Seasons

"You're breaking up, what was that last--Amy? Oh, great, that's just great." Evie swiped the phone screen, hoping in vain that the cell service would magically improve, allowing her friend to save her fourth batch of cookies. "Too flat, too soft, too sweet...why do I care so much?"

Evie shook her head and began sluggishly plopping the dough balls onto the baking sheet. As if whatever extra spice or dough-rolling technique would have changed what Asher thinks about me. I've spent six hours over cookies...cookies! I'm done. She tapped through story after story on her phone, watching what her friends were doing and ignoring the sugary residue she was leaving on her phone screen. Selfies, shoes, cats, Starbucks orders. "Meaningless, meaningless, everything is meaningless." She quoted to herself an old Bible verse she'd memorized some time in grade school. "Yea, yea. What do I do about it?" she muttered and returned to her dough plopping with a sigh.

***

"Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock...jingle bells swing and jingle bells ring...snowing and blowing..." Evie slapped the old radio alarm repeatedly until the holiday tune ceased blaring. She ran through her normal morning routine--yoga, tea, journal, shower--until she took a second glance at her razor. Amy's still out of town until Friday...no one would notice...The shampoo bottle slid off the wet lip of the bathtub and clattered onto the tile. Evie put it back into its place and turned the shower to cold, finishing her routine and getting out of the bathroom in a hurry.

"Snowing and blowing up bushels of fun...now the jingle hop has begun..." Evie cursed at the car radio and tuned into another station. "Newest presidential candidate arrives at the debate in style, sporting..."

"Yea, that's what we should be worried about. Not his plans for the country or history of following through on his promises, just the color of his tie, that's great," Evie muttered and turned the radio off. "Another day commuting to the nation's capital...look any different to you today, Nutty?" Evie glanced at the purple stuffed squirrel toy that sat on her dash. "Well, things are different today. Not only do I bring my flashy brown purse into the office wearing my designer Goodwill ensemble...I bring cookies. That's right, apple cinnamon cookies. Why, you ask? Well--" Evie caught a glimpse of a passenger in the car to her right staring at her. "No, I'm not talking to a toy," she mumbled and looked back at the road in time to see the light turn red. Evie opened her mouth to continue, but her embarrassment kept her quiet until she arrived at work.

"Hey, Evie!" A plump, graying woman behind a desk in Evie's neighboring cubicle called out.

"Hey, Denise," Evie said with eyes down.

"Whatcha got there?" Denise called as Evie passed.

She stopped. She looked down at her hands and the tin she carried. "Oh, yea. I made cookies for everyone in the office. Here, would you hand them out? I have to catch an eight o'clock meeting," Evie said, setting the cookies on Denise's desk. 

“Sure, dear,” Denise called as Evie walked away. Evie straightened the single picture frame, pen holder and short stack of papers on her desk. After all that, you can’t even offer him the cookie? She shook her head in an attempt to clear it and logged onto the Teams meeting on her computer. 

A tap on her shoulder jolted her out of the trance she had fallen into halfway through the virtual briefing. She realized the meeting was ending and she was one of the last to sign off. When she looked up to see who summoned her into the real world, her stomach did a backflip. 

“Oh, hey, Asher,” Evie managed to say while slipping her headphones off and trying to slow her breathing. 

“Evie! Have you tried these cookies Denise made? They’re apple cinnamon, my favorite,” Asher asked, a huge grin showing off his straight teeth. She noticed how he included his eyes in his smile. So generous, she thought. 

“Don’t let Denise fool you, Ash,” boomed a voice from behind the cubicle divider. “Evie made those cookies. They sure hit the spot, Eve,” the voice continued. 

“Ah, thanks, Bo!” Asher called, eyes flitting from cubicle to cubicle. “Evie, you did a great job!” She saw the exclamation points in his eyes. 

“Thanks, Asher,” she let out. “And thanks, Bo,” she tried to call out, her voice cracking with the tentative increase in volume. 

“You have a good one, Evie,” Asher said with a smile surrounding each syllable. 

“You, too,” she managed. There you go again, Evie. Abounding in awkwardness at every opportunity to make a connection, she thought as he walked away. “Meaningless, meaningless, everything is meaningless.”

***

“For real? Girl, you have to actually contribute to the conversation if you want it to go anywhere,” Amy said with a chuckle over the phone. 

“Yea, yea, you and Nutty can laugh all you want but when he’s looking at me with that smile, all the words just leave me. He’s way too good for me,” Evie whined. She glanced over to see another passenger staring at her. At least I’m not just talking to a stuffed squirrel this time, she thought. 

“Evie, don’t talk like that. You’re worthy of a relationship with a good man, you know that, right?” Evie sat in the silence. Well, there’s a difference between hearing what my therapist says and believing it, she thought. “I’ve got to go, my boss is calling me now. But we’re going to talk about this more later, okay? You need to get out of this slump,” Amy said. 

