Bus Boozer

The bus was several minutes late as usual, which frustrated Anna greatly as she was tired from a stressful day at work. As soon as the doors opened, she jumped on board, swiped her farecard, and took the first seat she saw that was not occupied. Pressing her body against the smooth cold window, she fumbled through her phone and whipped out her earphones for some music to accompany her on the ride home.

There were not many other passengers with her, even as the bus took its tour through the bustling downtown. Anna took a gander of the vehicle she sat in and only saw a few other individuals scattered throughout. None of them looked like they would pose any kind of a threat to her. She drew a breath and started to relax.

When the bus made its next stop, two men climbed on board – a middle-aged man in a business suit, and an older man in jeans and a dirty t-shirt, wearing a fishing hat and glasses. Murray, the man in the business suit, took a seat across from Anna facing her, but did not pay her any attention. The man in the dirty t-shirt stomped down the aisle until he spotted the young woman pressed against the window.

“Mind if I sit here next to you, young lady?”

Anna looked up at him and scoffed internally, wondering why he had to sit next to her when there were so many empty seats. But she didn’t want to make a scene, and simply shrugged. “It’s a free country, I guess.”

The man sat down next to her, not taking his eyes off of her. Anna renewed her attention to her phone, trying to ignore the stench of booze emanating from the stranger.

“My name is Saul, by the way.”

“I’m Anna.” She could not have said it with any less enthusiasm.

“I normally don’t take the bus,” Saul said to her, “but I just have gotten tired of riding alone, you know? I’m a single guy, I’m not married, I don’t have any pets, and I like to mingle around other people, you know?”

“Uh huh,” Anna said blankly, barely able to hear him over her music. Murray glanced at the two of them, then turned back to his newspaper.

“People are really interesting,” Saul went on. “They always have their little stories to tell. Every person’s life is like a novel no one else has read. They’ve each had their own experiences that are all their own. We simply don’t have time to learn everyone else’s story because we’re so busy with our own lives and our own problems.”

“Yeah, sure.”

“Tell me young lady, what do you do for a living?”

Anna paused her music, sighing deeply. “I’m a paralegal for a securities law firm.”

“Paralegal, huh? That must be interesting.”

“It’s really not. I find most of the work very boring.” Anna actually loved her work, but didn’t want to delve any deeper into it with the man sitting next to her.

“I’ve had to hire lawyers before in my life. Most of them you really can’t trust –“

“Excuse me, sir,” she finally interjected, “I’m really tired and just want to listen to my music on my way home. It’s nothing personal, I just don’t have the energy for any conversation right now. I’m sorry.”

“I had this one lawyer,” Saul continued, “who I swear to God was the biggest chickenshit I had ever met. He refused to go to the mat for me. He was my lawyer for my first DUI, and he basically just let them walk all over us. The breathalyzer was bad, you know? Damn things are never accurate. Shouldn’t even be allowed. But he wouldn’t get it tossed out. Would just let that damn cop lie about me. I was drivin’ fine. That sonofabitch lawyer really cost me.”

Murray looked up from the newspaper he was poring over and turned his attention to Saul. “I think you need to stop talking to her. The young lady has made it clear she does not want to speak with you.”

Saul looked over to him in disgust. “I am just makin’ conversation. Relax, dude.”

“She doesn’t want any conversation. Leave her alone.”

Saul ignored him and turned back to his seatmate. “People really have no respect for elders. I’ve been around the block, I’ve seen and done things the youngings today have never seen. Is it so hard to give people like me a little respect? Kids these days just don’t know the meaning of respect. I don’t mean you, of course, you seem like a very polite and upstanding young lady. Whoever you are with, he is a very lucky man.”

Murray shook his head in frustration.

“You are very pretty, you know that? Gal like you must have guys interested in you all over. Got some great DNA in you girl. You’d be one excellent mother.” Saul watched as Anna squirmed, pushing herself as close to the window as she could. He shifted over slightly to be nearer to her.

“You planning on getting married and having babies someday? I sure hope you do. Any child would be lucky to have you as a mother. You’re probably a dynamo in the sack too.” He leaned his face over to look at hers. “Tell me, what position is your favorite?”

