Fear Is The Tax That Conscience Pays To Guilt

Tires skidding rapidly down the rough terrain, the rain making the car move faster downhill than it usually would during a normal day. The sand, the mud hitting the car on the sides of the crumpled doors and cracked windows created loud thumps and even more cracks than there already was. The rocks, the car drove over made the descent go even faster but at the same time slower, with large bumps that shook the whole car, flattening a tire, leaving no wheels behind of the now tumbling vehicle, since the other wheel had already come off in the first hit.

The back of the vehicle soon started scraping on the dusty ground, it dragged itself downwards this time slowing down the car, but making it shakier, while the driver and the people in the now, not so stealthy Cadillac tumble from left to right inside the broken interior. The car now gradually going sideways bumps into thorns from the barks of trees with huge crashes, creating a loud bang causing that once beautiful, glossy black Cadillac to turn from side to side with giant scratches tearing through the steel. More blood smearing all over the car every time it hits something, while almost rolling down the hill which was filled with all sorts of greenery that could snap the extremely dented vehicle into two.

When, after a few seconds it finally lands on even ground and starts spinning uncontrollably, their vision becoming more blurry as the car goes faster and faster, the sparks coming from the back of the car hitting the hard gravel made a loud screeching noise, like a devils scream of agony or revenge.

Just as it is about to stop it hits a tree, making the mossy bark of it to fall on them. The remaining wheels left on the car, trying to reverse building up tension to get out of being crushed, and when the tree finally lets go, the buildup of speed on the wheels caused it to hit another, this time way larger, tree so big it was like they went into a brick wall. Sending the car almost flying like a sparrow who lost its wings. Now trying to gain balance on its 2 wheels shakily like a circus performer, the car falls upside down with a loud crash…

A small fire then starts, grows a little more creating a small luminous light in the middle of pure darkness, and got shut down by the rain. Emitting dark grey smoke that covered the dark blue sky and the shimmering stars above their lifeless bodies. Debris covered the entire road, pieces of metal, tiny parts of broken glass, all with a splash of blood.

Thick dark blood slowly oozed from the car, staining the torn, white leather seats and interior. All of them were dead, with eyes wide open, bleeding from their heads and stomach where one of them got stabbed by a sharp piece of the car. Not a single noise is made, not a single living soul, not a single person was there to witness the tragedy and call the police to at least give them a proper burial.

People don’t often use that road. For days, they were left like that, upside down, bleeding, surrounded by broken glass, pieces of metal, the salt from the tears they shed dried up on their face, their neck and head bending and resting on the ground while their body is suspended in the air by their seatbelts. Until they could rest in peace under the rich soil of a graveyard next to each other, with their names carved on a stone with the words ‘’In Memory Of…’’ written over those names. Maybe flowers every now and then, the rain keeping them fresh and reminding their soulless bodies of the night they lost their lives.

-

7 years later:

It was a beautiful evening, the skies turning a bright pink, with the sunlight shining through some of the clouds like a beam of light. The shops have turned on their flashy lights for the night and are setting up their evening specials, or 6pm discount sales.

‘’Jason! It’s getting late, get in the car! My meeting is 3 hours away!’’

‘’Yeah, Yeah I’m coming dad!’’ mumbled Jason while leisurely walking out of the store distracted by the sweet bubbly taste of his newly bought soda, and with his other hand casually tossing a coin to a homeless man sitting at the entrance of the Quickmart.

-

As he was crossing the road to the car, he had a phone to his ear.

‘’Jason, it’s a family business. Just go for the meeting okay? You might like it. Don’t complain to your dad, you know he will get upset.’’

‘’Ok mum, can you tell Alex that I will come back home next week… I think I forgot to tell him. So would you please invite him for Thanksgiving? You know about his parents, don’t you?

‘’Alex? Which Alex?’’ His mum replied jokingly, hoping it would lighten the mood.

‘’Mum! My boyfriennnnd…’’ He said all shy and blushing with a wide grin.

However, as for the business, he knew he was not going to like it. But mum was right, his father would start an argument

-

Meanwhile his dad, sitting the car sweating, even though the air conditioner is on. He was jittery, shaky… scared. About what?

Jason could see his father’s nervousness, he didn’t know why he was so subtly frantic but he knew it was not because of the meeting, he could do them in his sleep. But it would only make his father even more nervous to ask him.

