The Migration Pattern of Chinchillas

Contains mild swearing. “Well, it’s the chinchilla I feel sorry for.” Marti said to Sal as they pulled the tables and chairs onto the pavement outside the cafe. It was a lovely sunny day and Marti knew they’d soon be too busy with customers to chat much. They’d worked together for years and could set up for the day blindfolded without bumping into each other. Quickly and efficiently they set out the ashtrays and menus, the cruets and the coasters.

“Nevermind the bloody chinchilla” said Sal, “What about the kids? What do your George and Lacey have to say about it?”

“It’s okay for George, he’s still too young really to notice much. He’s just lapping up a bit of extra fuss and Lacey’s more concerned about her friends and uploading selfies. She’s way too cool to tell her Nana much but, well, you know… It’s difficult at that age.”

Sal nodded sagely, she did indeed know only too well the difficulties of dealing with teenage girls. “Is Lynsey coping?” she asks as she sets out the cutlery.

“ She is and then again she’s not. You know how it goes: some days are up and some days are down.” Marti replies, pausing as she folds the paper napkins. “I think… well perhaps best not to say too much on what I think, but you know how it is. It’s not just our Lacey that’s at a difficult age. If you catch my meaning.”

“I do indeed, been there, done that and got the T-shirt as they say”

“Oh yeah, I forgot you went through this too. How did you cope with it? With, well you know, all the changes.”

“I coped and then again at times I didn’t. It was easier for us: no kids and no chinchilla!”

“Oh Christ yeah, what are we going to do with that sodding chinchilla?”

“No idea but you’d better come up with a plan soon the clock’s ticking.”

The first customers drift in and the breakfast service begins in earnest. Marti and Sal are soon jotting down orders, serving hungry customers and then quickly clearing the tables after they leave. It’s past eleven before they get a lull in trade and can grab themselves a quick cuppa and a five minute sit down.

“I’ve got to get some new shoes. These are no good the soles are nearly worn through.” Marti complains as she takes off the offending items so she can rub her aching toes. “Talking of shoes… Did you see those sky high heels that woman was wearing earlier?”

“The red ones?”

“Yeah those ones. You know what they say about wearing red shoes don’t you?”

“Yeah, the same as they say about them as wear fur coats.”

“All fur coat and no knickers.” They chorus together and laugh.

“Talking of fur coats. Well… it’s a thought for the chinchilla.”

“Don’t even joke about it. The kids would be devastated! They’d never forgive us. Besides there’s not enough of it to make a mirkin let alone a coat!”

“What’s a mirkin?”

“You know it’s wig for your…” Marti pauses pondering how to best explain. “You know, your…” Marti makes a vague downwards gesture and Sal’s eyes light up as the penny drops and she gets the reference. “Oh, you mean your… but hey, how big’s yours if a chinchilla can’t cover it?”

“Excuse me, I’ll have you know it’s a very small chinchilla! Maybe it could just about cover a nice 1990’s style you know what but, well put it this way, there’s not enough of it to be an illustration in The Joy of Sex.” they both cackle and drink their tea.

“Hey, did you notice that she was in again?”

“Which she? You mean the one with the you know what?”

“Yes, bold as brass that one”

“But you’d never know would you? I mean if you didn’t know know you’d be clueless wouldn’t you?”

“True but lets face it’d be a hell of surprise when you did find out.”

“Well, I say good on her. I think she looks great. I could do with a bit of that myself. ”

“Couldn’t we all.”

Marti, puts her feet back in her shoes with a grimace and they both clear their cups and brace themselves for the lunch service. After lunch, Marti’s daughter Lynsey walks in looking tired and stressed.

Sal takes one look at her and says “Bless you love, go on through to the back. Tell you’re mam I’m fine finishing up out here if she wants to take her break.”

“Thanks Aunty Sal.” Sal can see that Lynsey is close to tearing up and as she passes by on her way through she gives her arm an affection pat. “It’ll all work out love.” she says, “You’ll see. It did for us. I know, I know, different times, different people, different places but well… you know… A bit of upheaval and then everyone’s settled and happy again.” “I know Aunty Sal.” replies Lynsey and her bottom lip starts to quiver as she says “but the chinchilla…” Lynsey rushes into the back room of the cafe where the safe harbour that is mam is waiting to comfort her.

“Come on now lovey, that’s enough tears. Time to put on your big girl pants and face some facts.” Marti says with kindness. She loves that her grown up “little girl” still turns to her for comfort and as she hugs her tight and tells her everything will be just fine she remembers the little girl she used to hold. The one that was all pigtails and freckles crying over scuffed knees and later on sobbing melodramatically over feckless boys who broke her teenage heart. She hands her a tissue for her tears and asks “Have you spoken to James, has a date been set for… well for…” Marti’s sentence hangs unfinished and she thinks to herself “Christ, I can’t even say it. If I can’t bring myself to say it how’s she ever going to do it?”

“No mam, it’s not just that it’s also…” Fresh tears form and fall as Lynsey struggles to find the words. “Oh good God what else?” Marti is practically vibrating with anxiety as she senses there’s more drama to be revealed.

“Don’t over-react mam, its just that you know how I’m approaching that certain time of life?”

“Yes, love we’re all well aware of that.”

“Mam!” Lynsey exclaims “I need support not criticism.”

“Sorry lovey I didn’t mean it that way I just meant, well… you know. Anyway what is it, what were you going to say?”

“I’m late.”

“For what? You can’t just come in here in tears and tell me there’s more problems and then just rush off somewhere else.”

“No, I’m late late.”

“You’re late late??”

“Yes mam I’m late late.”

“Oh bloody hell.”

“Yes mam, bloody hell indeed.”

“How late late are you?”

“Five months. I thought it was just because of my age but it turns out Mother Nature has one last surprise in store for me.”

“Will it change anything? Will you, you know… carry on with plans?”

“Yes, nothing’s changed and we can’t go backwards now. Too much as been done already and we’ve spent a fortune, you know that.”

“I do, you’re right. Then we’ll just have to adjust things to fit the new circumstances. It’ll be fine. We’ll all make it work. Everything will be just perfect.”

“But mam what will we do with the chinchilla?”

“Oh, for god’s sake! I’d forgotten about the bloody chinchilla!”