Contest #271 winner 🏆

180 comments

Drama Sad Fiction

The elderly lady shuffled the few remaining steps to the park bench and sat down, happy to catch her breath and rest for a moment. The autumn sunshine was warm, but the nip in the air made her glad of her warm coat. She placed her handbag neatly on her knee.

“Good morning,” said the silver-haired gentleman at the other end of the bench. “Beautiful day.”

Elsie smiled. “Yes, it is. Cold, but lovely.”

The man folded his newspaper and returned the smile. “I’m George.”

“Hello, George. I’m Elsie.” She re-arranged her scarf, her gnarled fingers struggling in the cold.

They sat for a few moments quietly, looking over the city. “I’ve always loved this view.” 

“Pardon?”

“The view,” George repeated. “I’ve been coming here since I was a boy. I used to watch the trains.”

Elsie looked to where George was pointing, down the hill towards the city. 

“I liked the steam trains. Do you see?” He added. 

“Yes, I can see. No more steam trains now, though, I’m afraid. It was different, then.”

George nodded. “It was. I’d travel the country. My folks had no idea where I was half the time. It wasn’t like it is today.” He paused. “Do you have children?”

“Yes, two. And grandchildren, now.”

“Then you’re blessed. What are their names?” George turned to look at Elsie, noticing her careworn face, the long, white plait that rested over her shoulder.

“Timothy, is the eldest. He has two little ones of his own now.” Elsie said, proudly. “Well, not so little now. They’ve grown and gone, too. I don’t get to see them as much as I’d like.”

“I’ve always liked the name Timothy.”

Elsie smiled. “And then there’s Ellen. She got married, finally, last year. She’s nearly sixty! She finally took the plunge.”

“Well that’s lovely!”

“It is. It was. She looked beautiful.”

George sat back. “I always wanted children.”

Another few moments passed by, quietly. 

Elsie looked over. “You can read your newspaper, George. I don’t mind.”

“No, no. It’s okay. I don’t often get chance to chat. Especially with a beautiful woman.” He said, with a wink. 

Elsie chuckled. “Charmer. I bet you broke some hearts.”

“I don’t know about that!”

“Did you grow up around here, then?”

“Yes,” replied George. “Not far. And I went to school here, too. Calder… Calder something.” He shook his head. “I forget.”

“Age does that to us, doesn’t it?” Elsie asked, softly.

George shrugged. “I guess it does.”

She sighed. “It takes away the most precious things. Our bodies, our minds, our memories.” 

They fell into quiet again, both looking at the city sprawled out before them, lost in their own thoughts.

“May I ask you something, George?” 

He turned to look at her again. “Of course!”

“Have you ever married?”

George shook his head. “No, I never married. There was a girl I knew… once. I forget her name. Have you?”

“Yes. I was lucky enough to marry my best friend. The love of my life.”

“Well that’s wonderful!”

“Yes. It was wonderful. I’ve… lost him now. And it’s lonely. Terribly, terribly lonely.” Elsie looked down at her lap.

George reached over and took her hand, tenderly. “I’m very sorry for your loss. How long ago?” 

“Around five years ago. Nothing has been the same since.” Tears filled her once, bright blue eyes. They were cloudy now; age and sorrow had faded their beauty. 

George frowned. “That’s such a shame. Do you have anyone close?”

Elsie shook her head. “They have their own lives. Timothy is in Chester, Ellen in Manchester. And I feel like all I do is cross names out of my address book.” She paused. “All of my friends… They’re all gone.” 

George reached into his pocket for his handkerchief and offered it to her. “There, now. It’s okay.”

Elsie managed a small smile. “Thank you.” She wiped her eyes. “It’s silly. You must think I’m an old fool, sitting on a bench, crying.”

“Not at all.”

“Well I feel like an old fool. I should be glad of what I have. I’m still here, my children are happy and healthy. You were right, I have been blessed.”

George looked puzzled. “What?”

“A minute ago, you said I was blessed. For having my children.”

“Oh, that’s right.” He shook his head. “I’m more forgetful, the older I get.”

Elsie tried to pass the handkerchief back but George refused. “Keep it, I have plenty.”

“Okay, I will. Thank you.” She opened her handbag and tucked the handkerchief inside. She snapped it shut again. “It’s a funny old life, George, don’t you think?”

He tilted his head, not understanding. “In what way?”

“I just… can’t believe I’m here. At the end of my life. And what do I really have to show for it?”

George didn’t reply. 

“I don’t feel any different than I did ten years ago. Twenty years ago, even. And now when I look in the mirror, an old woman looks back.” She sighed. “It all feels so… pointless.”

George cleared his throat. “I don’t know how to help you with that one, I’m afraid,” he said, a little uncomfortably.

