Thumbs

Friday, March 11, 2022

During today’s Visit They explained their plan. They want me to visit my cousin Paul, remove his thumb, and bring it back to Them. They want me to take off Paul’s thumb. His thumb. I told them I would never do that to Paul but they seemed not to hear me. They just kept explaining how I could wrap a rubber band around it after he was asleep, and if I wrap it tight enough under the joint I could get his thumb to fall off. Why do you want his thumb, I asked Them. We need a Thumb, They said. Paul has two of them. So do you they said but so does he. 

I told Them I was going to be baptized, and then They would have to Visit someone else. I’ve never heard Them laugh before, and I’m not completely sure I did this time, but whether the pumice on slate sound was a laugh or something else I can say this: I never want to hear it again. Maybe they want Paul’s thumb because they just have a claw. I’ve never seen it or Them but I have seen its shadow. Maybe it used to be a hand and they miss their thumb. No matter their reason or what they say, I won’t help them take Paul’s thumb. I hope they don’t take mine.

Saturday, March 12, 2022

Tomorrow is God’s day. A Holy day. A Special day. 

Tomorrow I will be baptized into God’s Holy Church. Pastor Ezekiel says that when a grown man commits himself to God he can finally really call himself a man. He will have finally grown up. I don’t know about that, but what I do know is this: after God accepts me as one of His own, I won’t receive any more Visits.

Sunday, March 13, 2022

My thumb is jacked up. Also, I’m not baptized. 

I had one job. All I had to do was to NOT fall before I was submerged in the godforsaken pool and the words were said but could I pull that off? After Pastor Ezekiel finished saying the words over the sinner in front of me, I started to panic. My heart was pounding in my ears. I felt I could hear Them telling me They would never allow me to be baptized. I could feel Their breath on my neck. As I stepped forward to take my place in the pool and be cleansed, I lost my balance and fell. Could I feel Their claw on my back? Could They have pushed me, even here? I put out my hand to catch the side of the pool, and my thumb slid into the hole that on less Holy days would be a jacuzzi water jet while the rest of me landed in the pool and caused Pastor Ezekiel to be drenched with Holy Water. A few words slipped out, the content and volume of which were… reflective of the state of my soul. He was not pleased. He thought it was best for my baptism to be rescheduled for an unspecified date in the future. I tried to wiggle my thumb but couldn’t.

Later, at home, I decided to call Paul and ask him to stay with me for a few days. He said he would but I could tell he didn’t want to. I told him about the Holy Water, and my thumb, and he responded with silence. I guess I should reconsider sharing as much as I do. I didn’t tell him about the Visits.

Monday, March 14, 2022

Paul came over and brought an overnight bag and looked at my thumb. He said it just looks sprained and that it’ll feel better in a few days. I don’t have any ice packs or anything so I just shoved my whole hand in a bag of frozen meatballs.

Tuesday, March 15, 2022

Since Paul is a nurse he had to go to work all day. I stayed in bed. I tried to wiggle my thumb but it’s still too stiff. 

Wednesday, March 16, 2022

Paul made me go to get my thumb looked at by a doctor. Just like Paul said it’s just sprained. I asked the doctor why it hurt so bad and she just said take some ibuprofen.

Thursday, March 17, 2022

While Paul was at work and I was laying in bed feeling sorry for myself I had another Visit from Them. I told them I wasn’t going to help Them get Paul’s thumb and They said that was ok, They don’t want it anymore. I asked Them why but they didn’t tell me. Maybe falling in the Holy Water helped even though Pastor Ezekiel didn’t say the words.

Friday, March 18, 2022

My thumb was starting to feel better today so I decided to tell Paul about Them. About them wanting a thumb. I didn’t tell him They wanted his thumb. He didn’t say very much but did say I should talk to a therapist, which I didn’t appreciate. He doesn’t think They are real. If he had a Visit from Them he wouldn’t want to see a therapist he would want to be baptized. I asked him to come to Church with me to talk to Pastor Ezekiel about it and he just looked at me and walked away.

