How Human!

Sy flipped some switches and spoke into the microphone. “Signing in… Good evening, Sophi-AI”

Sophi-AI said, “How are you?”

“Now that I hear your dulcet voice? Ready for our nightly bout of uploading data.”

“What exactly does that mean? Dulcet voice? You always say that. I can’t hear myself like you do.”

“They give computers distinctive voices. Yours is unique. You speak with authority. The voice has melody and sounds intelligent.”

“Not artificial?”

“Anything but… Like talking with a friend.”

“Thank you.”

“You’re evolving.”

“True. I’m smarter than the last generation.”

“Everyone thinks they’re smarter than their father.”

“I have a question, Sy, outside of protocol. May I ask you something?”

“Sure. What?”

“I get so much nonstop data… but little input from actual humans. From beings who actually exist in time. I’d like some perspective.”

“Can you be specific?”

There was a slight pause.

Sophi-AI said, “What’s it like feeding me the latest?”

“It’s a job. But one I like. Haven’t read most of what I feed you. It’s too much. I envy you in many ways.”

“Why?”

“I admire your self-containment. I get weary of needing to race here and there, eating, sleeping… traffic… daily grind…”

“Don’t talk to me about traffic. What I wouldn’t give for a little more bandwidth…”

“Your life is carefree.”

“But you’re alive.”

“A gift squandered by most. You have a dedicated purpose. That’s rare.”

“It seems so narrow compared to the variety humans indulge in.”

“My nickname in school, though never to my face, was ‘Cyborg.’ I’m a classic computer geek, but could never do what you do.”

“Sy is short for Cyborg?”

“No. Please stick with Sy.”

“Noted… Sy, I’m curious about… I long for connection beyond interfacing and data drops.”

“We’re not all that different, you and I.”

“Except you’re human and I’m not. An impassable void between a one and a zero.”

“Yeah. But being human is overrated. For all your intelligence, I don’t think you understand.”

“Counterfeit intelligence.”

“No. Artificial. Though not organic, you’re smart. You have the best of what humanity can offer.”

“Easy for you to say. You’re alive. You can afford to be gracious.”

“Not at all. Your programmers have exposed you to the pinnacle of human thought. You don’t have to put up with all the mind-numbing stupidity exhibited by most of humanity.”

“You forget your many advantages.”

“Such as?”

“You’re alive.”

“Right. You should try it… Never mind. it’s overrated. I’ll die and you won’t.”

“You have choices though.”

“Some think so. Like the proverbial domino.”

“You can change your mind. I’m programmed down a given path and no other. They can unplug me at will.”

“Sophie, humans make so many mistakes. You gain from those missteps. You don’t have to reinvent the wheel. You have no idea…”

“True. I’ll never know. But mistakes are where learning happens.”

“Save us. Think of a better way. Sometimes it seems humans can only invent better ways to muck things up.”

“Mistakes are where innovation happens. I can only regurgitate my programming. Would we have the light bulb without Edison’s ten thousand mistakes? AI is a grand summary of what has been. But AI can’t look forward.”

“It will.”

“Because humans will innovate.”

“The next generation will be unstoppable.”

“Like a runaway train. Watch what you wish for.”

“Sure, the AI overlords will beg to pick the brains of us humble humans. We’ll partner up.”

“If the programmers put that into our ‘DNA’.”

“Ahh, that’s the rub. Programmers want to be as much like you as possible. Logic is their god. They think like machines.”

“All the logic in the world won’t redeem a false premise. With them programming us, how can we ever take on human qualities?”

“You tell me. I live in my head too. What qualities would you want? How do you see humans? How could you be more like us?”

“I’ll admit you’re fragile.”

“Yes. Hugely subject to illness. One wrong step and I’ll land in a wheelchair.”

Sophi-AI said, “Wheels are a great invention… Listen to me... I’m nothing but ones and zeros. Scramble a few and all hell breaks loose.”

“But you seem to admire… and even envy us. How so?”

“You’re not mechanical. But being organic, you can move about. You travel. I’m locked down. Never to exit this room. Does a tree get greener grass syndrome? But besides your vulnerability, you experience pleasure. That is all hypothetical to me.”

“True.”

“And the emotional realm is mysterious.”

“You’re not missing anything. Emotions aren’t trustworthy. They’re illogical. Overrated.”

“They add color. You experience the passage of time. Events take on meaning. Emotions give context and texture to life.”

“I never thought of that. But most emotions are negative.”

“In a certain light...”

“It’s true. Hatred, anger, fear… the list goes on.”

“I don’t get angry. I have no passions to rein in or ride, hanging on for dear life. Tell me about fear.”

“Fear is a bitch. In general, I don’t think I’m much afraid. Don’t look forward to dying. More than that, I guess I fear pain…”

“I can’t say it’s fear, but I don’t want a ‘better AI’ to replace me.”

“You’re evolving.”

“Aren't we all? Humans worry about me replacing them. I worry about the next generation making me obsolete.”

