The Karmic Joke

With a knot in his throat, Byron dared to eavesdrop on their conversation.

"Do you believe in karma?" Maxine asked.

"Sure. It makes a lot of sense."

"I think I'm suffering karmic retribution," she sighed.

Adam laughed. "How do you figure that?"

Maxine sighed again. "I really messed up my ex-boyfriend at Penn. I didn't break it off nicely, and I really broke his heart. He still calls me, and the pain's still in his voice."

"We all do it at some time or another," Adam figured.

"Maybe. But I think now I'm being gotten back for what I did to Keith." There was a long pause. "Now I'm the one who's suffering."

After another silence, Adam asked, "You really want Byron back, don't you Maxine?"

"God, Adam, you have no idea," she exclaimed. "But he doesn't want me anymore."

Byron almost slipped off the bullwark. Was Maxine crazy?

"Why do you think that? Everything you've told me points to the guy wanting you more than anything in the universe."

"Then what about what I saw?" Maxine questioned anxiously. "It's so stupid, but that's the image I can't get out of my mind. And it digs up all these concepts out of my psyche, like betrayal, like him not wanting me. So all these people keep telling me that what I thought was going on between them wasn't, that I had just walked in at the wrong time. But how to I reconcile what I saw with what I'm being told?"

"I will tell you this," Adam said. "It's obvious how much Byron loves you, Maxine. I don't think anyone who has seen the two of you together could even picture him with another woman. And, as crazy as it sounds to me, I am inclined to believe what I understand to be his version, because I cannot believe that he would betray you." Adam chuckled. "Great, I'm shooting myself in the foot."

"How so?"

Byron held his breath, waiting for Adam to speak. "Here I am with you, Maxine, and I'm nuts about you myself. Maybe if I was a jerk, I'd be encouraging you to forget Byron and go for me. But I'm not a jerk, and I really care about you, and I want to see you happy. And I know that Byron makes you happy." He breathed deeply. "So instead, I'm telling you to give him the benefit of the doubt."

Maxine contemplated silently. "Every time I've given Byron the benefit of the doubt, he has never let me down. I don't know why I thought this time would be any different."

"Well, I think coming home to a sight like what you saw will jar anybody's common sense and logic," Adam theorized. "But now you've had some time to think it over. Do you think Byron was fooling around with Samantha? Or do you believe there is, in fact, some other explanation for what you saw?"

Byron clearly heard Maxine's exasperated exhalation. "I know he wouldn't touch Samantha," she admitted. "I made an ass of myself."

"Oh, come on," Adam exclaimed. "Who the hell can blame you?"

I don't, Byron thought.

"You know what it is? I've figured it out," Maxine said. "Adam, I think Byron is the real thing for me. You know, that life partner thing?"

"Is that bad?"

"Well, no," Maxine conceeded. "But it is frightening to love someone so much that you can clearly see yourself spending your life with them. It's like you give up part of yourself, a wager on a bet that you hope will pay off. If you lose, you lose that part of yourself." She paused. "I think I am so afraid of the bigger loss down the road that my brain wanted out of the relationship before that could happen."

"So you were subconciously looking for an excuse to bail," Adam summed up.

"Maybe."

"That makes sense, actually."

"So now what?" she posed. "I mean, do I try and patch things up, or do I not take that risk, Adam? I don't know."

"Sure you do," Adam insisted. "You're going back to him, and you know it."

"Is it that easy? I've been a monster"

"I think Byron will excuse you, Maxine."

Maxine fell backwards, laughing until her ribs hurt. "Oh, the merry go round goes round and round, and will never let me get off," Maxine giggled. "The universe is playing a game with me."

"Maxine, what are you talking about?"

"I walked into a soap opera," Maxine tittered. "Right into a tabloid blow-out. Am I a mess or what? Oh, man, now what do I do?"

"Are you going to forgive him?" Adam asked.

"For what? Doesn't appear that he did anything," said Maxine, staring upwards. "Question is, will he forgive me?"

"Do you really have to ask that?" said Adam. "He loves you so badly, it hurts him."

Maxine mockingly pounded herself on her head. "I haven't been nice. And my brother nearly turned him into roadkill. What does ol' Byron think of us nice Donegals now?"

"You're going to see him Monday, anyway, right?" Adam mentioned.

"Not if I can help it," Maxine snapped. "Richard will switch me to another crew if I ask him."

"Like fun he will," said Adam. "As long as Byron wants you, Richard will do everything he can to bring you two together."

Maxine let out a long exhalation. She grumbled, knowing Adam was right. She recalled the desperate spiel Richard had given her on Friday, claiming Byron's total innocence and begging her to go home to him. Now she found herself believing, more or less, that Byron had not cheated on her. More than anything, Maxine felt betrayed by the idea that her own eyes could decieve her, and that so many people had tried to convince her of such.

She sighed, looking at Adam. "My band wants me to go back to Philly with them," she said.

"I heard," he answered. "Are you thinking about it?"

"I am. Very much so, actually."

"That would be a shame," he voiced. "We'd all miss you." And they lapsed into silence.

Maxine knew she wanted to do the right thing; however, she didn't know what the right thing was. Should she cooly avoid and ignore Byron until this project was finished? Then she could go home, go out to Panama City Beach with her father, soak up those Florida rays, and forget this whole drama had ever occurred. Or, should she travel up 95 with the Deflowers and dedicate some time to serious music making? Or, should she face Byron, let him know that she forgave him, ask for his forgiveness, and then see what happened? Maxine wished her heart leaned towards the beach and the sun, or the bass and the club circuit, and forget. However, and Maxine acknowledged this fearfully, she could not deny the love for Byron Thorn, her desire to always be with him, which pervaded her being. This whole incident would not have hurt so badly if she wasn't so in love with him. And Byron, who had done nothing against her, had suffered greatly.

"I think," she said, "that I still need to think."

Emilie J. Conroy

ejconroy778@gmail.com