The Indescribable Joy of New Love

** This story hints at some mature themes that may not be suitable for 17 and under **

Bryan’s arms wrap around me in the tightest of embraces and I feel as though I am finally home. The adrenaline his presence gives me is something I have never felt before in any previous relationship. He is loving and just so attentive to my needs … all of my needs. He reads my body language and responds in the most sensual of manners – folding his body into the very shape that exactly fits mine. I allow myself to breathe in his scent and enjoy this moment for a second longer.

“I really should be getting back,” he whispers. We are on my back deck – there is no way that my children sleeping in their rooms upstairs can hear us, but he has always been so careful not to wake them. I haven’t been ready yet to introduce them to the new man in my life, especially when they already know him as the fun guy from across the street who used to hang out with their dad. Fortunately I never married their father, but that didn’t change anything in their minds when I told him to leave. They never saw who he was behind closed doors. They couldn’t imagine the things that he said to me when they weren’t around.

“Just a little longer, B,” I coax. “The kids are asleep – they don’t know we're out here.”

The houses in this neighborhood are spaced far enough apart that the two neighbors on either side cannot see us from any window and my backyard abuts a state forest. In the dead of night, there is total privacy. I feel so free. I forget my responsibilities. I forget my troubles with my kid’s father. I let myself calm in his presence and feel the excitement of our new love. I have the most content sense rolling over me in this moment – the way he holds me here in his arms, I have an overwhelming peace about our decision to pursue this relationship.

– – – – – – 

The two of us met when I was still in a relationship with the father of my children, Kenny. Kenny and I would have him over for Sunday afternoon football every few weeks. The two guys got along great and struck up a playful friendship. At that time, I only had eyes for Kenny and I truly thought that we would be together forever. 

When I told Kenny I was pregnant with our son after only a year of us dating, Kenny really stepped up – using his savings to buy this beautiful home for us and giving us a stable income to provide for our son so that I didn’t have to work full-time as a new mom. But ultimately, Kenny and I fell into the rut that so many couples fall into – caring for the children and having no time for ourselves. We fought more and more when we were alone until we finally moved into separate bedrooms, single for all intents and purposes when we were not in front of the children or any of our friends. 

Appearances can only be kept up for so long. Kenny started showing violent tendencies toward me and I felt as if my life and children were in danger. One night after a particularly awful fight, I called the police and miraculously, they took my side instead of his. I was able to get him removed from our home, but of course he will never be out of our lives forever. Bryan stopped over when he saw the flashing lights move away from the house – he certainly did not expect the news that I gave him: that his friend had been abusive to me. In that instant, he swore he would never talk to Kenny again and apologized for not seeing it sooner. He gave me a long non-romantic hug and told me that whatever I needed he would be there for me.

How did I get so lucky? I have never had so much support from anyone – not even my parents, back when they still talked to me. No one has ever been able to wrap me in their arms like he does and make me feel as though everything actually will be okay.

– – – – – – 

Bryan says he needs to go back home, but I just want him to stay here with me. I want to take him up into my bedroom, strip off my clothes, and show him just how much I appreciate all of his love and support for me. My yard is private, though. Why not?

“You can’t leave yet, B. I haven’t shown you my gratitude for all of your support yet!” I run my hands down the center of his chest and rest them on the waistline of his pants. I feel him shiver in the crisp night air but he doesn’t stop me or insist he needs to get home anymore. He doesn’t force me or hold my head down as I sink down onto my knees and lower his straining pants. The fact that I did not have to do anything special to get him here has, in effect, made my ego toss her hair over her shoulder and smile. I lower my head down and glance up at him – he meets my eyes and my heart melts.

– – – – – –

We lie in the soft grass behind my house for what feels like hours. His hands trace circles on my back, giving me goosebumps all over my body. God, this feels so right to me.

Suddenly, I feel him shift and I know that it is time to say goodnight. This can’t be over so soon! We still have hours until my children awaken. Why can’t we just enjoy this night a little longer?

“She’ll be looking for me,” he whispers. This makes me cringe because when we are together it is so easy to forget about all the trouble that we could be facing. “I can’t stay out all night.”

These words are a knife to my heart. Every time he leaves and goes back home to his wife I want to scream across the street that he is MINE and that he feels right to ME and this place has never felt like home until he stepped inside of it. My entire chest throbs as I think of him entering that house and lying down next to that woman who doesn’t appreciate him like I do and will never give him the same pleasure that I can.

“Stay,” I plead. “Stay.”

But he leaves, just like he always leaves.

I’ll find a way to get him to leave her. Just like I did with Kenny.