He ignored it, figured it would eventually go away.

-

Jason was not to say muscular, but neither was he a stick. He is kind of in between. He is not popular but neither was he bullied. He had short, silky brown hair and blue eyes that goes deeper than any of the 7 seas. He was tall, and had a small chain his father bought for him when he was 12, he never took it off.

Jason’s father was more of the careless type, he only cares about his family. Why should he care about others? To him he is not minding other people’s business, just his own.

-

After an hour or so of the sound of the engine and wheels driving while they smoothly glide through the flat straight road, a single drop of water falls on the windshield, followed by another. The noise of the rain dropping on the car slowly accumulates. Soon it starts heavily raining, Jason winds down his window, letting the small drops of rain that manage to enter through his slanted opening wet his arm, as the smell of the rain filled the car. 

-

The stunning Mercedes slowly pulls up to a gas station. Not many people were there, mainly because the road they were on was in the middle of nowhere. They were the only car for miles.

‘’Jason, do you see the black Cadillac?’’

‘’No… But I guess we are not the only ones here. Do you want anything from the shop?’’

‘’No? I must be seeing things then. Get me a cigarette pack and a bottle of beer.’’ He replied.

Jason gave his dad a bored look as he got out of the car, he knew his father would say that.

He listened to the sound of the rain dripping from the roof of the station as he slowly walked over to the shop and back humming a tune he and his father used to listen to. He tried calling his boyfriend but there was no connection. So conversation with dad it is!

He plops down on his chair with a sigh and another soda in hand as he passes the cigarette and beer to his father.

He leans back on the cold leather seat and tells his father, while he had the courage to: ‘’Dad, I don’t want to own your business. I don’t want that. I want to have my own job, something I want to do, something I actually like doing.’’

His father’s face slowly turns red with anger. ‘’What are you talking about?! You don’t want to lead a multi-million dollar company that I am willing to give you?! Don’t you think I have shown you enough love, given you food, money, a house?! You are going to work there whether you actually like it or not, and that is final! I don’t care what you want to do, because this family business is important.’’

Louder than his father Jason yells ‘’More important than me?!’’

‘’YES!’’

The car goes silent. After a few seconds, with a trembling voice Jason quietly says ‘’Ok, I will, I will work in the business…’’

‘’Jason. Jason! I didn’t mean it.’’

Jason remains silent, his eyes more watery than the rain outside.

‘’Jason you know I didn’t mean it, god damnit!’’

-

Another few hours pass by, and they go through a rural area where they stop by a restaurant. The sky getting darker, the rain still heavy. Jason sat in the car with his head on the steering wheel, motionless.

His father looked at him through the window with a sorrow look on his face and slowly walked inside the restaurant. As he entered the warm restaurant leaving the cold rainy air behind, his thoughts circled through his mind like a toy train, on a never ending loop. 

He thought about his son. He thought about this road. He thought about this very day. He sat on a table, putting his hands on his head. He didn’t know what to do.

He soon saw a waitress always passing by him, simply glaring. She looked familiar. He called her over and both at the same time say ‘’May I help you?’’

‘’Why are you looking at me?’’ He started.

‘’Would you like to order sir?’’

‘’Do I know you?’’

‘’Would you like your order sir?’’

With an annoyed sigh he said ‘’A beer.’’

Quite literally, a second after he said so, she slammed a big mug of beer foaming and spilling on the table, the bubbles going upwards and popping.

He looks down at the clear golden beer on the table in shock. He slowly looked back up at her… His eyes widened, his jaw dropped, the fear in his eyes became obvious. He began to sweat… He now remembered where he saw her…

She had long black hair, a white dress, blood all over her head, shoulders and a piece of steel through her thin stomach. He could nearly see her guts, her eyes nearly popping out and her head oddly shaped, as if crushed, from the smash perhaps.

‘’Remember me?’’ She started, her voice growing louder the more she spoke. ‘’7 years ago, that’s a long time… I was waiting for you to pass this road again. Oh you don’t remember? The hit and run. You can’t forget.’’ Her voice cracking as she lightly sobs and continues ‘’my kids… you killed them… My husband… he’s gone… I saw them dead.’’ Now her voice gaining more fury. ‘’I bet you were shocked when you saw the news the next week huh? No one found us until then… we were there lifeless FOR A WEEK!! That is why you are going to pay.’’ Still holding his throat with her hands which were covered in dried blood.