“I know, George. I don’t expect answers. I just wanted to say it out loud.”

Quiet fell again. 

“I used to take the trains, you know. All around the country.”

“Yes. You said.”

George laughed. “I did?” 

Elsie smiled, indulgently. “Yes. And your parents didn’t know.”

“Not a clue. Not like today.”

“No, George. It isn’t like today at all.”

George turned to look at her. “Do you know, you seem really familiar. Have we met before?”

Elsie sighed. “Yes. We have met.”

George frowned. 

“And it’s time we went home. This cold is getting right to my bones.”

George continued to frown. 

“Come on. I’ve got a casserole in the oven. And then it’s time for the racing. You like the racing.” She stood, stiffly, then held her hand out. She smiled, encouragingly. “Come on, George. Home time.”

George stood, still frowning. “Home?”

“Yes, sweetheart. Home. And we can ring Tim later and see him on the screen. Remember?”

George nodded slightly and stood. 

“Don’t forget your paper.”

The elderly couple walked away from the park bench where they had sat every Sunday morning for the past fifty years, hand in hand, back to the house where they had raised their children. Empty now, thought Elsie as she lead her husband back through the park. Entirely empty.

October 06, 2024 12:36

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180 comments

Stasia Komadinko
20:21 Oct 18, 2024

This is the level of realism in dialogues that I’m striving for in my own work! You’re truly inspiring!

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Kate Simkins
20:23 Oct 18, 2024

I genuinely think that's the best compliment I have ever received! Thank you so much... it really means a lot x

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Alexis Araneta
17:34 Oct 18, 2024

Kate, well deserving of a win. A touching take on the classic theme of caring for a spouse with Alzheimer's. I think the way you gradually built the story really made this sing. Splendid work !

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Kate Simkins
17:38 Oct 18, 2024

Thanks, Alexis. The character of George is based on my father, so there is an element of truth. I think this has helped my readers feel more connected to the story. I appreciate you taking the time to read and comment.

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Audrey Knox
17:54 Oct 18, 2024

Oh my gosh I completely misread this story! I thought it was about them both being dead and Elsie coming back as a ghost to take him to the beyond. The more grounded, Alzheimer’s twist is much more emotionally resonant. Thank you for this comment pointing it out.

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Alexis Araneta
04:16 Oct 19, 2024

Hi, Audrey !! (First of all, I've always loved that name!) No worries at all. The lovely thing about reading is that all of us have our own experiences and interpretations we bring to a story. I think it gives a story a different flavour when another person has a different take.

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Nisha Bordoloi
06:32 Oct 19, 2024

It's so beautifully written. I love such simple stories with a deep sense of emotion. I don't understand most of the stories written now-a-days. But this one resonated with me and teared me up. I am also getting forgetful by the day and fear the coming days. But right now I just want to enjoy whatever I am getting blessed. with.

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Kate Simkins
13:20 Oct 19, 2024

Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. My father has dementia, so this story was really personal. I agree with taking each day as it comes - no-one can know what is around the corner. Thoughts are with you x

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19:52 Oct 18, 2024

You absolutely broke my heart with this story. I'm very interested in neuroscience, so seeing it interwoven so seamlessly into a fiction piece is beautiful. Congrats on the win! Very well-deserved :)

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Kate Simkins
19:54 Oct 18, 2024

Thanks so much! It is a terribly sad story, but a common one, I fear. I appreciate you taking the time to read and comment.

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Linda Kenah
12:33 Oct 19, 2024

Kate, congratulations on the win. You crafted a sad but beautiful story. The dialog was moving, and very reflective of a real life situation dealing with a person who has dementia. It brought tears to my eyes. Well deserved accolades.

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Kate Simkins
13:17 Oct 19, 2024

Thankyou. I really appreciate the time you have taken to read and comment ☺️

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01:44 Oct 19, 2024

I loved this story. It’s sad but it was so sweet too when I realized they were married. It made me think of my husband’s grandparents who were high school sweethearts and were always the cutest couple when they were here on earth. You painted such a vivid portrait. Congratulations on your well deserved win!

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Kate Simkins
13:31 Oct 19, 2024

Thank you! I really appreciate you taking the time to leave a comment. There are elements of my own grandparents in the story - my grandfather was named George and the part about the trains is a ‘nod’ to my own father’s childhood. X

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Ranjani Krishnan
21:43 Oct 19, 2024

This was incredibly moving and very poignantly written. I lost my dad to Alzheimer’s and this piece captures the point that the memories may be lost but the love never is.

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Kate Simkins
07:46 Oct 20, 2024

Thankyou. My father is also a sufferer, so this piece was really personal. I appreciate you taking the time to read and comment.

