Do You like Cats?

Do you like cats?

   I just lost my mother to cancer this past September, and my father in May two years ago to a heart attack. I then lost my husband Dante a month after my mother's passing to my best friend! I found them together when I followed him to work after I saw a message from her to him in his phone with just the letters "LUB" which stands for love you babe, I found that out through Google. He must've missed that one, because I knew he'd erased all the others between them! But I had to see for myself! I told no one and I acted as if I wasn't aware of anything. Instead of going to work that morning they met a hotel outside of our city, and I watched from across the street as they both went in! I called him twice just to see if he'd answer, he didn't, it went straight to voicemail! I left him a loving message about how much I love him and options for dinner that night! I also called her and of course her phone also went to voicemail but I didn't leave a message!  

   He comes home that evening as if nothing had happened, I waited for him at the kitchen table. I had a bottle of wine with me that I'd been drinking on and my phone on pause! I'd recorded video of he and Miranda walking into the hotel together. I wanted to see his face when he first sees himself , knowing he'd been caught red handed! To my surprise his shocked look was only for a moment and shock turned into relief! The pleasure I got from confronting the lowlife quickly turned to hurt and pain with what happened next!  He looked me straight in my eyes and apologized for me having to find out this way and that neither of them meant to hurt me but it wasn't just a fling! … He said that he is in love with Miranda!... My best friend! He continued to ramble with explanations but it was like I slipped into a mind numbing trance! I pictured he and Miranda together in that hotel room and I almost threw up right there! I ran out of the kitchen , grabbed my keys and purse, got in my car and drove away! The last thing I wanted to do was be in a conversation with him anymore, I never wanted to hear his voice again! I felt no desire to confront Miranda, I just never wanted to hear her voice or see her face again either!

   I drove to the park located near my house and sat in the car gazing at the leaves on the ground being tossed around by the wind creating a small tornado. I felt just like those leaves, light as a feather with absolutely no control over what was happening to me or where I would land, or if I'd ever be on solid ground again! When out of nowhere the simplest question found its way to the parking lot of my mind, " Do you like cats?" … "What?"... What a ridiculous question to think of in such a time as this! … Why is that even crossing my mind?

   By this time my phone is buzzing constantly, its Dante and then its Miranda! The thought of hearing their voices made my stomach churn in knots, making my saliva thick in my mouth, I really had to focus not to throw up for real this time! I already knew what they would say, how sorry they are and how much they love me! I couldn't the thought of listening to another lie from the two worst human being in the world! I realized then that I'm not able to process all of this loss! Maybe this is what it feels like to lose your mind! A numbness of the brain and all feelings and emotions suddenly going away at once and you just feel the nothing!  Your whole life feels like an ambiguous dream! Reality grabs you by the shoulders and shakes you violently, screaming!... " Waaaaake UUUppp!!"... But you can't and the screams sound like echoes in a cave that just bounce off of the walls in your brain!

   I cut off my phone completely and thought about the ridiculous question again. " Do you like cats?"...I actually do, my mother had one Ms. Kitty! She was a very prissy calico, she had an all pink bell collar, she only came when my mother called her name! My father and I didn't care a lot for her but I was sometimes jealous of their devotion to one another. In the rare occasions that Ms. Kitty would let me hold her, I felt peace and a connection that she and my mother must've shared all the time.  I thought to myself, "I need that in my life, perfect devotion from something, not a someone, not a someone ever again!" For a moment I also had a space of relief when I remembered that no child would have to suffer through this mental breakdown I was having with me!

   Dante and I decided to wait for five years before having children. Before we were married Dante brought up the subject of us waiting at least five years before starting a family, we both agreed.  I wasn't in any hurry to start a family either, I'd just started my own publishing company, which turned out to be way more challenging than I'd ever imagined. He and his best friend opened up an auto repair shop three years ago and were doing pretty well! My parents of course thought that five years was way too long to wait to start a family but they respected our decision. Dante and I tried to include them as much as we could in whatever we were doing out of guilt for not giving them grandchildren. Considering recent events I'm torn that neither of them got to see their grandchildren but they also didn't live to see their only daughter humiliated by her husband whom they loved like a their own son and best friend that I grew up with!

   I left our home the day he told me that he was in love with Miranda and wanted to be with her.  I only came back when I knew he was at the garage to get my things! I chose A hotel outside of our city and I worked from there! One day I went home to get the rest of my things and discovered that Dante had the locks changed! He sent me a text right after I pulled out of the driveway saying that he knew I'd been coming to the house while he wasn't there, and that he'd only done it so I would have to speak to him if I wanted the rest of my stuff! I opted out and decided to buy new things! I knew I'd have to speak to him eventually, I just decided that things were going to be on my terms from now on!

   Two months have passed since then and its one day before Thanksgiving! By now my family on both my mother and father's side know that Dante and I aren't together. I called my two aunts so that they wouldn't worry and they in turn told everyone else who mattered. I asked them to please give me some time alone and not to tell Dante where I was. Thankfully they understood and have honored my wishes! I moved into a small studio apartment already furnished and threw myself into my work! I hired an assistant and traveled to get away spots that I'd searched out on the internet! I decided to also opt out of joining the families for Thanksgiving! I didn't want to endure the sad pitiful looks of the women " Blessing my heart" every time they looked at me or the men of my family telling me that if I just say the word they'd beat Dante within an inch of his life and throw him into the woods never to be seen again! I have to admit, I thought about doing that very thing to Monique more than once or twice!

   I wanted to continue my journey of relaxation and contemplation alone, well not all alone! The silly question that came at the most strangest of times turned out to be just what I needed. " Do you like cats?" I went and rescued a male American Bob tale and named Mr. Kitty! Thanksgiving was the best I'd ever had! I spoke to my family over video chat introduced them to Mr. Kitty made a small dinner for the two of us and watched movies. I still had issues that require my attention soon, but not right now! This is my first holiday season that I'm going to do exactly what I want to do!