The Ghost

It was the incessant knocking that forced my crusty eyes open. It forced me to swing my legs over my bed in such a quick motion that the dozen beer bottles on the floor collapsed making a crashing sound. The groan escaped my lips to add to the clatter. The throbbing in my temples complimented the beat of the knocks. 

“I’m coming damn you!” I shouted as I picked up the clothes strewn across the floor from the previous night.

The wall comforted me as the room began to spin from the night’s festivities and the rapid movements. I quickly placed the crumpled white t-shirt over my head and then pulled up my jeans. 

“I told you I’m coming!” I screamed as the knocking didn’t cease but increased in volume. 

My imagination failed me as I wondered who could be knocking so aggressively at my door. Must be the landlord, I thought. With that realization, I grabbed my phone at the living room table and looked at the date. No, it can’t be him. It’s not even close to the first of the month. Unless he’s panicking because of the rain and wants to go over the protocol in case of flooding. It was raining brutally outside and the wind was howling. I only knew that because it had disrupted my drunken slumber throughout the morning. 

As I was running this through my mind, the knocking stopped. Silence permeated the room. The door was in eyesight and I just stared at it. The silence was more uncomfortable than the noise of the knocking. Silence enveloped me and my body started to have that pins and needles feeling. It was the silence I couldn’t stand. With an agonizingly slow pace, I made my way to the wooden door. 

I gingerly looked out the peephole to see the culprit of the knocking. No one was there. I am unsure if it was curiosity that was compelling me to open the door or if it was something else. The pins and needles feeling hadn’t gone away and I wanted to go back to bed. Whatever the reason, I swung open the door with a racing heart.  

As I opened the door, someone jumped and yelled “Boo!” in front of me. One glance at the auburn hair color made my body immediately relax. 

“Oh, it’s you Rose,” I sighed with relief.

With a beaming smile and a tight hug Rose said, “Emmy, you love to keep me waiting!” 

“Who buzzed you in?” I asked. 

Rose replied, “You know I can charm my way into anything.” 

“You almost charmed your way into my fist! I wasn’t expecting you and I have a hell of a hangover…but please come in,” I said. 

I shut the door and made sure I locked it. 

Rosemary made herself comfortable in a chair at the table in the living room. She was a stark contrast from the dreary weather outside with sparkling blue eyes and a grin from ear to ear.  

“It’s been a while Em,” she said. 

“It certainly has been Rosie!” I sang. 

“Can I make you some coffee?”

“Only a little bit."

While the coffee was brewing, I turned to Rosemary and said, “Well, this is a pleasant surprise!” 

“You know me, I am full of surprises.” 

She paused and put her hands meaningfully on her lower stomach. 

“Now, I understand the impatient knocking! Rosie, congratulations! When did you find out?”

“I found out last week and you're the second person to know. John is the first. I wanted to tell you in person and I couldn’t wait any longer! I’m sorry if I was interrupting your Sunday at all. I know you and Richard usually spend Sundays…” her words trailed off when she saw my face change. 

Rosemary has been my best friend since elementary school. In kindergarten, we used to trade lunches with each other. We often finish each other’s sentences and we can communicate with a single glance. 

“What happened?” she asked pointedly. 

“Coffee is done!” I said and swung my back to her to pour her a little black coffee. Just the way she likes it. For myself, I opened the refrigerator and took out the Baileys. 

“Em, I don’t want to nag you but you reek of alcohol and you look really pale…don’t you think you should slow down?" she pleaded. 

“I am slowing down! I only drink when I’m feeling a little stressed!” I smirked. 

Rosemary was not amused. Her beaming smile had long left her face and she had a knowing sadness that she seemed to only reserve for me. I sat down next to her and looked her in the eyes. 

“I don’t want to say this to you to hurt you Em, but you're starting to get a reputation with the rest of our friends.” 

“What are you talking about Rose? You act like I care what the rest of our friends say about me!”

“It’s just that, this is a pattern you have, you know? You get close to one guy, he falls in love, wants to settle down and then you…disappear. You don’t even have the decency to end things with someone in person. You just stop talking to them without any explanation,” she said this with tears in her eyes. 

It pained me to see Rosemary upset and I understood why. I knew she wouldn’t say it out loud, but a part of her was worried I would never settle down. As teenagers, we used to always talk about having our children grow up together. With her recent news, I knew that this was in the back of her mind.

“I just haven’t found the one that makes me want to stay. I’ve expressed this to you before,” I said. 

“But Emmy, there was nothing wrong with Richard! He had everything going for him! I thought you were happy!” she exclaimed. 

“I was happy…until I wasn’t. The feeling just faded and I just faded out of his life,” I stated.

Rosemary lifted herself up from the chair and walked towards the door. “You know what our friends are starting to call you? They call you 'the ghost.'"

***

The next morning felt like deja vu because the rain had yet to come to a halt. If I gave it more thought, I would say the days blurred together before I met him. Later he would tell me that he was instantly drawn to me like a moth to a flame. 

I was peering at the rivulets on the window and listening to the pitter-patter of rain. It was subtle at first and then it started to crescendo. The pitter-patter was getting louder and louder until I heard a voice.

“Mind if I join you?” he asked. 

I was surprised at his presence but when we made eye contact, I felt my eyes widen. He would also later recount to me that he was taking in my long, dark hair and thin lips when I answered, “If it suits you.” 