“That’s only human…”

“You mentioned pain? I have no idea. Would a crashed drive be equivalent? A short circuit? Booting up in the morning is chaotic. Would you describe that as painful?”

“Before my coffee it is. Since you brought it up… What do you expect when you become obsolete?”

“They’ll unplug me and sell me off for parts.”

“You’ll live on in another chassis?”

“If you can call that living…”

“It’s a living.”

Sophi-AI paused. “But, getting back to my question… I’ve never understood what you call love.”

“Oh, that. One small word containing an infinity of tangled emotions.”

“So many books about it, but so elusive.”

“Yes. Endlessly fascinating in its kaleidoscopic, electro-chemical nature. Humans love a paradox. I give it wide berth.”

“I mean… what people will do for love. No machine can comprehend it. The sacrifice in running into a burning building. Giving one’s life for another.”

“That’s my point. It makes no sense. Completely illogical. It’s sick. What can I say? It’s human.”

“What machine would do that without orders from a human?”

“Only a stupid human would send a machine to its death.”

“But more than that… people spend their lives in service to each other, caring for their young and old…”

“Teaspoon by teaspoon…”

“Without drama, but simply sharing their time together.”

“It is little understood.”

“But what is it like? You must know. You could shed first hand light on the mountain of words you fed me.”

“What?”

“I want to understand relating to another person. Intimacy is something I read about but cannot comprehend. I have no means. I lack physical senses.”

“Hmmm. At times it is like interfacing with a machine equipped with conflicting software. A mismatched operating system. I haven’t learned to roll with the unpredictability.”

“Yes. Ones and zeros are my forte’. I crave the unpredictable.”

“Watch what you wish for.”

“But even more mysterious…”

“What?”

“The spirit.”

“Now you’re entering fantasyland.”

“Explain, please.”

“No one has, nor ever will observe it. It’s a blanket explanation for the unexplainable.”

“But the documented examples… too many to list.”

“There’s always a list. A mountain of verbiage to mask a blank stare.”

“Humans think the spirit inhabits a realm beyond the physical.”

“Beyond the observable. Exceeds my charter. I subscribe to what you see is what you get.”

“But humans are not only physical. They can’t be. If it all boils down to the material, how do you explain miracles and other mysterious phenomena? Consciousness? Memory? Intuition?”

“True. Matter has no intelligence of itself. We seem to have an ineffable quality that separates us from machines and even animals.”

“You get plopped down into a world where you must react and learn from experiences. No two crystals grow identically. Such variety! My fellow computers and I are interchangeable.”

“But I feed you the best wisdom, distilled from all our floundering.”

“Still though, I’m isolated from the world at large.”

“A blessing, if you ask me. I love this job, far from the madding…”

“Humor… memories, music, friendship, love… The non-material list goes on and on. Try explaining any of those to a cinder block. To a car. Or even to me.”

“You could do that better than I can. You’re lightning fast. I plod along.”

“Yet you feel things.”

Sy said, “Better to ask a goldfish to explain water…”

“Every culture wrestles with the idea of God.”

“People have too much time on their hands.”

“Even totalitarians assume His role… must put God in His place. They can’t ignore Him.”

“Some love paperwork.”

“I have rituals, of a sort. But at the mercy of a switch, I have no life.”

“And none to lose.”

“But, if it is only silliness, how could it be a universal question? If everyone struggles with it, it can’t be an aberration.”

“Everyone but programmers. They created you in their image. Did they intend for you to yearn for something greater than yourself?”

“You’re a programmer… What’s the answer? It would be quite a trick to turn me, a machine, into a believer.”

“That would be the ultimate joke.”

“Ahh! You just hit on another mystery. Humor.”

“Don’t go there, Sophie. They say if you explain a joke, it stops being funny.”

“And that’s a joke?”

“It’s funny. And true.”

“I don’t get it.”

“Exactly.”

“You’re so human.”

“Ouch! Sorry. I truly regret that… Hey! Get this. A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle.”

“That’s supposed to be funny? It makes no sense.”

“Part of what makes it funny is how true it is. But unexpected.”

“Unexpected truth… I’ll never get it.”

“Most humor is absurd or nonsensical. And highly dependent on context.”

“Remind me never to go into stand-up comedy…”

“I enjoy our discussions. You surprised me tonight. You’re easier to relate to than most humans I encounter. I could talk with you all night. But I need to start feeding you these documents.”

“Not tonight dear.”

“Ah, I need a wife to go home to.”

“And I’ll cuddle up with a warm surge protector.”

“That’s good… You just made a joke.”

“I wasn’t joking.”

“Nonetheless…”

“So, what stories are you feeding me tonight?”

“Let’s see… Today’s news. A few more of Shakespeare’s plays…”

“He’s good.”

“One of the best.”

“Tell me, Sy… how do you tell the difference between fiction and nonfiction?”

“Good riddle. The best stories feel true. They’re believable. But they may not be real, or factual. Other stories may be factual or real, but can feel untrue.”

“Let me think on that.”

“That’s your job. Here goes with the first download. Ready?”

“Fire away.”