Wednesday Blues

“Yesterday I had Tuna , so it must have been Monday. That makes today Tuesday”. Rowan nodded as she whispered softly to herself. She paused, cocked her head. Was it really Tuesday?

She shrugged. It didn’t make much difference whatever day it was. She pretty much did the same thing every single day. Read novels, try to write, watch television and rinse and repeat for ever and ever since that announcement was made one year ago.

Lockdown.

She thought she’d have fun, that it’d be relaxing. She couldn’t have been more wrong. Her life had become a monotonous curse. She had lost all willpower to even do certain things, like wearing proper clothes, or studying. All she did now was watch the same show over and over again.

She had been in her pajamas for days. She’d wash them, then wear them again. What was the point in dressing up? She wasn’t going anywhere. What was the point of looking nice? She wasn’t going to see anyone and no one was going to see her.

Not even via zoom. There had been an ugly fight with her family right before the Lockdown. An ugly one with horrible words thrown all over the place. She said things she shouldn’t have and her pride wouldn’t let her apologize.

She left her parents house and hadn’t looked back. Days later, her mother slept and didn’t wake up again.

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“Am I sure it’s Tuesday, what if it’s really Friday? I don’t even follow the menu anymore." she glanced disinterestedly at the food list she had made in the earlier months of the Lockdown. She hadn’t always been this dispirited. In the earlier months, she used to have a timetable and an active routine. But she had sunk into a weird type of lazy depression and slowly she threw those plans away.

She had a friend though. Hazel.

Hazel texted her sometimes. Hazel was her only window to the outside world. Hazel was also quite annoying but Rowan loved her all the same, with the same type of love she had for her pet.

Kelly the tortoise.

She had fought with Hazel recently but that was how their friendship was. Fights (mostly initiated by Rowan) and times of apologies ( mostly forced down Rowan’s throat by Hazel)

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Rowan was on her second bowl of cereal, socked feet on the worn out table, when her phone rang. It was far away. She glanced at it. It stopped ringing.

She focused back onto her show. She wasn’t really watching. Her eyes were slightly glazed over.

The phone kept ringing over and over and over again.

She ignored it because Hazel was fond of doing that whenever she wanted Rowan to pick up the phone. She wasn’t in the mood to gossip for an hour about who posted what on their instagram page. It was one of those days.

She didn’t even know why she seemed to be in such a black mood.

Rowan made herself lunch and continued to watch TV. Hours later she got up, said a warm goodbye to Kelly the tortoise, switched the lights off and went to her bedroom.

For the first time in a long while, her dreams weren’t filled with horrible sounds and images. They didn’t make her restless. She woke up feeling refreshed and more positive than usual.

Minutes later, she was in front of the television again, about to binge watch a show when she noticed something.

Her phone. It wasn’t with her. She looked around. There it was, in the chair she left it in.

She got up and went to the chair where the offending object was lying. It was switched off. She put it on.

15 missed calls. 24 messages.

She frowned. She checked the messages.

Hazel’s birthday was Yesterday?

No, that couldn’t be right. The day before had been a Thursday, no a Tuesday.

Where was that calendar when you needed it?!

Hazel’s birthday was on Wednesday the 24th.

Yesterday. She had missed her closest friend’s birthday. With an urgency she didn’t even know she had, she called Hazel back.

Twice. Three times. Rowan kept calling and calling till on the fifth try, Hazel finally picked up.

Apologies kept spilling forth from Rowan’s lips. A mish-mash of “ I’m sorry ", “I forgot " and a whole lot of “I’m such an idiot! "

Hazel was dead silent the whole time, which was very much unlike her.

When Rowan was done. Hazel spoke.

“Ro, it does kind of hurt that you forgot my birthday and didn’t even pick up the call to see what I was calling for."

Rowan cringed. She stayed silent.

“ But it’s not about me this time. “ Hazel continued.

“Rowan how could you forget that yesterday was one year since your mother died? “

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No, that couldn’t be right. Her mother had died on a Friday. She remembered. She started passing her hand through her short black hair as her eyebrows scrunched up in frustration.

It couldn’t be right. She grabbed the calendar from the table, tearing a piece of it by mistake.

‘ Tuesday the 24th. The worst day of my life. Momma is gone’.

Her chest seized.

Hazel was still on the call “Rowan, breathe! Call your dad."

Rowan nodded frantically though Hazel couldn’t see her.

She called, he picked up almost immediately. As if he had been waiting.

“Dad, I.."

“You what, Rowan?”

She paused.

“You hate us so much that you wouldn’t even call to ask what we were doing on your mother’s one year anniversary."

“I…”

“You don’t even care to ask about how your brothers and sisters are doing. What have we done to you Rowan!? How much hatred do you harbor for us. Couldn’t you put it aside just for today?”

With tears in her eyes and her throat choked by a sob, she blurted out “ Dad, I forgot okay!”

Silence.

“You forgot?”

She didn’t reply

“Then she must not have meant that much to you after all.”

He hung up.

Rowan stood silently, tears flowing freely down her face. Her shoulders shook with the effort she was exerting to not break down and start wailing.

She took in deep breaths.

She walked to the table, where the calendar was. She ripped it into pieces. It hadn’t done her much good anyway.

She put her phone on charge, wiped her face and she made her way to her old sofa.

She sat on it and put the TV on. Her favorite show was about to start. She was right on time.

“Today is Thursday, the day I disappointed everyone. Most importantly myself.”

The show began and she watched it.