TABITHA'S PROBLEM

Missandra jiggled the key in the padlock until it clicked. Her heart thudded. She had no idea what she was about to see behind this door but even if she did, nothing could’ve prepared her for what she was walking into. Well, that was a lie. She’d grown up in that house, she knew what it was like. But since she’d walked away so many years ago, she had no idea the monster this had grown into. Even though she’s still kept in contact with her mother, Missandra, or Missy as everyone called her, refused to ever set foot back in that house, so she really had no idea how bad things had gotten.

Eyes pressed firmly together, she took a deep breath, began to roll up the garage door and was pelted by a falling object on the back of her neck.

“Ow! Shit!”

Her curse bounced off the row of storage units across from her and continued on down the aisle as she bent down to pick up the offending object. It was a bear dressed in a tutu and ballerina slippers all carved out of wood. The pink paint that Missandra assumed had been bright at one point, was faded and chipped. The bear appeared to be mid-spin with its eyes closed and a grin that revealed one sharp tooth. Missandra rubbed the back of her neck as she studied the thing. Her eyes moved up to the unit she’d just opened and her heart fluttered. It was so much worse than she’d thought.

The unit was packed almost to the brim with boxes, stuff on top of boxes, random furniture, dolls, cabinets and lamps for as far back as she could see into it. Missy wasn’t sure how her mother, or whoever had moved this stuff in here, had been able to even get the damn door shut. Where the hell would she even start?. How would she be able to go through all of that? Her sister definitely wasn’t going to help, she hadn’t been around since the huge blow up with their mom four or five years back. Missy wasn’t even sure if anyone had given her the news yet.

Letting out a giant sigh, Missandra slumped her back against the wall next to the storage unit and slid down to a sit, putting her head in her hand, the other still holding that bear. She looked at the bear again and thought back to the last time she’d remembered seeing it. It was one of many, many figurines her mother had collected over the years. Missy couldn’t think of any time in her childhood that there wasn’t a bunch of shit all over their house. Of course the earlier years were cleaner, but looking back at holiday pictures, her mother was still out of hand back then, but at least they had open walkways and running water. If this storage unit looked like this, she could only imagine what her mom’s house looked like. Actually, she didn’t want to imagine it.

Her lip curled back as she thought about the smell in the house and the stuff everywhere. There wasn’t a room in that sprawling six bedroom house that was untouched by her mother’s stuff. Most rooms weren’t even accessible but they couldn’t close the doors, so everything was all on display all the time. As the years went by, more items consumed every open inch of the house, covering the stove and spilling into the hallways and even her and her sister, Leah’s, bedrooms. They’d found an empty space in Leah’s room on the floor to sleep and they had to defend that space with their lives or their mother would fill it with more stuff. Purses, shoes, clothes, papers, sheets and blankets, and more unopened boxes and unused things everywhere.

But it was the figurines and dolls that her mother couldn’t seem to get enough of. There was a curio cabinet in almost every available wall space in her mother’s home full of glass trinkets, marbles, and those damn figurines. Missy ran a finger over the bear’s tutu ruffle. Missy’d been with her mother, Tabitha, when she’d found that bear. There were several shops not too far from where they lived that they frequented on weekends. The owner's eyes would light up as soon as they saw Tabitha walk through the doors. She was their favorite customer.

Missandra’s stomach turned at the thought, just as it would every time her mother dragged her along on one of her sprees. Their dad, Steve, Leah, and Missy all knew that Tabitha had a problem, but she was like a machine that had one mission to complete and wouldn’t allow anything to stand in her way to get it. Their dad and mom used to fight all the time about it. He’d get pissed, of course, not only was she spending all of his hard earned money faster than he could make it, she was also destroying the beautiful home they’d bought. They would fight and he would just start throwing a bunch of her stuff away without her consent. While she was away from the house, he would sneak things out or secretly give things away to friends and family. Tabitha always knew, and her retaliation would be to go out and buy two things in its place. Eventually, Steve gave up the fight.