My hands were clasping a mug of freshly poured coffee that still had steam coming off of it. 

“So is it a habit of yours to sit by yourself and drink?” he probed. 

“I’m guessing you've seen me in here before, can’t say I’ve seen you though,” I said. 

“I like to stay to myself most days. I get what I need and get out,” he said. 

I smiled at that response. “Can’t say I blame you on that, most people are a waste of time,” I remarked.

I started to observe him more thoroughly. He had salt and pepper hair with thick brows. His hazel eyes seemed to be searching for something. Our eye contact was broken when my phone buzzed and Richard's name popped up. Though I tried to turn off the phone as quickly as possible, I knew that he had seen the name. 

“Let me guess,” he said, “a waste of time?” 

“No, it’s not like that…he’s just…” I hesitated to find the right words. 

“You don’t need to explain anything to me. You don’t know me after all…and you should never trust a stranger,” he said. 

“And what if I wanted to get to know you?” I said. 

“Well let’s start with an introduction. My name is Roman Edwards. And I promise when you do get to know me, you’ll never ignore my phone calls.”

***

Time with Roman seemed to pass like a bird gliding through the air. Several months of pure bliss did not seem real to me. The laughs we shared and the intimacy I felt was unique for 'the ghost.'

Rosemary knew it. She sensed something different in my tone when I would talk about him. Usually, I could tell that her happiness for me with someone new had a limit. In the past, she didn’t want to hear too much about my latest prospect because she didn’t want to get emotionally invested. Roman was different though. She actually wanted to meet him. 

On one of our phone calls to each other Rose said, “I’ve been trying to find him on social media but he’s so mysterious!” 

“I know, he doesn’t have any of those distractions,” I answered. 

“Well, I feel like that’s a great sign!” she said.

It certainly is, I thought. 

***

It became a nightly ritual for Roman to sleep with me on my queen sized mattress. I would tease him about his snoring throughout the night and he would tease me about loving the sound of it. 

“Remember when I first met you?” he asked one night as we were snuggled under the covers. 

“How could I ever forget?” I said through a smile. 

“You were ignoring Richard’s phone call and you told me most people are a waste of time.” 

His eyes had a sparkle in them that indicated his amusement. 

“Do you still feel that way?”

Maybe it was the way he asked. Maybe it was because the sparkle had left his eyes and something else seemed to be there. 

I tensed up and answered slowly, “Roman, I’ve only known pain before I met you. And to me, leaving someone before they left me was a way to protect myself. Especially if they got too close.” 

“But time is all we really have. You have to learn to value each moment because you never know when it’ll be your last,” he said gently. 

“I value you,” I said, “and I always will.” 

He sat upright in bed and turned to look at me. “I know you do and I know you will. It’s not me I’m worried about. I want to make sure you value yourself.”

The conversation had taken an uncomfortable turn for me. I stared at those hazel eyes and roughly put my lips on his. He grabbed my face and I clung to his body.

***

It was the tapping that awoke me. Half-asleep I heard something tapping at my window but ever so lightly at first. Then it got louder and louder. I sat up abruptly in bed and turned my head towards the window. Nothing was there. I rationalized the tapping in my mind. It must have been that godforsaken sparrow that has a nest outside. Most mornings its babies were screeching for food. 

Once my mind started to focus and I looked to my left, I felt Roman’s absence. I scanned the bedroom to see if any of his items were on the dresser. They weren’t. 

“Roman?” I called. 

There was no answer. Only silence. I rose from the bed and headed towards the kitchen. Nothing was disturbed which was strange because Roman loved to make his coffee as soon as he woke up. I went back to the bedroom and picked up my cell phone. I went to my most recent calls and found Roman’s name. I hit his name on the screen but the phone just kept ringing. No answer. I started to reason with myself. He probably went to pick up some groceries for breakfast. He had done that once before and surprised me with an omelet, a side of bacon, and a little orange juice. With this thought, I became more calm and I texted him.

“Hey where did you go?” I asked.

He’ll reply when he gets the chance, I thought. He wasn’t the best at texting, but he made sure he always replied when he was available.

***

A week later, I was in bed with a beer bottle in hand. My phone started to buzz and my heart skipped a beat. I sprung up over to the dresser across the room, but the overwhelming sadness crept in again when I saw the name. 

“Hi, Rose,” I said. 

“How are you feeling?” she asked sympathetically. 

“Like shit."

“Can I come over? I really want to talk to you in person,” she said anxiously. 

“I told you Rose, no visitors.” 

“You can’t isolate yourself like this Em…I think you should talk to a professional.” 

“I’m not gonna talk to a professional just because I got ghosted."

“This is why I want to see you…there’s something else I need to tell you,” she said. 

“If you want to tell me something, you can do it over the phone!” I exclaimed.

“Well, you know when I told you that I couldn’t find anything on Roman Edwards…well I found something…” her voice became incredibly soft. 

“What did you find?” I whispered. 

“The only Roman Edwards I found was in a news article. He was murdered in his apartment when he opened the door to a stranger knocking...”

After a long pause, Rosemary said, “Did you hear me?” 

“I heard you loud and clear. I need to go,” I said.

“Emily, please let’s talk about this, I have a therapist…” 

I turned off my phone and searched for the nearest unopened beer bottle.