His eyes darted from left to right around the restaurant, he was suddenly the only one there. With a restricted sigh, hesitantly he said ‘’Kill me… I have been living with the guilt of killing a family and running, for all these years. Kill me…’’

‘’Did you think it was going to be that easy? You will pay, I will take what you love most! You must live with that guilt, that pain!’’

His eyes widened even more, he whispered in fear and realization ‘’Jason…’’ This time louder he shouted ‘’JASON!’’

Black… everything went black.

-

He woke up in his car… with Jason.

‘’What happened?’’ He said trying hard not to look panicked.

‘’What do you mean? You fell asleep.’’

He wanted to be relieved, but he couldn’t. He was scared, rightfully so. It was just his guilt haunting him. He never went back there since that day, he could never forgive himself, but he had to, because he had a 12 year old son and a wife that time. It was just a dream, but he didn’t know that. Sweat dripping from his face, his teeth shuddering.

Mind games, feelings… hallucinations.

He felt the thick forests closing in on him, left and right. Closer and closer. His breathing grew heavier. It was so silent he felt sick. There was a melancholy feeling that night, and with the rain, that did not make him feel better.

 Jason interrupted his father’s thoughts and feelings with a concerned face and a voice that you could hear, had doubt ‘’I’m sorry… I know you are making me do this for my good. I know that you have already given me everything I needed. I know you love me, I know you didn’t mean that…’’ He paused, his head still turned to the back seat to look at his father ‘’I will go to business, I will work there, just like you want.’’

Perhaps Jason thought the reason his father was worried was because of the whole business dilemma.

It distracted his father enough to crack a smile on his sweaty face. His eyes teary. He saw Jason at the restaurant, in the car. How devastated he was his father reacted that way.

Jason knew, he would react that way, but it still hurt and his father saw that. Just as He was about to tell him that he could work anywhere he wanted to-

-

He was interrupted by an abrupt phone call. Jason’s boyfriend called him.

‘’Jason! There is a woman at my house… she’s all- all bloody and… she looks dead!’’

‘’What are you talking about? Alex?! Can you hear me? Where are you?’’ He mumbled under his breath ‘’How is there connection?’’

All he could hear as a reply was Alex’s heavy breathing… and shriek.

‘’Shit! Alex! Dad call 911!’’

His dad couldn’t he was shaking, again.

‘’Stay on the phone, get a knife and hide somewhere!’’

Alex couldn’t call anyone else, his family disowned when he came out as gay. The only person there for him was Jason, not even his sister who was his closest friend.

-

Before Alex had a chance to reply, Jason saw light come from the front of the car, he looks forward to see 2 headlights and a speeding black Cadillac heading right towards them…

Followed by a thunderous crash.

-

The black Cadillac was gone, their grey Mercedes was upside down, all the lights broken or flickering. The wheels still turning.

After a few seconds of struggles Jason’s father crawled out bleeding from his head, laid on the ground, looking at the night sky covered by the smoke from the car. Getting wet in the heavy rain. Broken glass and debris. Thick dark blood oozed from the car.

It struck his mind ‘’Jason?!’’ As he was making his way to the car clutching his chest. On the door of the car, written in blood: ‘’this looks familiar… Don’t be on the phone while you are driving…’’

He rushed over to the other side of the car… There he was, Jason. Eyes wide open, skin cold and pale, and a single tear drop leaked out of his eye. His eye that was once so blue, that it looked deeper than the 7 seas’ are now a murky light blue with red where the white was supposed to be.

His father fell to his knees, screaming in fear, in pain… Tears flowing, camouflaging with the rain falling on his face. He sat on the ground and lifted Jason’s head, gently putting it on his lap as he put his head against Jason’s chest, sobbing. His heartbeat stopped, it stopped the moment the car flung upside down.

Wailing in between words he said ‘’I was going to let you… let you be whoever you want. You don’t have- to work in the business anymore… I’m sorry…’’

He just sat there, with Jason still on his lap… both of them getting drenched. Water dripping from their hair, their shirts… Their eyes…

-

In the car a muffled, distorted voice came, the phone didn’t break, he was still on the call…

‘’Jason?’’ A whimpering voice came out. ‘’She left, where are you?’’