Please don’t forget me

My house never was so dreary as it is now days. As I sit here watching the snow fall outside a stray tear slides down my cheek. I wipe it away as I long for the times that not only my heart was bursting with joy but the house was filled with love and laughter. Those days have went to the wayside. The family isn’t as close as it once was. When my marriage fell apart for the second time, it tore my family apart with it. It was as if we became the Hatfields and the McCoys. All ready to battle at the drop of a hat! Even though the children would be grown when we spilt the dishes, we would allow one of our children to put a deeper wedge between us then would be necessary.

After my daughter was satisfied that we were done. She would work on getting him to walk away from the remaining four children turning him against not only them but six grandchildren to boot. I don’t know how she was able to do it but she was able to do just that! She was able to become the only child he had and her three children his only grandchildren he had. They would only come around to my house on Sundays for dinner after church and for holidays.

All of my children would come home on Sundays for dinner, Easter , thanksgiving , and Christmas. I would watch some of the younger grandkids sometimes but not often. Usually it was just my dog and I when I am wasn’t at work. Rarely would my phone ring. When they would call they usually wanted something , had a question, needed advice, needed money hardly even was to just check on or ask about my day. I was starting to feel as if I wanted to see my children I had to have food or gifts or they wouldn’t come. I was beginning to feel as if I was just being used by my family would they even miss me? Would they remember me? If I went missing tomorrow or was kidnapped would anyone look for me? Would they care? I wasn’t sure if I was going through a midlife crisis or if it was part of getting old!

I just felt as if I wasn’t appreciated, that my family just didn’t care even when they came over. They would come in eat, get up from the table and go into my living room lounge on the furniture take naps or watch television while I put the food away and did the dishes. I was just in the background they would talk among themselves I would just be there chiming in occasionally getting a nod here or there. Was I slowly getting forgotten? Or replaced by other family members ? I start not having Sunday dinners every week. I just couldn’t afford the family is getting too big. I’m one income feeding twenty plus people every week is taking its toll on me financially, no one offers a solution. I just get a reply back from everyone of ok. The family is still in turmoil every time my daughter can twist a knife in someone she does! She has a habit of knowing the right things to say to start a ruckus and then pretend she has no clue why that set that person in orbit. She’s just one of those people that likes drama and if there’s not drama creates drama.

My dog is getting older, he all of a sudden gets sick. My granddaughter works at the vet clinic. I have my one daughter take my dog out to have him looked at. The news isn’t good, I leave work to meet them at the clinic the hardest decision I have to make is to euthanize my best friend. I’m in shambles. I take my dog home with me, my family does all come home to help me bury my best friend. Having my family there means a lot to me but it’s short lived. They all go back to their lives, forgetting about dear old mom.

They start only coming around on the important holidays Thanksgiving and Christmas and not staying very long. Then they start to go to in-laws on those days I’m forced to pick other days to celebrate my special days with them. I feel as if I’m taking a back seat to the family I once felt was so precious to me. Is it me or are they forgetting that I have feelings too? I’m human too? Oh how I long for the close knit family I once thought I had!

And to think they all just live a stones throw away. I can see them coming and going. They just don’t take the time to stop in to say hi or bye, their life is too busy to be bothered by poor old me. I sit and stare at my phone and wonder if it is still working or not. It hasn’t rang for days! I flip it open and push the call button to make sure it has a dial tone. Yep, it sure does! So it still works. I quickly close it back up, keeping the line up in case someone is trying to call me, I don’t want to miss a call from one of my kids or grandkids. I hold them so near and dear to me. I go to my door look out the window checking to see what they are doing see who is home and who isn’t, longing to hear from one of them. Wishing for them to come over and see me even for just a moment or two. Maybe I should make a dinner this Sunday they surely will come to see me then! Oh how I long for the pitter patter of the little feet and giggles of the grandchildren playing and the commotion and chatter of the children talking about their jobs, how their day was, what their kids were up to. If only they weren’t forgetting about me! How I wish they would remember me, I might be getting older but I’m still alive, breathing and most importantly their mother. Please don’t forget about me.