well, he is a doctor now, believe it or not. I went to visit my aunt in the hospital last year and who should walk in but George Jerome. Now, Doctor George. Isn’t that something?”

“It sure is. I always thought that I would be a doctor until I fainted when my brother fell off his bike and split his lip open. Right there at the age of seven I changed my mind. I realized that the sight of blood was something I never wanted to see again.” 

“I know what you mean. I was going to be an artist. But, not only an artist, but a famous one who will marry a millionaire and sell my paintings to all of his rich friends.” 

“We were something else back in the day. We had all kinds of dreams back then. Now, look at us. Two old ladies sitting on the grass near the fire hydrant which was hurting our butts eating ice cream talking about the past.” 

“And who are you calling old? Girl, I am not old. My age is just an unlisted number now.” 

“That’s right. We are in our golden years. I guess. I never knew what the golden years were supposed to be. I mean is there an age you turn, and you say oh I am in my golden years? Is it 60 or 70 or what?” 

“I have no idea. All I know is that when we were in our 30’s and watched the Golden Girls on TV my mom used to tease us saying that was how we were going to be when we got old.”

“True. But we are minus a few girls.” 

“This was some good ice cream. But, not better than Susie’s ice cream. Remember Susie’s corner store on Josephine Street?” 

“How can I forget? She made the best homemade ice cream and sold it to us for one dime. We would always get ten pennies from our piggy bank to buy one cone and split it. You know she didn’t retire until about six years ago. She was in her late 80’s. And she still made ice cream.” 

“I wonder if there is an ice cream truck in heaven?” 

“Maybe so. Heaven is supposed to have everything. Ice cream, pink lemonade, orange candy. I bet they have it all. Just streets up there made from sweets.” 

“Instead of gold they have candy streets just for us.” 

“It would be nice.” 

“You know what else would be nice? It would be nice to see all the people who passed away. I hope that they are all there. Except Uncle Oliver. I doubt if he is there.” 

“I want to see my dog, Bandit. I hope that dogs and cats and all the animals go to heaven too. My aunt, Rose, said that they do. But she also called me by my sister’s name so who knows?” 

“Wilma, do you think that I will go to heaven?” 

“Are you getting all morbid on me now?”

“No, but you know that at our age heaven is not that far away and…” 

“And nothing. Neither of us is going to see heaven or the other place soon. I don’t care what those doctors said.” 

“I know. I am trying to keep the faith, but you know this is a disease that there is no cure for, and my mom passed away from it and so did my uncle. It runs in my family I guess.” 

“That doesn’t matter. We are not going anywhere. We are going to live until the wheels fall off. And seeing the tires on your car that might happen soon.”

“Cancer sucks.” 

“It does. But you have beat it before and you will now.”

“Wilma, can I ask a favor?” 

“Sure. you know that you can ask me anything.”

“When the time comes, I don’t want a funeral. I want a parade down Kains Street all the way to Main Street and I want all kinds of street foods and pony rides for the kids. You know the works. Just like the parades we used to go to as kids.” 

“Well, if you want all that, may I ask how I am supposed to pay for this big parade you want?”.

“Don’t worry. I have been saving for it since I learned I was sick.” 

“Saving?” 

“Remember my uncle Roy who never married and never had kids? Well, when he died, he left me half a million dollars.”

“You mean to tell me that you are a half millionaire and didn’t tell me and I paid for the ice cream?” 

“I was going to tell you eventually. And besides you owed me ice cream from the last time. You said that the next time we had ice cream it was on you.”

“Well, that was before I knew that you were rich.” 

“Seriously, can you do that for me? Make sure it happens? I want my celebration of life to really be a celebration. I don’t want those sad funerals or memorials. I want people to be happy and have fun and think of me and say that old broads knew how to throw a party.” 

“I will do anything for you. But you aren’t going anywhere. You are too stubborn to die before me.”

“Just in case. I want to know that you got me. That you will carry out my last wishes.” 

“I will.” 

“Now can we talk about something less morbid? Maybe the weather? Or did I tell you that I saw your ex-boyfriend, Chucky the other day?”

“Now, that’s morbid.” 

“Who’s the parade for?” 

“It is for my very best friend in the world, Janna Ren Jacobs.”

“She really knows how to have fun. This is the best parade I have ever been to.” “Yeah, that old broad really knew how to throw a party and a parade.”