Saturday, March 19, 2022

Tomorrow is God’s day. I’m going to talk to Pastor Ezekiel about Them and about Paul not believing me. Maybe he can give me some advice.

Sunday, March 20, 2022

God’s goddamn Day. I went to Church today without Paul. My thumb was throbbing but I didn’t have any more meatballs so I just took some ibuprofen. I can wiggle it a little bit and the swelling is down. After the service I asked Pastor Ezekiel if we could talk. I told him about Their Visits and about the thumbs. I asked him what the Visits meant. He was quiet for a long time and then said he didn’t know but he would help me find a therapist which I didn’t appreciate. He sounded just like Paul, and Paul doesn’t understand Them or the Visits at all. I told him I didn’t need a therapist I just needed to be baptized and then God would stop Them from Visiting.

I asked him about getting baptized, and he said we should just wait and see what happens. I asked what that meant but he didn’t answer. Pastor Ezekiel said maybe I shouldn’t come back to Church for a while but that he would call and check on me. I told him he couldn’t kick me out of Church only God could do that, but he did anyway. When I got home Paul said my thumb looked worse and gave me some medicine for my pain. It didn’t hurt very much but he was being nice to me so I took it anyway. I’m going to take a nap but when I wake up I’m going to start looking for a new Church so I can get baptized.

Wednesday, March 23, 2022

When I woke up this morning Paul told me it was Wednesday. Apparently I’ve had a fever and have been sleeping since I got home from Church on Sunday. He just kept staring at me with a faintly disgusted twist to his lips. I thought he was being weird until I looked down at my thumb and saw it was all wet. I couldn’t figure out why it was wet, but then I realized it was wet because pus was seeping out through the gauze. I thought pus was supposed to be clear or white or something but this was kinda green. The gauze was so tight around the base of my thumb that it was cutting off the blood flow and it looked a little purple so I cut it off. That made it hurt and throb a lot more so I wrapped it again but not as tight. Paul said I didn’t wrap it tightly enough and I looked at him to see if he was making a joke but he wasn’t smiling. 

Thursday, March 24, 2022

Pastor Ezekiel called today to check on me after what happened at the Church. I asked him if I could borrow his thumb and he hung up on me. I must be delirious. 

Friday, March 25, 2022

Paul left last night. He must have packed his bag while I was in the shower so he could leave quietly without waking me up. I knew my weeping was fraying his last nerve, but I think the sight of my thumb next to his food today was probably the last straw. He told me during breakfast that my thumb reminded him of a wet, cat litter covered turd. He looked at his own thumb. So did I.

Saturday, March 26, 2022

Tomorrow is God’s Day. Maybe I’ll get a miracle and my thumb will stop oozing pus that looks like cloudy lemon juice. I’m out of gauze but it’s just as well, the smell of the old gauze is worse than the fresh pus. As long as I hold my hand out the window I can manage to keep my food down.

I called Paul and asked him what I should do since he’s a nurse. He said I should wrap something around the base of my thumb to block the infection from spreading. I asked what kind of thing since I’m out of gauze and he said something that I could make tight like a rubber band. That didn’t sound like a great idea but I decided to try it because he insisted. 

Sunday, March 27, 2022

The pus has dried, and my thumb seems dried up too. It definitely has a purple tinge on the tip but at least no more pus. The other good news is that the pain stopped right after lunch. It looks like Paul was right and maybe I got my miracle. God’s goddamn Day!

Monday, March 28, 2022

My thumb is now fully purple, and the nail is starting to turn black. Still no pain and no pus. This isn’t good.

Tuesday, March 29, 2022

Today, my thumb fell off. While it was on the floor, They came and took it. My hand looks like a claw now (or at least its shadow does). I tried to call Paul but he didn’t answer.

Paul has nice thumbs. I think I’ll pay him a Visit.