“Driver!” Murray yelled to the front of the bus. “This man is harassing this young lady. He is clearly bothering her and needs to be moved to a different seat, or off the bus completely.”

The bus driver spoke in a monotone voice. “Sir, please do not talk to the driver while the bus is in motion.”

“One of your passengers is harassing another. It’s your responsibility to do something about that.”

Saul darted his head at the businessman, shooting him a nasty glare.

“There’s nothing I can do,” The driver stated. “He is just talking to her.”

“No, he is harassing her. Either do something about it or I will be reporting you.”

“File whatever report you want. It’s not gonna do anything.”

Murray looked back over at Anna, giving her an apologetic shake of the head. She looked over at him, a tear streaming down her cheek, as Saul continued to talk to her.

“I kind of wish it was raining, you know? I like the sun and all, but sometimes when I’m feeling miserable I just want the world to reflect how I feel. Clouds are nice because they make everything cooler and darker. I don’t like pouring rain of course, I just like to watch the raindrops bounce off the window sometimes, you know? Flashes of lightening are cool too. But don’t kid yourself – lightening can kill you. I had a friend who was struck by lightening some years ago and he survived, but he was never the same.”

At last the bus was nearing Anna’s stop, which filled her with intense delight, but also some dread. She pulled hard on the cord repeatedly, making sure the driver would notice it in time for her stop. He did, and the bus pulled over and slowed down before stopping completely at the street corner.

“This is my stop,” she informed Saul. “Please excuse me.”

“Of course, baby doll. I’ll get up with you too.” Saul stood up, and Anna maneuvered past the seat into the aisle as fast as she could. As soon as she was in the aisle and rushed toward the front exit Saul began walking toward the front of the bus as well.

“Hold on sir,” Murray stood up and stepped in front of Saul. “You’re not getting off at the same stop as her.”

“What? This is my stop too!”

“No it isn’t,” Murray yelled, looking over as Anna mouthed a silent thank you to him right before she ran off the bus. “You just want to follow her so you can pester her some more. I’m not gonna let you do that.”

“This is my stop! I’m telling you, I live in this neighborhood!”

“Well, then you can get off of at a later stop. That’s the price you pay for harassing someone on the bus. I got no sympathy for you.”

“You son of a bitch, you move right now or I’ll make you move!”

Murray stood over Saul, hoping he would take notice that he was a good four or five inches taller than him, and much stockier. “Yeah? How are you gonna do that?”

The driver, running out of patience, closed the doors and resumed driving as soon as the light turned green.

“I kill you!” Saul screamed, throwing his fist and slamming it into Murray’s right eye. He didn’t have a very strong arm but it still sent the businessman reeling.

“Someone call 9-1-1 now! This man just assaulted and threatened me!” Murray regained his composure quickly and grabbed both of Saul’s wrists, holding them as tightly as he could to prevent his assailant from striking again.

“Let me go you asshole!”

“No! I’m not gonna let you hit me again! You, the one in the back with the gray hat! Call 9-1-1 now!”

The passenger in the back obliged, whipping out his phone and dialing for the emergency services. The other passengers were at rapt attention but still seated. Some of them had taken out their phones and were using them to film the altercation.

“All I wanted was to talk to her! She was so beautiful and nice! It’s not a crime to make conversation with a lady!”

“Just stop talking, old man!” Murray was holding on to Saul’s wrists like his life depended on it, because for all he knew it did. “You’re just digging yourself in deeper and deeper!”

“You don’t know what it’s like for a lonely old man like me!” Saul was screaming loud enough to reach the heavens, frantically trying to wriggle his hands free from their confinement. “I wanted to make her my bride, that’s all! And you went ahead and ruined my LIFE!!!!!”

“The dispatcher wants to know what bus this is,” the man in the gray hat called out.

“It’s the 8A Northbound!” Yelled a young man seated near the fighting passengers, who had his phone’s camera aimed at the fracas.

“Thank you! This is the 8A Northbound! We’re on 11^th and we just passed… uh, we just passed Tierney Ave! Please get down here before someone gets hurt!”

