Dissolution

The air was thick with fog, wisps of obstructing mist seeped over broken yellow lines of the long forgotten back road. It was early morning when I began my drive through the dense forest of the great green mountains of Vermont. Oh, how I treasured the simplicity of the moment. The solitude matched with eerie calm of crisp autumn leaves floating from the sky like confetti, a dream world hiding me from the nightmarish reality of outside . Nothing could be more perfect than this…

The thought no more popped in my head before I was quick to dismiss it. You say that now, I thought, until, you reach your destination. The ruffling of divorce papers meekly sliding across the back seat during a turn, fill the cab of the car, a quiet reminder as to the reason for my abrupt return home. Yes, the damn divorce papers. Well, she can’t complain they’re signed and ready, I assure myself. Though , I know that is of least concern, signing the papers was never the issue, or receiving them for that matter. Hell, it was a joy all in its self opening them in the driveway by the mailbox. I smile with mirth at the memory of my nosey neighbors peeking out their windows at my strange behavior, I don’t fault them, how could they have known my shouts were of glee. No, the papers were not what had raised an eyebrow, the condition however was. Why, couldn’t she just let me mail them back like any other hapless married couple? She mailed them to me after all. I chuckle to myself, just not her way. It was never her way, just the particular personality trait partly to blame for the current circumstances I’m suffering now. A flood of arguments enter my brain as I hit the accelerator, anxious to get on with the whole charade. I curse as the car reacts atomically, swaying sideways when a tire catches a clump of sodden fallen leaves. I correct the car with ease , old muscle memory kicking in. Damnit, pay attention, I scold myself. These are not the southern roads you are now accustomed to, these are treacherous mountains roads, I remind myself. Yes, we are no longer in Florida, Toto.

I navigate the remainder of the trip cautiously, my stomach tying in knots the closer I reach my final destination. How will she be? Elated to see me following through with her demands? Heartbroken I have? I haven’t seen her in a year, I’m not sure if I will be able to read her as I once easily could. Will she look different? Will she remain timeless as my memories have preserved her to be? I slow taking the familiar left turn, driving up the lane to the house. Goosebumps break over my body. I take a deep breath and will my heart to slow.When I pull the car up to the house, the front porch greets me as an old friend. I breathe out a sigh of relief. Maybe this won’t be so horrible. I have a nasty habit of filling my head of worst case sceneries never to be satisfied until my body fills to the brim with dread. I shake my head of such depreciating thoughts and turn the ignition off. After waiting a considerable amount of time, I chastened myself at the silly notion of her meeting me outside. How ludicrous! When did she ever do anything I expected her to? Did she want me to come in? She specifically mentioned the doorstep, multiple times. Do I leave it on the welcome mat?

Is that how the chapter of our ten year marriage will end? An over sized manilla envelope carelessly laid upon the doorstep? I take a moment to consider my options before unsnapping my seat belt and hauling myself out the car, envelope in hand. I will knock three times, wait and with no answer I will have no other option than abandon it here as she requested.

Owned by her great grandparents at one time, this house was once a real beauty, full of warmth and love. The old farmhouse was built when houses were made to last generations. Slowly I step up the stairs of the rickety white chipped painted porch who indeed has seen better days. Silver wind chimes whistle with a heavy gale of wind while dead leaves spiral and scatter across the warped plank porch floor.

Knock, Knock, knock… I wait and wait…well here it goes…I set the heavy envelope down on the worn out mat which once spelled the words welcome home. I chuckle for a second time that day, home…well it is for one of us. I turn away more than ready to be in the safe contents of my car when in indescribable noise can be heard from inside the house. I stop and listen yet only silence greets me. I make for the car, faster this time, hand outstretched reaching for the handle … its then I realize, I locked the door. Foolishly I try again even after determining the lock is engaged. I peer in the window at the dangling key from the ignition gently swaying back and forth, taunting me. Hitting the car door in anger once more, I walk to the house begrudgingly. She will have to let me in, if for nothing else than to use the phone. My cell is in the car, though a lot it will do me, the service here is spotty at best. I knock on the door again, more aggressive than before. This time I want her to answer, I need her to. The stillness of the house lets me know I’m alone. She’s not here, no one is.

