Too broken to care

The sound of the front door slamming shut echoed through the living room. It was the last noise Amber heard for a long time. After that came the silence. It was deafening. She couldn’t recognize her surroundings nor could she focus on anything else other than the apartment’s entrance. It all happened so fast. One moment she was coming home from a disastrous day at work, and the next, she was staring at her wife’s teary eyes. Those beautiful sapphire orbs that were usually filled with excitement and love were now clouded with immense sadness. The second she registered her partner’s distress, the raven-haired woman knew something was wrong. Then she remembered, today was their second anniversary. The couple was supposed to celebrate at a fancy Italian restaurant, the one they had their first date in. Amber was filled with tremendous regret for missing such an important milestone for their relationship. She was about to apologize but was stopped when her partner, Emma, gestured for her to remain silent. Then the dark-haired woman had to endure one of the most painful moments of her life. Her wife spoke with a stone-cold expression and continued to tell Amber that they were done. Emma wanted a divorce, and her decision was final. There was nothing that could be said or done to change her mind. Amber’s actions had hurt her partner too much. When the blue-eyed woman finished her speech, she stood there for a moment, daring her wife to do something. The raven-haired woman wanted to do so many things, to explain why this misunderstanding happened, to apologize, to kiss her and to take away all of her sadness. Instead, Amber just sat there, frozen in place, unable to move a muscle. After what felt like an eternity, the ocean-eyed woman opened the front door and then shut it with a loud bang. Before exiting, however, she took off her ring and threw it on the table. Then she was gone. It took several minutes for the raven-haired woman to process what had happened. When she did, she was devastated. She had just lost her partner, the one person who she cared about the most in the entire world. Why? Because she was too focused on her stupid work and too prideful to admit she made a mistake. At this moment, the businesswoman wanted to scream. Her bad habits finally caught up to her and cost her the most precious relationship she had. To say Amber was angry would be an understatement. Of course, her feelings weren’t directed towards her partner. The dark-haired woman blamed no one but herself. She had treated her significant other poorly. She had forgotten their anniversary in favour of her work and had let her awful routine destroy her marriage. To make matters worse, this wasn’t even the first time the brown-eyed woman forgot something or chose her career instead of her personal life. There were many examples throughout her life when her neverending ambition for success caused pain to others. Her drive to achieve her goals was just too strong. For her, failure wasn’t even an option. She always had to be the best. Her current situation was simply the result of her damaged personality.

In truth, Amber wasn’t the only one responsible for the divorce. Part of the reason why she acted the way she did through her life was her demanding parents. Ever since the raven-haired woman was a child, she was taught to pursue her goals no matter the cost and consequences. Her family taught her that it wasn’t important who got hurt by her actions. The only thing that mattered was always to be the best. Furthermore, they constantly told her that she shouldn’t let emotions cloud her judgement. Feelings were for the weak, for people who would never achieve anything in their lives. If the young girl wanted to have a decent life, she should never feel anything. She wasn’t supposed to care when someone was sad, wasn’t allowed to be angry when she entered an argument, wasn’t able to appreciate the happiness that her accomplishments brought. As a result of her parent’s disciplinary tactics, the dark-haired girl slowly but surely became an emotionless machine. She didn’t allow herself to feel joy, excitement, sadness, guilt, anger and even love. She focused on her current task and strived towards achieving it. Day after day, month after month, this way of living became normal for Amber. It made sense to her. She was able to do anything she wanted, and her family was finally proud of her. She was finally the perfect heir to one day take after her family’s business. All that was left for her to do now was to go to business school and earn her degree. Graduating university proved to be quite easy for the chocolate-eyed girl. She was the best student in almost all of her classes, and her professors were constantly praising her. The girl didn’t care that people congratulated her or tried to start relationships and form long-lasting bonds with her. All that mattered was that she would make her relatives proud. The brown-eyed girl had many ideas about what to do next, and there was nothing that could stop her. In her mind, she was invincible. Little did she know, this was far from the truth. 

Becoming the CEO of a multi-billion dollar company should have felt better. It should have brought the dark-haired woman at least some sense of satisfaction, some happiness from achieving her dream after all the effort she put into the task. Instead, she felt nothing. Absolutely nothing. For the brown-eyed woman, even this wasn’t enough. She wanted to achieve more, to be better. Her ambition wasn’t stopping with acquiring a certain position. The young woman was determined to continue forward, to defeat her competition and be the best of the best. One faithful day, however, her life was turned upside down. It started like any other day. The raven-haired woman woke up before the sun rose over the horizon, completed her morning routine and went towards her favourite coffee shop for her daily dose of caffeine. She entered the establishment, ordered her drink and sat at a corner table while pulling out her laptop from her bag. Then it happened. The front door opened and the bell chimed, indicating that a new customer had entered the building. The noise from the bell distracted Amber from her work, and she looked up towards the object of the unpleasant sound. What she saw, however, was far from unpleasant. Walking towards the counter was the most beautiful being she has ever seen. The person who managed to leave her breathless was a woman probably in her early twenties, with wavy golden-blond hair falling down her shoulders, wearing a tight grey button-up that hugged her body perfectly and dark-blue jeans which complimented her legs in the best possible way. When Amber got a good look at the blonde’s face, she was convinced that she was staring at an angel. The woman was flawless. She had beautifully tanned skin and the most vibrant blue eyes she had ever had the pleasure of seeing. At that moment, the dark-haired woman felt something inside of her change. She didn’t want to suppress her emotions anymore. The desire to ruthlessly chase her goals had temporarily subsided. The brown-eyed woman felt free, and she found this feeling addictive. After some moments of consideration, Amber decided that she wanted to know more about the blonde. If this enigmatic creature was able to make her feel again with just a glance, she wondered what else was possible. The raven-haired woman got up from her seat, walked confidently towards the blue-eyed stranger and introduced herself. The charming golden-haired woman was surprised at first, but after a second replied with the brightest smile, Amber has ever seen. The women chatted for a bit and then exchanged numbers. After a couple of days filled with texts which eventually turned into phone calls, Amber decided to be bold and invited Emma to have dinner. Later the two women would have their first date that would mark the beginning of their relationship.

Amber was looking back at those memories with a heavy heart. There were only two things she could do now. The brown-eyed woman could either go after Emma and beg for another chance, promising to be better, or she could let the other woman go and continue to live her life in solitude. Ultimately, the businesswoman chose the latter option, because deep down, she knew that Emma would forgive her. However, that meant going back to how things used to be. The raven-haired woman knew that she couldn’t change. No matter how hard she tried, she would always put her success first and would eventually end up hurting her lover again. In her mind, it was better to let the blonde go. At least that way the blue-eyed woman could find someone who could make her happy. Amber knew she wasn’t capable of change. She was just too broken on the inside. The one good thing she could do was give Emma the chance to find the happiness she deserved, even if that meant that the brown-eyed woman would always be alone. Sadly, sometimes giving up was the best way to move forward.