Woof

There once was a dog named Woof and he was for sale in a pet store. This was back in the age when they had pet stores. So, one day a young girl named, Sue, came in with her parents since she was lonely and wanted a friend. Life can get lonely at night when there's no one warm to snuggle with. So, she met woof and woof met her and they were happy to see each other and her parents agreed to get Sue, Wolf for her birthday, and at first they were all happy about this. Then, though, Sue and woof had some miscommunications, like any couple does. Sue was good and walked Woof fourtimes a day and made sure her had enough food and waer, but she didn't recognise Woof as a seperate entity. Woof was hers and hers alone. So, when Sue wanted to have a tea party and Woof wanted to sniff around her bed, Sally would move woof and dress him up in a tutu and a clown hat and force him to drink tea with Sue and find out what was going on. When Sue was studying for her math exam and Woof wanted to take a nap, Sue woke Woof up and made Woof be there for her homework.  Sue felt she could be Sue, but Woof didn't feel like he could be Woof, unless he was Sue's woof. 

           Then, one day, Sue was in the library and Woof was with her, (where else would he be?) and Sue came across a book of Spanish spells. Sue didn't know Spanish, but she could pronounce the words. Think about how many people who are Jewish can read Hebrew but have no idea what they're saying. It was like that. Sue read a random spell to Woof, her best one way friend and the spell was: “Ni una mutra mas, ni una mutra menos en Chihuahua” and then Sue felt a tingling sensation in her feet. It began going up her legs and in her private area, and then her stomach, and then through the rest of her body. Then, she felt something like a bolt of lightning go through her and then it stopped, but she looked around her and everything was different.  The grass was taller, the house was huge. Then, she saw herself, but she was also huge. Not fat, but huge. Perplexed, she looked down at her feet and saw paws, Woof's pause.  But, wait a minute, if I'm Woof, then who's inside . . . She saw herself grin, then go inside to take a nap on her bed, so I had to follow. I mean, it is my bed. 

           Then,with a smile on her face she grabbed me and said, “Now, maybe you'll see what it's like to bee on the other end of the spectrum. You son-of-a-bitch. Then, I grabbed me a hugged me hard and I could feel my ribs compressing. Its hard to breathe. I feel her grib or my grip lesson as she falls asleep. I slip out of her arms and for some reason roll up into a ball. It feels warm and safe. I feel like I'll be fine, unless I wake up. I finally fall asleep and Sue wakes me up. She says it's time to go for our walk. She takes out the leash and attaches it to my collar. Ok, I'll go potty outside. That'll be fun. So, I take me outside, but I'm pulling me hard. I seem to enjoy the scent of things like grass, flowers, other dog's markings, even garbage, weird. I can't enjoy any of these smells, though, since I keep pulling me and telling me to go potty. I go potty just so I can stop being pulled and then I'm pulled back inside. The leash comes off and I can breathe. Ahh. I give me a treat after going the normal tricks and there's an evil grimice in my eyes. 

           Then, I go with me into the bathroom and I go to the bathroom. Why would I need to be with me when I go to the bathroom? Doesn't make sense. Then, I flush and wash my hands and bring me to the computer where I blurt off a lot of numbers, which, for some reason, no longer make sense to me. Wait, have I metamorphasized completely? No, then my thoughts would be 'bark, bark'. I never was good at math anyway. 

           So, I talk to my parents. Boring bullshit small talk. How was school? How was work? None of it's true. Then, my parents come up to me and ask how my day was. But, I can't speak, or can I? I try to jump on the computer chair, but can't quite manage it. Then, one of my parents looks puzzled, shrugs, and puts me on the computer chair and I try typing. I want to type that I'm Sue, not Woof, and Woof's being an asshole to me, but paws are harder to work than hands. So, I wind up typing kafjljfa, which doesn't mean anything. Sue picks me up again and tells me I'm crazy. Crazy Dog. I shake my head left to right to let them know I'm not crazy, I'm Sue. Sue's woof and Woof's sue. Then, I ask to be let out and the mother walks me. Thank God. While walking, I see a sand box, so I pull towards it and the mother let's me go in and I paw, “Ni una mutra mas, ni una mutra menos en Chihuahua”. The mother looks puzzled, but reads in slowly and then, a tingling sensation starts going through my feet. Thank you, God. I'm going to be Sue again. My tail is wagging. But, something else happens. I wind up swithing souls with the father. Why the father? The father wasn't walking me. The father didn't say the spell. But, I'm in the house having a conversation with Sue and as I feel my face, there's hair on it. I'm the father now. But, who's woof then and is Woof still me? So, I ask him: “Woof. This is Sue. I know you're in there you son-of-a-bitch and now Dad's in your body and I'm in his. Sue laughs. “What're you talking about, Dad? I'm Sue, not woof.” My mom comes back in with Woof and everything seems normal, but I know the truth: I'm Sue in Dad's body, Dad's in Woof's body, and Woof's in my (Sue's) body. That's the truth and I'm sticking to it. That's the truth. Stupid spell.