Moon and Me

Moon and Me

"Welcome. Hi. Welcome. Everyone please find a seat. Please turn off your phones and all other 20th century technology. Good morning and welcome back. Welcome to season 87 of the Renaissance Faire here in Crownsville. 

The story line this season is Anne Boleyn- second wife of King Henry VIII."

"I believe most of you already have an assignment, you worked here last year, err the last season that we were open anyway. If you are not sure please see Yvie." Moon pointed to Yvie, who had a very long neck thus she wore a green, high dress covering her throat. 

"I am Moon. My pronouns are They/ Them. A little about me, basically, I've worked here forever. I attempt to recreate or relive the sights, sounds, and experiences of the Renaissance era. God Save the King. Needless to say, I am protective, one might say, over protective, of this event- this experience." Moon points to a wall size screen. 

Anne thought to herself, Great another PowerPoint. How Boring.

" I hope you are ready to go back in time. The magic is here." Moon said, intending to enchant and excite.

"First- Let's review Dress Code. Remember, you basically get to be someone else here. This is not Ren-Fest 2022, This is 16th century Europe. Embrace it, Enjoy it. Be Bougie. Be free. 

However, earrings are not allowed. Neither are purple Uggs, huh-hmm. 

Shoes must be …comfortable, but also period appropriate. 

Hair and Makeup…also must be period appropriate." 

Crikey. Did he, err, I mean they, just call me out for wearing my purple Uggs?

"Next- Speech- You are encouraged to speak with a slight English accent. Perhaps throw in words like a bit, or wee bit. Try using bloody or cheeky in a sentence. Instead of French fries say chips. Remember lines are queues. Keep it easy enough for any American to understand. We are selling the illusion. 

That's bloody rubbish. 

"Finally- Food and drink are period appropriate or shall I say period appropriate enough while still making money. This season the faire will offer turkey legs, of course, meat pies, steak on a stake, bread bowls, Mead, cider and coffee thanks to our sponsor, Starbucks." 

Starbucks that's rubbish, bloody awful! Bollocks! 

****

"Welcome. Hi. Welcome. Everyone please find a seat. Please silence your phones.

Good morning and welcome back. Welcome to season 87 of the Renaissance Faire here in Crownsville. Today is day two- your History Lesson- generally we will be talking about Medieval England today."

Moon wore white leggings with an embroidered cape as they sang a parody. 

♫♫♫"Cabbage on beans and porridge on bread

bright copper kettles and warm venison

herb basted vegetables served with a fork

these are a few of my favorite things-" ♫♫♫

Moon was obviously pleased with themselves, perhaps one reason an adult male should not wear leggings- just saying.

"Samples of the faire food are coming around. Please enjoy." they announced. 

****

With just one bite Anne became a time traveler. 

Magically she was dressed in a green, high-necked dress. The air was suddenly much chillier- It was January. Where am I? She wondered. As she looked about, she saw horses, smelled horses. There was dirt- lots of dirt.  Is that a lute? Was that a rat? Why is it so dark? Luckily, I wore my Uggs.

Anne hid once she recognized Henry outside of Greenwich Palace. Like a trigger, Henry made her feel anxious and insecure. I wish my sister was here. "What am I doing here? How did I get here?" she asked, not expecting an answer. 

An angel wearing white leggings appeared, "Today is the day that will change your life forever, ma'am. Today is the day you become queen consort- God Save the King."

Anne lowered her head in defeat. "Right."

"The etiquette of time travel is quite delicate, ma'am. You shouldn't let anyone see you, ma'am. You shouldn't talk to anyone. Ma'am, you shouldn't take any actions that might change history- forever. There will be sharp consequences." The angel advised.

"Rubbish. Am I to understand that by eating one bite of meat pie I have gone some… what… 500 years back in time? Naturally, I am nostalgic about that time, but that doesn't mean I ever want to go back and repeat history. "

Anne sat silent next to the lantern, she remembers this day- she remembers her fear and unease and suspicions about her future as Henry's wife. Anne knew that her marriage to Henry would not end well for her. 

Can I trust this angel? What do they mean by consequences? This is ridiculous. "How do I get back to Crownsville? I have a job, a real job to do now. I can't stay here! What is this skullduggery? " 

****

"Pardon me your highness, but what is so great about 2022?" 

"Uggs- purple Uggs, that is what is so great. Freedom, I mean I can do anything I want- paint my nails, get a tattoo, chew gum, umm Google. Plus, I am not restricted by rumors about affairs, or gossip regarding incest. In fact, the topic of religion or the Church of England never even enters a conversation. It is as if the beheading never happened. "

"I understand ma'am. With respect ma'am, I thought you always did anything you wanted- remember when you snuck out of the castle? Anyway, too much freedom can lead to a soul's decay- that's what I always say. God Save the King. There is only one way I can help you get back to the future. You must kill the moon-ministers. The moon-ministers must be dead 24 hours from now otherwise you will be stuck here. Your time starts now. Good Luck."  

The ultimatum left Anne more confused, why them? How? What if they kill me first? Where are they? 

" But you warned me about taking any actions that might change history, you said consequences. What else have you got? I've turned soft. I don't do that stuff anymore."

Anne used her phone, watching cat videos on YouTube did the trick. With time to spare, Anne killed the moon-ministers. 

Ultimately Anne alerted to the vocal fry of a woman sitting at a nearby table, " O-M-G, to be honest, basically I am like, allergic to everything. Seriously." 

Anne became a vegetarian after that.