The same noise sounds again. Not animalistic or human…but otherworldly. That can’t be, it must be someth-…another sound cuts my inner thoughts. I try the handle, finding the door unlocked, I swing the door open. The house as suspected is empty. The warmth of the house is also missing. It is as if someone left a window open, letting the cool autumn air blow in. Immediately I search for a phone, favorably a landline. After half hazardously checking the living room and dining area, I find an old landline attached to the wall in the kitchen. Lifting the receiver to my ear I am disappointed to learn it is quiet. Not a tone, or a whisper of white noise. I check the lines are plugged in and see they are intact. I discard the useless device and storm out of the house bound for who knows where. The sound from earlier alerts me of its presence behind me, my next step dying mid-step. Quickly I turn, my eyes widening, an inescapable fear engulfing me.

A creature stands at full height, well over my 6ft frame, hair covering every inch of its body with teeth… so many teeth. Spittle drips from every tooth. A paw with claws the size of a polar bears swipes towards my face, missing me by centimeters. The action releases me from my frozen state of shock. I run full speed to the car…I try the handle again though I know it’s useless. Locked! It’s locked! I dash for the shelter of the woods. Zig -Zagging like they say if a bear is chasing you, or is it a gunman? I can’t remember .. all I can do is run. I slow to catch my breath and look around for the monster. I see and hear nothing … could it be all a mistake. A stressed induced hallucination? I chuckle at the thought of being delusional, something she always called me. If she could see me now… The breaking of twigs has me on high alert and quickly I climb a nearby tree. I pray the creature won’t see me. I pray it can’t climb…In between my numerous prayers I see the creature approach, lumbering caustically through the heavy brush. Its snout exhausts hot breath clouding the air. Its ears twitch with concentration. The deadly predator drops to all fours and runs past me. I daren’t move for what happens if it was to return? Where do I go? What should I do next? I calculate my chances of outrunning it to the house, but what then? The phone doesn’t work, my car is still locked. I formulate the what-if scenarios in my head that has up till now caused me nothing but grief in the past. The first scenario, stay put and wait till someone comes home, but then if the creature kills whoever should come home , what then? The second scenario …run to the house lock myself inside till someone comes home, but the end is akin to the first scenario leaving me with the third option. If I can run back to the car, break the window, I can make it…I could make it…

With everything in me I slowly descend the safety of the tree, ever watchful for the creature returning. My forest haven is quiet, maybe too quiet. I break into a run as soon as my feet reach land. I run so fast the cool wind causes my eyes to tear up, my limbs to ache and the reason for my oversight of a root sticking from the ground. My foot catches sending me free-falling, my face meeting the earth. In a panic I quickly attempt to run despite my ankle twisted. I nearly cry in pain and frustration. I can’t give up, I’m so close…I can see the car! I bolt forward, gritting my teeth through the sharp pains shooting up my ankle into my calf. My eyes scan the forest for the creature , blissfully I find nothing, only the sanctuary of the trees keep me company. I grab a sharp rock with both hands and haul it overhead, swiftly I swing downward hitting the driver side window. The rock cuts my hand while leaving the window intact. Blood gushes out of my palm and trickles down my forearm. I attempt the window again, this time harder, my grip slippery, the rock glistening with blood. I tighten my grip for the third swing, the rock only bounces off the glass, it remains impenetrable. A noise cracks through the quiet forest like a gun shot. I whip my head around in search for its origin. The creature seems to be nowhere and everywhere all at once. My heart kicks into overdrive, my panic palatable. Can the creature smell fear? Taste it in the air? I uselessly try all the handles of the car, bang on all the windows, whilst praying for guidance and salvation. A way out of this nightmare!

Just then tires on gravel can be heard coming from the lane. I watch in shock and devastation when I see her calmly driving , hands secured at ten and two per usual on the wheel. Her face scrunches up in a mixture of confusion and disgust. I furtively glance around awaiting the awful creature, frightened that any moment could be my last. I push her door close with both hands before she can open it, yelling a firm NO!

I run to the other side of the car and rush inside, immediately hitting the locks. Her face is one of complete shock , not that I blame her. Here I am haggard and bloody, not resembling an ounce of who I was when were married , not even who I was before coming here…

I stammer through an explanation, that to my own ears sounds preposterous. She’s cool and collected throughout my story. I instantly know she doesn’t believe me, how else could she be so calm! I watch her more closely for any emotion to flicker across her ageless face, she’s cold, remote, unattached. My fears are confirmed when all she can answer is “You never listen, I told you to leave it at the doorstep.”