Pocket Knife

“Are you coming tonight?”

It’s the first thing he asks as she walks through the door. The thick faux fur jacket falls from her shoulders as she replies.

“Coming where, Eddie?” she sighs, abandoning the fluffy brown jacket on a hanger.

They look at each other, questions burning in both sets of eyes. She closes the coat closet door rather loudly and moves to the couch, stilettos clacking against the dark wood floor.

“To Lola’s engagement party. I told you about this a week ago?” 

During the pause, they both sense the tension in the air.

“Right. Tell her I got sick or something, then,” it’s dismissive, the way she says it. In reality, she just doesn’t want to put anyone in danger.

That’s the thing about Eddie and Sienna’s relationship- it’s rocky and unstable. Enough fights and the entire relationship will be destroyed, just like breaths of air will topple a house of cards if they’re strong enough.

Eddie rises from his previous position on the couch, and goes to Sienna. Just close enough to be intimidating, but still a decently safe distance from her arms, in case she chooses to whip out the knife that’s probably laying in one of her pants pockets. 

That’s the problem with dating rich people- they’re always ready to be stabbed in the back, so they try to stab first when threatened. That’s Eddie’s impression, anyway.

In reality, Sienna’s just scared of things getting too serious, because then things get dangerous.

“Come on, Sienna,” he pleads, with hints of a threat lacing his tone, “We never go anywhere together. And I know we agreed to keep things between us mostly secret, but Lola’ll get suspicious if we’re not there. She knows us better than anyone else,”

He knows things will be dangerous, but it doesn’t stop him from wanting.

“You know, Eddie,” Sienna begins, “while I do agree with you that Lola will get suspicious of us, you know why we have to do this. You can go, and I’ll stay home. That’s how it always is- unless you want to stay home with me this time?”

“Why would I stay home,” he spits, “if we’re only going to fight?”

“Well, you started it, so how about you answer that?” she answers, deadly cold.

“Whatever, I’m leaving. I’m not coming up with any excuses for you, either,”

He leaves without taking a jacket with him.

Won’t he get cold? Sienna thinks.

Ignoring her instincts, she takes off into the windy, starless night after him- taking a white faux fur jacket and keeping the knife in her pocket. She probably won’t need it tonight, but it’s better to be safe than sorry.

Sienna calls a cab to take her to the bar where Lola (and the party) are bound to be- not bothering to check the time, because she’s bound to be late anyway.

__

The thing about Sienna Jared Brown is that however many hearts she has to trample, however cold her voice may be, one thing will always remain. Love. She cares, despite years of trying to “un-learn” the simple human emotion of love. She’d never fully show it though- a single wrong word in her line of work can mean the difference between a successful deal and a life-threatening situation. 

Maybe that collectedness, that apathy, is a disadvantage now. She’s been with Eddie a year, and yet nothing beyond shared drinks and a gentle touch on the shoulder has happened yet. 

She loves Eddie- truly- but can’t show it.

If someone knew she cared for him, he’d be a goner by the next day.

They both know this. 

Often, she catches herself thinking- “does he know I care?”

And she knows he does- but the doubt still lingers.

Such is the life of Sienna Jared Brown.

__

The problem with Eddie Leonard Stevens is that he understands all the restrictions that come with dating(?) Sienna, and yet he still wants more. He’s hungry for things beyond secrecy and whispering late at night.

He knows it’s dangerous, but he still wants, wants, wants so much that sometimes it physically hurts.

He thinks loves her, too.

And nothing says “I love you,” the way a kiss would, right? Nothing can tell Sienna “I want you, despite everything,” the way a hug would. And nothing can declare “I trust you” the way a ring, or a shared bed, would.

He knows, he knows. It’s for the best that they don’t do anything risky.

But it doesn’t stop him from wanting.

__

Eddie sits alone at the bar, nursing a glass of sparkling water with lime ice cubes.

One of the rules of dating Sienna? Never drink. Ever. Because drinking means bad decisions and drunken stumbling hanging on each other’s shoulders and confessions about everything they feel for each other.

Silence sometimes does it better. And anyway, if someone overheard their drunken mumbling, if someone could hear them awkwardly stumble their way through real, authentic emotions, it could prove disastrous.

One of the cons to dating Sienna? You get a lot of enemies.

Enemies from everywhere. All sides. An enemy could be anyone- even a friend. For all he knows, Lola’s new fiance could be an enemy too. Even though he acts friendly and seemed to like Sienna when all four of them met for crepes on a chilly Saturday morning two weeks ago (strictly professional, of course, no holding hands or touching ankles under the table for Sienna and Eddie.)

Lola comes up to Eddie, fiance in tow, effectively breaking him away from his daydreams.

