Keeping Up Appearances

It was close to midnight when Anna decided to leave the bed and shuffle to the living room. No matter what she tried, what white noise she found on the internet, or what techniques her life coaches or associates recommended, nothing could achieve that blissful REM sleep she desired. Something had latched onto her brain lately, and no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't alleviate herself from that feeling. It had been a long day, sure. She had several meetings planned for the next day, so there may have been some anxiety. But it wasn't her schedule that was bothering her, nor the workload it entailed. Something distracted her mind, bringing her energy levels down whenever she got home. So instead of her dreams and bed to keep her company, her TV would suffice.

Anna flipped through the hundreds of channels available to her, but nothing seemed to stand out like they had done in the past. She was too old for the cartoons she grew up on, the edgier shows were too much, anime wasn't her thing, and she couldn't stand how overacted infomercials had become to fully enjoy how silly they were. There were political channels, but she didn't even enjoy debates about the subject. There were the financial channels, though they bored her to no end. Late night news? There was too much on her plate as it was to also think about potential war or what diseases of the week were coming out. Though as Anna kept a focus on the channels she didn't care for, her eyes kept telling her to avoid certain others until one forced her attention enough to finally look into it.

It was a rerun of a celebrity awards show from the two days before. A lot of the stars were still filing into the theatre room. Of course, greeting those celebrities, the reporters from every news outlet or entertainment gossip column. Every star welcomed to the gala as they strode on the red carpet, stopped every two minutes or so for pictures or those burning questions the "people at home needed to know." But what was to know? They were here for an event, told they might be getting an award, and finding their seat incredibly excited or terribly disappointed by the outcome. One by one, they were asked the same questions. It was becoming intolerable even for Anna. She was about to change the channel when a certain figure appeared to be the media's next target.

She looked young and beautiful. Light peach-coloured skin with ruby red lips, long eyelashes, piercing blue eyes, and her golden blonde hair curled and tied into a pretty rose in the back of her head; something that must have taken at least a couple of hours with a stylist to get perfected for the event - not that she'd know. Her dress was nothing short of beautiful as well. It was red, shimmering with what could be considered gems dotting the entirety of the attire. Form-fitting, shoulderless, showing just enough cleavage that illustrated that she was still a modest individual but a mature woman. Her footwear showed as much flare, being the same in redness as sparkliness. It was only a half heel – a smart move on her part since anything higher would have destroyed her feet getting home.

What was most striking about the woman was how happy and excited she was to be there. Her bright and expressive smile was offered to everyone who stopped her along the way. She exuded jubilation, perhaps because she was nominated for supporting actress in one of her movies, or she was genuinely happy to be there. Anna couldn't tell which was right, though she longed to have even a fraction of that woman's enthusiasm later on.

"Tell us, Miss Swann, who are you wearing today?" the reporter asked with the same energy level as he had given several others.

"Ah ha, well! I'm wearing a Mr. Khan original with ruby dust glitter and satin silk polyester. The shoes were also made by his team."

"Just, wow, you look so beautiful today. Now, I'm sure the audience at home wants to know, do you think you'll win today?"

Miss Swann giggled at the camera playfully, but Anna could only roll her eyes. She knew it was a fake laugh, but did it have to be played up at much? 

"Oh wow, that's really hard to answer, you know? Like, many talented ladies in our industry today work so hard in their craft. And, like, I know I only just hit the scene a year or so ago, but I have a fair chance! The nomination is pretty sweet, right?

"I would say so!" the reporter said with as equally a fake smile as hers. "But speaking of your relatively short time on screen, has it been hard for you to adjust at all to scheduling for scenes or rehearsing your lines?"

"You know... Okay, so I was a country girl all my life, right? And I was raised by a simple family with the expectation of working hard to get where I want to go. Now it's making sure things are done at this time, and I have to make sure of this and that, report to so-and-so by this time for this scene, or making sure my agent knows about this thing and- Hoo, It's all a little too hectic for me. But I can still say I am following my daddy's advice about working hard, and I certainly know where I want to go from here."

"Do you ever get a chance-"

Anna paused the playback on her TV and gazed upon Miss Swann with a tiny sense of reverence. This woman had everything figured out in her life, how well she knew the trajectory of her path and how to best get there. On the surface, Anna enjoyed her job and loved the life and luxury that came because of it. And she remembered where she came from, how she mentioned her family and her daddy's lessons.

"So why am I like this...? What's wrong with me?"

Anna looked into the TV once more. The woman on the screen looked happy. The entire time at the gala, she was happy. She met so many amazing people that exchanged numbers with her and promised to meet for lunch at some point in the month – schedules and agents permitting, of course. She didn't win her best supporting actress award but was genuinely proud of the woman who had. She felt pride in herself that so many people cheered her name, from other fledgling actors to veterans in the field. She danced at the after-party, drank the finest champagne, and even flirted with some of the stars. She had the time of her life at the gala.

And yet, for how different this woman was on the screen, she was still the same person sitting on the couch at that very moment. She was still Anna Swann. The same woman who was experiencing this bout of melancholy she couldn't get rid of nor understand why it existed. But then she furrowed her brow. A lot happened at the gala, and added to the drinks she consumed, she couldn't remember much. What was that reporter going to ask? She put the playback for a couple of seconds and resumed.

". . .I am following my daddy's advice about working hard, and I certainly know where I want to go from here."

"Do you ever get a chance to talk to your folks with such a busy schedule?"

"Mm, not as often as I like. But! I know I'm in their prayers as they are in mine and that they're watching me on my aunt's big screen with the rest of the family. So I just want to say hi, boys! Hi Aunty Bea, and hi Momma and Daddy-"

She paused it once more. She thought about the last year, from auditions to rehearsals. From the first utterance of "action" to the last "cut" before the wrap-up, Anna had been sequestered in a small trailer and her home with little time for herself. It had been twelve hours of daily shoots and reshoots, makeup and lunch. Every day she had been exhausted but knew the hard work would pay off. She spent so much time focusing on what was ahead of her she had forgotten was she had left behind. Who she had left behind. It was only when her heart had caught up with her mind that she finally realized why she was feeling the way she was.

Without hesitation, Anna ran from her living room and back to her bedroom to grab her cell phone from her nightstand. Her fingers were blitzing across the screen, dialling her home phone number back in Kansas. She tried gulping down the knots forming in her throat while listening to the ringtone. Three rings passed. Then five. Anna began to fidget in her bed until...

Click.

"Mm...hm... Hello?"

Anna kept fidgeting, now realizing it was 1am where she was, which meant it was 3am back home. She bit her lip, embarrassed to call so late, but knowing she had already disturbed him, Anna knew it was better to go all in.

"Ah, hi, Daddy."

"...Sweet pea? Wh-what's wrong? Why you callin' so early in the mornin'? Everythin' alright?"

"Y-yeah, Daddy. Everything's fine. I... I just miss you guys..."

The conversation was brief since her father had to work in the morning, but the two promised to catch up with one another while she had downtime between projects. Anna turned off the phone and let it rest gently on her nightstand. She felt the tears roll down her cheeks, but her lips showed her true feelings. Anna let herself smile once more. It was genuine and a lot brighter than she saw on TV.