“I am gonna make mincement out of you!” Saul bellowed as he threw his arms around haphazardly in an attempt to make Murray release them. “You can’t stand to let anyone else be happy! So I will make you miserable! And dead! Very, very dead!”

Murray was growing fatigued, and frustrated, but he was relieved to see two more passengers finally rise from their seats and hustle over to help subdue the disorderly passenger. They both wrapped their arms around each of Saul’s arms, and as they looked fairly strong, Murray finally felt safe enough to let go of the attacker’s wrists and tend to his own bruised eye. Saul, however, was not any less frantic or furious.

“Let me go!!! LET ME GO! I’ll sue all of you! I know really good lawyers and I will sue you all so bad you’ll have nothing but mattresses to call home!”

“Just shut the fuck up!” One of the men yelled at him. He turned to the passenger who had placed the 911 call. “When are the police getting here?”

“They should be here soon. Hey, I think I hear sirens already.” Sure enough, the police sirens were soon audible, then grew increasingly loud as they came up to the bus. A police car with flashing lights sounded its siren behind the bus, signaling for the driver to pull over. The bus slowly pulled into the right-most lane as a group of pedestrians on the sidewalk stopped to see the goings-on in front of them.

Saul was still fighting to escape from his co-passengers’ prison as two police officers entered the bus, immediately able to identify the assailant who was red-faced, screaming, and laying on the floor with two men holding his arms.

“Ah police, thank God! The other passengers ganged up on me! They punched me and threatened me and now they’re holding me prisoner like some animal!”

“Sirs, that is so not true.” Murray pointed at his injured eye. “This man was harassing a young lady sitting next to him, and when she got off he tried to follow her off the bus. I stopped him, and he responded by punching me here. This bruise is his doing.”

“HE’S LYINGGGGGG!!!”

“Nope, the guy in the nice suit is telling the truth,” Said one of the men detaining Saul. “And several of us on this bus have video evidence to prove it.”

One of the officers motioned for the passengers to let go of Saul, then took him into his arms, made him stand and held him tightly. “Can any of you show us your videos?”

The young man who had recorded the events ran up and showed the officer his phone. “It’s right here, mister. Here, you can see him punching the dude in the suit, then it all went crazy from there.”

The officers both looked at the video, then at the man screaming obscenities on the floor, then at the businessman with the black eye, and their decision was obvious. The first officer took out his handcuffs and put them around Saul’s wrists. “Come with us sir. You’re under arrest for assault, drunk and disorderly conduct, and making threats of homicide.”

“I didn’t DO ANYTHING! YOU FUCKERS ARE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER! YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT LOVE IS!” Saul continued screaming as one of the officers pulled him down the aisle and off of the bus.

“If that is what love is, then I’ll be forever glad to be single,” the remaining officer quipped, shaking his head at the soon-to-be-incarcerated man. He turned his attention back to the crowd. “The rest of you, I’m gonna need to take some statements from you about what happened. Let’s start with you sir, the one who got punched.”

Murray was game. “Sure, I’ll lay it all out. But first let me text my wife to let her know I’ll be late for dinner.”

*         *         *

It was almost nine o’clock that evening when Murray finally arrived home, exhausted and weary. His wife was sitting in the living room watching TV quietly.

“Honey!” She sprang up from the couch and hugged her husband. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m just tired.” Murray took off his suit coat and his tie, throwing them onto one of the nearby chairs in the dining room. “I was at the police station for quite a while.”

“Don’t you think you should go to the hospital too?”

“I know it looks bad, but actually my eye is fine. It doesn’t even really hurt anymore.”

“Is that guy in jail?”

“Oh yeah. He’s not getting out anytime soon. And the city is investigating the driver for not stopping the harassment of that girl and allowing a fight to break out on the bus.”

“There’s still some dinner left. It’s cold but you can reheat it.”

“Thanks.” He walked into the dimly lit kitchen to grab some food.

“You gotta be more careful there, Mur. There are a lot of dangerous nuts out there.”

“Bonnie, that girl was able to walk home safely today because of what I did. That’s worth me taking a pop in the eye for.”

“But you could’ve been killed today!”

“So could she, Bonnie. So could she.”