Aliens of the Universe v Earth Superior Court Case #26401

           It began the way most world altering events begin, with a temporary flash of media attention followed by public boredom and indifference. Maybe if we had been a bit more interested in the proceedings occurring in a New York civil court room and a bit less on the never ending presidential election coverage, mass shootings and serial killers, our lives would have been different.

Unfortunately, politics and murder generates much higher ratings than a simple tort case. 

       After the end of World War III when the world leaders finally united against the insanity of random terrorist, we thought all threats to homeland security had been eradicated. Little did we realize how very wrong we were.

It was a clear, cool spring day in New York City when he arrived. At first, the sight of a spaceship landing in Central Park was mostly ignored by the joggers and vendors enjoying the early morning sunshine. Most thought it was a sci-fi movie being filmed, or a commercial for the new Disney attraction, but it wasn’t long before the true nature of the spacecraft and its passenger was revealed.

           The news media immediately ascended into the park like mosquitos in a swamp. All eyes and camera lenses focused on the hatch as it silently opened. The world held its collective breath as the first alien from outside of our galaxy came into view.

The world was collectively disappointed as a rather ordinary looking human male in a distinguished three piece suit walked towards the crowd. Thinking it was a hoax, the cameras and the attention of the world turned off. But, as we were to learn in the next few moments, his arrival was anything but a cosmic joke.

          With unconvincing calm Mayor Adams, flanked by several armed security guards cautiously approached the stranger. They instantly froze when he responded by putting his hand into his side jacket pocket. Guns were immediately raised, and the crowd started to hastily retreat, but it wasn’t a weapon the alien was reaching for, it was a folded, blue packet.

Taking the paper from his jacket, he spoke in perfect English, and perfect French, and perfect every other language known on earth the one sentence which would change our lives forever;

           “Take me to your lawyer.”                                                                

           Of course, being in New York City which had a per capita of attorneys second only to Los Angeles, it didn’t take any time at all before the visitor was surrounded by a swarm of gray suits. The brief was up for grabs like a Knicks - Lakers jump shot. After much grabbing and groping, it landed in the hands of six foot three Melvin Wilkins, a little known defense attorney with the public defender’s office.

He rudely pushed the crowd aside. His small, thin lips spread into a wry grin as he glanced over the legal document, reading the words with suppressed amusement. Running his fingers through his unconventionally long salt and pepper hair, he instantly assumed his legal court posture as he announced to the world, the contents of the document.

           “Ladies and Gentlemen,” he began, “Our planet is being sued,” he paused to stifle a chuckle,” for defamation and invasion of privacy by the Aliens of the Universe, and their attorney”, he paused to glare at the visitor, “Mark Greystone?”

           The crowd exploded into laughter, which was quickly silenced by the alien’s attorney who took over the microphone.

           “I assure you, my clients are not amused. We will prove that your planet has maliciously defamed the good name and reputation of many species named in this class action. My clients are seeking punitive damages for nothing less than the entire planet Earth.”

           Suddenly, the crowd was no longer laughing.

           “And, we intend to win.”

           If O.J. Simpson was the trial of the last century, Aliens of the Universe v. Earth was destined to become THE trial of the 21^st. Try as he might to have the case thrown out of court, Melvin’s motions were shot down almost as fast as he filed them.

           He first challenged Greystone’s right to even practice law in the United States, let alone on another planet, but must to his surprise, the attorney’s credentials were in perfect legal order. Since the 2008 National Unity of Bar Exam Consolidation statue had created one national bar exam for all lawyers, the alien needed only pass the bar in one state to be able to practice law anywhere in the country, or anywhere in the universe.

           With the threat of terrorism eradicated, immigration laws were relaxed allowing the alien to obtain his green card though proper channels, graduate law school and pass the bar on the very first try. He might be an alien, Melvin thought, but he was one damn smart alien. Exactly the kind of opponent Melvin loved to go up against.

           Court convened at ten a.m. Monday morning. Because of the international ramifications, the judge had decided to allow television cameras into the courtroom. Even so, it was a standing room only crowd which watched as the gavel came down on what was to soon become a bloodless battle to the death.

           Standing next to the tall, self-confident Wilkins, Greystone was already outmatched. His stature was just above five feet seven, sandy blond hair, light brown eyes with a quiet but somewhat intimidating manner . He might have been shorter than the defense attorney, but he certainly wasn’t meek as he presented his opening argument to a totally mesmerized jury.

           ““Ladies and Gentlemen. For centuries, my clients have suffered countless attacks to their persons and their reputations throughout the galaxies. Because of your movies, books, television depiction of my clients as kidnappers, murderers, and other grotesque creatures, they have been damaged to the point of unsurmountable proportions. You used their likeness without their consent time and again. The evidence and witnesses we will present will prove our case beyond any reasonable doubt.”

           “For my opening, I'll start with Exhibit A," Wilkins handed a script to the judge and Greystone. As you can see in this document, in the movie “Aliens” the crew on the spaceship from Earth abducted an innocent residence of the planet, brought in on the spaceship, and for the rest of the movie proceeded to find ways to kill it while it only wanted to go back to their planet.

Now, had this been in reverse, say if Bruce Willis had been abducted by aliens and spent the entire movie “killing” his abductors, he would have been a hero and NOT tossed out of the window into space at the end. Just because something looks a bit scary and alien to you, does not make it an evil killer.”

           Wilkins’ opening statement was a lot shorter.

           “We have many movies where aliens are portrayed as friendly,” he started.

"What about E.T, or “Close Encounters”? he sputtered.

           The alien’s attorney didn’t skip a beat.

           “Yes and some of my best friends are black, as your Earth saying goes.”

He paused for the silent response.

“A few positive portrayals are not nearly enough to alieve the pain and suffering caused by Earth’s continued defamation of alien species across the universe.

Wilkin’s rebuttal was weak at best. 

           “There can be no defamation unless it can be shown the statement was directed towards the plaintiff specifically. How can you do that when these so-called aliens are the figment of the imagination? They don’t exist, and neither does your case.”

           Applause greeted Wilkins as he sat down. He was already planning on what he was going to say on CNN when the doors to the courtroom opened, stunning everyone in attendance. Everyone, but Mark Greystone.

           To the worlds’ astonishment, a parade of what was thought to be costumed actors entered the courtroom. Aliens from the Alien movies, Independence’s Day, Mars Attacks, Roswell, the BORG, and several others took seats around the witness stand and proceeded to give testimony on how they were defamed by countess lies, innuendoes and other unfounded attacks on their persons.

Greystone brought out a DVD player and began showing the jury the evidence. Aliens took the stand, testifying how signals reached their home worlds making it impossible for them to defend themselves and costing them billions in intergalactic commerce.

           Wilkins defense was weak at best. He argued there was no way anyone could have foreseen aliens were real or that they would have been able to receive signals of any kind.

           Greystone countered by pointing out that Earth had been broadcasting into the space for decades for the intent of possibly reaching other races. If it was unreasonable to believe there was life outside our galaxy, why would they be sending signals into space? Unfortunately, no one bothered to filter out possible defamatory broadcasts, which was not only irresponsible, but as Greystone pointed out, negligent behavior on the part of Earth.

           The trial lasted exactly one weeks. Jury deliberations lasted a mere three hours. It was all the time they needed to reach their unanimous verdict; the Earth was guilty on all counts.

           As they had demanded in their law suit, every alien species named in the class action were awarded complete control of our planet and all living creatures thereon. And there wasn’t a damn thing we could do about it. Without spilling one drop of human or alien blood, they had won. In a court of law, by a jury of our peers, we lost everything.

           Melvin Wilkins was never heard from again.