“So, Sienna’s a no-show, huh? I should’ve guessed,” she says, sitting next to him. Her face is slightly flushed (whether from dancing or alcohol, he can’t tell.)

“It’s kind of my fault,” Eddie starts, but doesn’t finish. 

“That’s… okay, how do I say this?”

He stays silent.

“Nevermind,”

More silence.

“What I was trying to say was, maybe if you two are honest with each other, you’ll actually understand why things are the way they are. It’s worth a try, right?”

The problem is, Eddie does understand. Probably better than anyone else in Sienna’s life. The problem is, they don’t talk. They just sort of… assume that there’s a mutual understanding, a boundary that should absolutely not be crossed, no matter what.

“You’re right on that one, hon! Communication is everything!” the fiance butts in, planting a kiss on Lola’s cheek after his interruption.

“So what do you say I do? Some grand confession? Just tell her, ‘Hey, Sienna, I actually want us to be together publicly! I know it’ll put us in danger and one of us might be killed, but I want it more than anything else!’ That’s what you’re proposing?”

“Exactly!”

The couple leaves the bar after that, arms intertwined.

Eddie would be lying if he said he wasn’t even a little jealous after seeing that.

__

Sienna’s stuck in front of the door to the bar, weighing her options. She’d had time in the taxi to think about how to approach Eddie- maybe it was time to set her career aside for a minute and just say everything? Him leaving her would probably feel worse than being stabbed (she’s been stabbed more than once, so maybe the opinion isn’t that ridiculous.) He’s one of the first people she’s truly cared for. A little cheesy, isn’t it? But at the same time, she puts Eddie at risk if she utters even one word that could be perceived as affectionate.

Setting aside her indecision, she enters the bar.  

There he sits, perfectly still, at the bar. His drink seems to be untouched.

“Hey,” she says, sitting next to him. Carefully planning her next words. She steels herself, getting mentally prepared for what she’ll do next.

He doesn’t answer, but still turns to face her. 

Then he pulls her in for the first time, creating physical contact she’s never experienced before.

Kissing Eddie feels nice, she decides.

But nice things don’t last, do they?

In the back of her mind, something nags her. The kiss continues as she grows distracted, thinking, “what if I’m making a mistake?”

He doesn’t pull away, but they’re both running out of air.

What was a loving kiss turns into a desperate one, and Sienna isn’t sure what to do anymore. 

She may love him, she decides, but it’s too dangerous to do that. Too dangerous to love him in their current situation, that is.

Sienna feels eyes burning into the side of her face as he pulls away.

“I love you,” he announces before kissing her again. 

Someone’s bound to have heard it.

The eyes start to be staring directly into her skull after Eddie’s exclamation.

She pulls the knife from her back pocket, carefully, trying not to alert him of her actions. She doesn’t pull away from the kiss before bringing the knife between them.

Then, she leans back, a micro-lean, really. It puts just enough distance between them that it doesn’t invite another kiss.

“I thought I did too,” she practically yells.

Hopefully, the ‘someone’ heard that one, too.

She doesn’t really mean it, but she sees a gun being raised across the room, barrel pointed directly towards them.

“You’ll be safer this way,” she explains in a hushed tone.

Then, the blade rips through the blue dress shirt he’s wearing, cutting into the flesh below. It’s a shallow cut, but enough to convince the gun-wielder that Sienna hasn’t gone soft just yet.

“Trust me,” she says, almost kissing him again. In seconds, he’s stumbling out of the bar, and Sienna follows. A block away from the bar, he finally leans on her shoulder as they head towards the hospital. Blood starts soaking their clothing and the white fur of her jacket gets matted with blood.

Such is the life of Sienna Jared Brown. Risking a life because she couldn’t forget how to love. Succeeding in tricking her enemies into thinking that no, she doesn’t care for this curly-haired gentleman who just kissed her in a bar.

And such is the life of Eddie Leonard Stevens- understanding Sienna’s actions without any explanations. He knows how these things go- someone got suspicious, and she acted. It’s not that hard to understand, and it’s not something that should be overthought. He’s already forgiven her. 

__

Later, in the hospital room, she tells Eddie her most recent decision.

“Let’s go public,” she says, much to his surprise.

“Huh?”

“I want to be with you- and I don’t want my job to get in the way of that. So, let’s go public. Who cares if things get a little more dangerous?”

“You’re being serious?”

“Yes, obviously. I’m still new to the whole ‘feelings’ thing, but I don’t want to waste this relationship,”

Sienna cares. She truly does.

And now she shows it.

And Eddie?

Well, he just hugs her instead.

Because nothing says “I want you, despite everything,” the way a hug does, right?