“Yea,” Evie replied placidly. “Love you.”

“Love you too. Bye,” Amy said with a sigh and hung up the phone. 

Upon arriving at her apartment, Evie remained in her quiet car for an extra moment. She looked at Nutty. You don’t wanna stay out here all alone, do you, little buddy? No, of course not. Well, the only companionship I have in the house is a plant, and you have one on that, because you have a face, Evie conversed in her head. She grabbed the toy before heading inside. 

“So, you’ve had dinner and watched Grey’s Anatomy with me. Why not take part in the rest of my evening routine?” Evie asked the little squirrel. After yoga, she brought the toy into the bathroom. The gleam of the razor caught her eye while she brushed her teeth. She looked at the squirrel. She spit and rinsed her mouth out. The squirrel’s eyes met hers again when her head came back up. “Fine, fine,” she muttered and grabbed the squirrel on her way out. “We’ll go to bed early tonight.”

***

“Jingle bells chime in jingle bell time…dancin’ and prancin’ in jingle bell square…” 

“In the frosty air! I get it!” Evie yelled at the alarm. “When will this season be over?” She grumbled. She tuned out the holiday music as she laid in her bed for a few extra moments. Not just this holiday season…this season of life. Being alone…going to work and coming home…living vicariously through doctors on a soap opera…lacking the courage to even have a conversation with a human I’d like to get to know, Evie thought. She opened her eyes and saw the squirrel on the table next to the alarm still singing “Jingle Bell Rock.” She slapped it off and returned to the outside world with little hope for the day to come. 

Evie sped through her morning routine but stopped again when she saw her razor again. She stared at it, then the squirrel. “Yea, okay,” she muttered and dropped it in the trash can. “I will need that for practical reasons at some point, you know,” she said to the squirrel. “Yea, I’ll get another once Amy’s back.”

After taking the trash down to the street, she rode to work in silence. “See you soon, Nutty,” she mumbled as she arrived. “Not soon enough,” she squeaked in a high-pitched voice. She cringed at herself. “Never doing that again.” 

“Morning, Evie! How–oh, gosh,” a cheery voice trailed off. Evie stood beside the open driver door, freezing as she saw Asher approaching on the passenger side. She noticed that his smile was gone. 

“H-hey,” she tried and then recognized that he was staring at the side of her car. She walked around to it. “Oh…” 

Obscenities were spray painted on the passenger door. Her hand covered her open mouth. All the people staring at her while she drove made sense now; they didn’t care that she was talking to her stuffed squirrel. She started to feel sweat beading on her lip as she remembered she was in the presence of Asher. 

“Oh, I don’t know where this came from, I–”

The smile returned. “We do live in the city, don’t we?” She was able to share his small smile. “I have some experience with this. I could remove it for you if you want to bring it by my place after work,” Asher offered. Evie forgot to breathe. Asher’s smile faltered for a moment. “If that wouldn’t be weird for you, or if you wanted help, you know,” he said and recovered a smile. 

I couldn’t trouble him, she thought. He’s just trying to be nice. The squirrel caught her eye. “When will this season end?” she heard it mocking her. “Being alone, lacking the courage to even have a conversation with a human I’d like to get to know,” it reminded her. 

She pinched herself and breathing kicked back in. “Y-yea, that’d be great,” she said. 

“I was planning to make chicken alfredo tonight…I could make it for two,” he offered. 

Evie smiled. “My favorite. Let’s do it.”

***

 “What a bright time, it’s the right time to rock the night away…”

“Do you like Christmas music?” Asher asked as they stepped into his apartment, apparently having been left with the radio on all day. 

Evie allowed herself a chuckle. “Sure,” she said. He flashed a smile at her.

“This is my favorite time of the year. Hey, why don’t you sit down and make yourself at home while I work on your car for a minute? I’d like to get it done before the sun goes down,” Asher said, rummaging in drawers until he pulled out a spray bottle. He looked back at Evie. 

“Sounds great,” she responded and found herself smiling genuinely back at him. He waved and disappeared out the door to the garage. 

Evie sat on the couch near a coffee table. She scooted to a book laying open on the edge of the couch and peeked at it. “Meaningless, meaningless, everything is meaningless,” she read. She blinked a few times and kept reading. “For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven…”

“Hey, I got it all off! Oh, yea, I was reading from Ecclesiastes this morning.” Asher flashed an excited smile at her and sat in a chair across the coffee table. “You know, I was listening to this guy talk about it and apparently when it reads ‘meaningless,’ the Hebrew word actually translates better as ‘vapor,’ so what the author is really trying to say…”

Evie got lost in the passion in his voice and began to feel her season changing. Thanks, Nutty, but I think you’ll be able to stay in the car for a while. She smiled.