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23:45 Oct 18, 2024

This is a beautiful story. Congratulations. With that level of forgetfulness (short-term memory loss is mild compared to what you have described), it is best to go along with them and not argue and remind. Your MC handled it well. With gentleness and tact. You handled it well!

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Kate Simkins
13:42 Oct 19, 2024

Thank you! I appreciate you taking the time to leave a comment. I agree with the tactic of ‘going along’… I’ve seen it with my own father and it just leads to distress. Dementia is a cruel disease.

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Arora Gleans
22:09 Oct 18, 2024

This was so beautifully written! I loved the simplicity of the story and the seamlessness of the dialogue between Elsie and George. There were many moments when I had tears in my eyes (I also wanted to say, that the feeling and mood of this story somehow took me back to when I watched The Notebook, which is incredible). Amazing work! Well deserved win :).

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Kate Simkins
13:48 Oct 19, 2024

Thank you for taking the time to read and leave such a lovely comment - I really appreciate it. (I will admit to having never seen The Notebook, but don’t tell anyone!) Thanks again x

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Aaron Bowen
15:22 Oct 18, 2024

What cuts me about this one, Kate, is not the familiar story about grieving the loss of a loved one long before death; it's the simultaneous tragic futility of Elsie's brave face, as well as the willing sacrifice of her best efforts. We know how she truly feels about the situation, given her inner monologue, but we also get to see the facade she puts up for her husband, knowing it will matter only a little, and only for a moment. She's both brave and generous to keep the faith as she does.

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Kate Simkins
15:53 Oct 18, 2024

Thank you for taking the time to write such a lovely comment. You have definitely hit upon my feelings about Elsie and the situation she finds herself in. She is a genuine hero.

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John Rutherford
08:32 Oct 19, 2024

Congratulations Kate.

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Kate Simkins
13:18 Oct 19, 2024

Thank you!

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Jerry Borich
01:28 Oct 19, 2024

Oh wow. So sad. So true. I couldn't stop reading until the end. Very good.

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Kate Simkins
13:33 Oct 19, 2024

Thank you for taking the time to read and comment ☺️ x

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Katie Mobley
16:04 Nov 08, 2024

This was a very good, very amazing story, the ending surprised me in a happy, sad way. Wish i could write with such power in storytelling!

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Jennie Mika
11:00 Nov 07, 2024

I love this. The twist was really well done. It moved me ♡

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Mason -
20:04 Nov 05, 2024

Very powerful. Simple, but done so well.

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Kate Simkins
20:15 Nov 05, 2024

Thank you 😊

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Tawana Burgan
17:39 Nov 05, 2024

I am in tears! This is so beautifully written. I love the dialogue, fell in love with the couple. I have read some of your comments about your father and your grandfather, I had a writing teacher many years ago tell me that the best stories come from people we know and life experiences, he was so right. My own father had dementia and it is a fear I have because I am getting older. In fact, I can see the situation reversed and my husband and I on that park bench. :-) One of the best shorts I have read so far. Congrats.

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Kate Simkins
17:58 Nov 05, 2024

That's such a lovely comment, thank you! It really was a special story and I agree that writing from experience makes the story all the more relatable. It definitely makes it feel more real🙏

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Tom Skye
11:53 Nov 05, 2024

This was amazing dialogue. I have read stories about Alzheimer's before but the back and forth between the characters here was so immersive, the reality of the situation didn't occur to me until the reveal. I also enjoyed that Elsie's state of mind was less sentimental and more accepting, maybe even resentful in the end. I imagine partners going through this situation experience a world of emotions. Amazing work. I can see why it won.

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Kate Simkins
12:39 Nov 05, 2024

Thank you! My father has dementia so this one was close to my heart. I appreciate you taking the time to read and comment 🙏

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SOPHIE SIMMONS
04:03 Nov 05, 2024

Wow. I love how this story left the reader with a sense of wonder throughout, and that it wasn't entirely clear what was going on until the end. Beautiful story about grieving a loved one with dementia/memory loss. Very well deserved win.

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Kate Simkins
07:59 Nov 05, 2024

Thank you! I appreciate you taking the time to read and leave a comment 🙏

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Henna Shah
03:32 Nov 04, 2024

This story is breathtaking! It has a sense of sorrow, but it is beautifully written to explain the effect of Alzheimer’s. It tests the emotion of readers, starting out as a sweet conversation between two elderly individuals, but morphing into the tranquil story of a woman, forgotten by her husband. (I hope this makes sense, and that what I interpreted is what you were going for!)

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Kate Simkins
08:40 Nov 04, 2024

Thank you! It's is exactly what I was going for. I appreciate you taking the time to read and leave a comment 🙏

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Mallory Jones
23:26 Nov 03, 2024

Beautiful. ❤️

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