Regret

John looked at the time and it just turned 4:00 pm. He turned off his computer, stood up, and stretched, to give his anxious muscles a little stimulation. One of his co-workers peaked his eyes over the cubical wall with a curious glint.

“Going home already John? A little early don’t you think?”

“I know, but I wanted to do something nice for Mary,” he said as he grabbed his briefcase and picked up his cubical.

“When did you become the romantic?”

“It’s been a while since I’ve done something for her, I wasn’t thinking much just flowers, chocolate, dinner and we’ll go from there.”

“Wish you luck, lover boy.”

Today was the perfect day, it was Friday and Mary was distracted because she had her friend Ashley over. John went to his local flower shop. The smell of sweet nectar and green assaulted him. There was nothing he could do to defend against the aroma but why would he? The number of colors would be an offensive attack on his eyes if they were splattered on a wall. Yet, the petals made the over-saturation not only palatable but pleasing. His instinct was to buy the blood-red rose, but he picked a soft pink tulip. He remembered the first time he tried to ask Mary out. His palms were sweaty, he practiced opening lines in the mirror for a week. He wanted to bring a flower with him, but he forgot to buy some, so he plucked a single pink tulip from someone’s front yard. To his surprise, she said yes. His friends told him that he was wasting his time, that she was too beautiful for him, or he was too ordinary to interest her. He picked up a full bouquet of pink tulips with a smile knowing he had proved his friends wrong.

He had read dozens of reviews to find out what store sold the best chocolates. On every date, Mary would only order dessert if chocolate was involved. She almost became a different person. She smiled ear to ear when she ate the surgy ebony treat. She ate chocolate like a child, it would be smeared on her cheeks or spilled on her dress. He entered the store and picked up two dozen chocolate drizzled, fudge full, truffles in a red box.

Once he had the flowers and chocolates it was time for the hard part. There was a new restaurant that opened, it was an expensive place. He never took her to a hole-in-the-wall place, but he never took her anywhere fancy. He had the image he would take her to a Michelin-star restaurant, and he could make her feel like a princess. The atmosphere would be romantic; he would tell her how beautiful she was, and how much he loved her. The restaurant was not that, but it was the closest thing he could afford. He had been secretly saving money under the excuse he needed more office supplies. He never had the opportunity before because he prioritized saving. Saving for a house, saving for a car, saving for accidents, and eliminating debt. Keeping Mary comfortable was more important than some fancy dinner. Now he could change that.

He went to the restaurant’s website and called their phone number.

“Hello, I would like to make a reservation?”

The woman on the other side responded, “Sure, day and time?”

“I was hoping tonight would be good,” in hindsight he should have booked a table at least a week before.

“Sorry but you usually have to book two weeks in advance, but I could get you in at the next opening.”

“I’m trying to do something special for my wife, there has to be at least one opening, I’ll pay whatever fees.”

“I’m sorry I can’t do that.”

“Can you talk to your manager?”

“I…” The woman paused, “let me talk to my manager.”

After what felt like hours she came back to the phone, “We can make an exception, we do have an open table because we don’t fill every seat, so it doesn’t feel crowded but, there is an extra expense.”

The lady told him that it would cost nearly double the original price.

John let out a long sigh, “Okay, thank you for all your help.”

He didn’t like that he overspent but none of that mattered now. He had everything in place, spending a little extra money wouldn’t stop him. Budget? What budget, he was going to do something special.

He arrived home; he wanted to make it as much of a surprise as possible. He slowly cracked open the front door and tipped his toe in. He put down his suitcase and fixed up the flowers. He arranged them so no one was droopy or hidden by another. The chocolate was in his left hand and the flowers in his right. He heard Mary and her friend as they chatted away at the dining room table. He could hardly imagine how happy she would be. Surely, she would throw her arms around his neck and tell him he was the best husband, and he would hold her tight and tell her how wonderful of a wife she was. He peeked around the kitchen when he heard them start talking about him.

“I just wish John was more exciting, he’s kind of boring,” said Mary.

“He can’t be that boring; you married him after all,” Ashly said.

“Well, I had to make a choice, it was Chad or John, and I picked John because he was stable.”

“I thought you didn’t like your ex?”

“I say that - but Chad and I understood each other. I used to be a party animal, and he was too; it was just when he told me he was going to quit his job and do music, I knew money was going to be a problem, and I didn’t want to eat instant ramen for the rest of my life.”

“Good thing you picked John, right? Nice home, stable income.”

“Well…” Mary pulled Chad’s social media on her phone, “He’s become pretty successful in his music and makes more money than John ever could, I can’t help but regret my choice.”

Regret. Regret. Regret. Regret. That one word was what broke his back. Everything else he could ignore but, regret? She didn’t hesitate to admit it. He began to back up, he had to forget what she said, this was still meant to be her special day. He would step outside, take a deep breath a knock on the door. He kept backing till he hit the corner of the kitchen counter causing him to fall, dropping the flowers and spilling the chocolates. Mary ran into the kitchen to see what was making the sound.

“John? What are you doing here?” She went to help him up.

She saw the look of betrayal on his face and knew he overheard her.

“I was just talking; I was just joking around with Ashly.”

The look on his face did not change.

“Honey, I love you. Chad was just some dumb ex.” The worry seeped into her voice.

“I didn’t mean that I regret marrying you, I was- John? Say something.” Her worry turned to panic, “John! I take it all back, I don’t regret anything. Let’s just forget about it, please John?”

He stepped back from her. “I forgot something at work, I need to go,” he said as he almost robotically took his keys out of his pocket as his eye stared into the distance.

“John, don’t go please, we-.” Her friend stopped her, “I think he needs some time.”

Mary looked down at the flowers and chocolates he had brought her. Petals trampled and stems broken. The box was crushed as the fillings leaked out.

John drove down a few blocks and sat his head on the steering wheel. If he had only come home a few minutes sooner, he wouldn’t have heard it or just knocked on the door like a normal person. Did he make her miserable enough to regret their marriage? Did he work too much, not do enough with her? Did she ever love him?