68

68

Only a few weeks after being born, I got extremely sick. The doctors declared that I would not make it. My parents took me home, believing my life would not last longer than a few days.

My mother was nothing if not a fighter and decided to take matters into her own hands. It was a great effort for a woman who had recently lost her father. But she was very motivated: she had already given birth to two boys and desperately wanted a girl. She won that battle. However, it soon became apparent that this little girl would never be strong enough or have the energy to enjoy the carefree life she had wished for. That made her a very protective mother who treated that girl as permanently sick: vitamins, antibiotics, and additional resting time were needed to raise her.

Kids may be new here and not understand words, but they pick up and interpret emotions very well. Therefore, I was happily surprised when my mother prepared her famous cocoa drink and fried sticks of bread, which always made me feel at home. It was mid-August, but the weather was not as hot as it is now. My friends were invited to taste and toast to my happiness. The table was ready with the finest china and snow-white napkins. A vase with daisies was at the center of the table. I felt I had reached a milestone and was excited to have a party organized for myself for the first time. Sometimes I felt nobody was happy having me around; that first party made me reconsider.

It was number 5.

Surely there were other excellent celebrations after that, in my teens and adulthood, but I cannot remember the details. Life was uncertain in the teens, full of discovery and learning about everything, as well as the rules society demands of everyone. Although for me, learning was a wonderful path. I always enjoyed reading the next chapters of our history and natural science textbooks after the school lessons, which made me quite odd and unpopular among many of my fellow students. The term "mobbing" was not used in those days, although the phenomenon existed then as it does now. A (un)human aspect of life. I began to be identified as "an unusual girl".

After finishing my studies, it took me a few years to get a job I enjoyed, but then I excelled. It was the result of a mixture of affability of character and a good measure of good luck. I gained knowledge about financial markets and “emerging technologies”: market data distributed by terrestrial telephone lines was displayed on small monochrome “green screens” with green phosphor characters on a black background. It was real-time information in tabular format and was crucial for the financial markets of the time.

Little afterwards came the white screens, still displaying data in tabular format, but with black data over a white background and red/green arrows to indicate ups and downs of market data. Satellite communications were then a new thing; I keep a strong memory of a data fault delivery via satellite during winter that took the Chief Engineer some time, and a call to the Sweden office, to find out that it had been caused by the snow on the antenna disc. Just weeping it out made it.

The real game-changer came with the Microsoft Excel spreadsheet: calculation capabilities, graphing tools, and a Visual Basic macro programming language. Up to then, data could just be followed on the screens. With Excel, data could be stored to create historical series and graphs and perform calculations. An exponential leap that, in some respects, was the inspiration for Internet features like hyperlinks.

Caught up in everyday life, I did not pause to celebrate every year. Like in Dust in the Wind: “All my dreams passed before my eyes with curiosity.” I met new people, travelled often, and deeply enjoyed life. I fell in love and got married. And fell in love again several times…. but stayed married.

One of my most vivid memories is of a summer at the seaside. I felt optimistic. After losing the job I had enjoyed so much, I started a new occupation as a freelance Investment Fund Analyst. It was a challenge because, although I had financial knowledge, writing and speaking on specialized media was new to me. The first time I stood before a television camera, I experienced genuine anxiety. I overcame it with time. It is just a matter of managing your adrenaline, but it is always there.

During a vacation near the seaside, I felt like celebrating, and that wasn’t easy when you are far from friends. But I remembered my cousin Premila and her husband lived nearby. They are both doctors, although Premila had not practiced since her graduation. We invited them to an early dinner at our hotel. It was nice, but it was obvious they were not in the mood to celebrate themselves. Later on, we found out that she had been working very hard to get a doctor position in the city at that time. A lesson about being on different wavelengths.

It was number 51.

Meeting with former classmates, after 40 years! It was grand. We hadn’t changed so much. Everybody wanted to talk at the same time, then calmed down and started to tell our story one by one. We named our WhatsApp group The Magnificent Seven, but only six of us met.

I must make a digression here. The seventh was living in the US, and neither of us had heard from her in quite some time. We later learned that she had developed an early Alzheimer's disease. She passed away during the second year of COVID. She died in a nursing home in our hometown due to a lack of attention and love derived from the COVID-era rules. Fortunately, we could visit her before those years and sang “our song” to her in the presence of her husband and her son. Very emotional indeed. We didn’t know that would be our goodbye to her.

Whatever the circumstances, we immensely enjoyed seeing each other again and celebrated with a wonderful lunch and cake.

That was number 60.

A turning point for me. I decided to retire. My work was enjoyable but also very stressful. After so many years, the toll was showing its face on me. I decided I needed to rest and take better care of myself. The celebration was pitiful, though. As my friends were away, I decided to prepare a special meal and have a chocolate cake decorated with the number. But this time it was my husband who was on another wave. He had a heart attack a few weeks after his retirement, and he was concerned that I might face a similar situation. Talk about fears and self-inflicted worry!

That was number 65.

I promised myself to involve my friends the next time. A dinner with our long-time friends, a couple we met at the University: he is a doctor, and she is an engineer. They happen to be our wedding godparents. A nice event in a serene atmosphere at one of the city’s premier restaurants. We shared memories and discussed our plans to prepare for a different life: less activity and more leisure time. We wished to do something meaningful in the years to come and reset our lives for retirement. One present from my friends I still keep: a small elephant carving made of malachite. It is such a beautiful color.

That was number 66.

I cannot say about 68, it has not yet happened. But I hope it will be one of the best!

I will tell you in ten days.