That didn’t keep Missy from hating the shopping trips or even from discouraging her mother from bringing anything else in. Her mother would scoff and wave her hand at Missy. Afterall, she was just a child, what did she know? Leah refused to go with their mother anywhere back then. She’d gotten to the age where she was aware how their house made them look in the eyes of others. She did everything she could to keep anyone from knowing who her mother was, including having friends drop her off in front of different houses. She’d wait until they were well out of sight before she walked the rest of the way home in the shadows and sneak in the back door.

But their mother didn’t like to shop alone, she needed someone with her to help justify that she was making a “smart purchase” or to agree that she was getting “such a great deal”. She didn’t care one bit if that validation came from an eleven year old. She’d wake Missy up early Saturday morning, sometimes when it was still dark. Missy would stumble groggily through her morning routine, the dread just beginning to bubble.

They would head to Wally’s for breakfast. Missy would always get the strawberry, cream cheese pancakes and orange juice. Now that part she did like. And she loved her mother in those moments. It was the closest to having what Missy imagined was a normal mother as it got. They would chit chat about Missy’s classes and friends and Tabitha would gossip about her family. They would giggle like toddlers, but there was always that gnawing feeling in the back of Missy’s mind that told her this wasn’t real, this was all going away as soon as her mother paid the tab.

They’d head out to the old hatchback that was stuffed full of random crap. Always. The car could seat at least five people, but in Tabitha’s world, a little space in the two seats up front was enough. The drive to the thrift stores wasn't long, but each time they left one parking lot and entered another, Missy would try to think of a plan to get her mother home and away from the stores. it never worked. Tabitha would park before giving Missy’s sweater a tug.

"Come on! There's hardly anyone here!"

She'd hop out of the car with a gleam in her eye and bound into each door as if a kid at a playground, a smile from ear to ear on her face. They’d traipse up and down each aisle meticulously digging and sifting through shit. Anything that was remotely interesting would cause Tabitha to pause, hold it up, and remark.

“Look, Missy!” Her voice would be almost a whisper, eyes wide and childlike., “Wouldn’t this look good in the cabinet next to the hallway? Right next to the other ballerinas?”

A tear spilled over, running down Missy’s face and warming her cheek, details of that day rushing back in an instant. She’d taken the bear from her mother and held it for the rest of the time in the store, studying it as her mother continued looking for more junk. More shit to fill the emptiness inside her. The void that had grown into a blackhole and was now sucking everyone in around her.

Missy’s eleven year old self knew then just as her twenty-seven year old self knew now what that bear represented. And in a way it made her sad for her mother. Tabatha clearly had some trauma she hadn’t worked through in life.

But Missy's sadness was always trumped by anger, and rightfully so in her opinion. She imagined a life where she didn’t have to be afraid to invite people over to her house or when her clothes didn’t stink. A life where her mother cared more about her family than the worthless crap she chose to surround herself with. But that would never happen. Leah knew that much earlier than Missy which is how she was able to break free from their mother’s hold. Missy was much more vulnerable to her mother’s manipulation as she’d found out in counseling.

And now here she was again, running to do her mother’s bidding. At her beck and call. Missy snarled at the bear before rearing her arm back and throwing the wooden figurine as hard as she could. The clank of the wooden bear striking the metal storage unit door across from her rang throughout the entire facility. Why was she here doing this bullshit? Why was it always her? She wiped her face with the back of her sleeve and stood up, digging her phone from her back pocket. She pulled up her text messages and headed to Leah’s name.

Missy: They’re foreclosing on the house. Mom’s moving to Aunt Nicole’s. Please come help me clean out her storage units.

Missandra hit send and waited patiently. She’d spoken to Leah a few weeks ago and she seemed to be doing fine, at least that’s what she told Missy. They hardly saw each other anymore and Leah never stopped by for any of the holidays, and even though Missy could count on her gossiping auntie’s to let her in on what was going on with their mother, she still felt she should say something. She needed the help, anyway.

After a few moments, the text bubbles showed up and Missy’s heart leapt to her throat. She felt deep down that Leah was going to disappoint her, but she wanted to at least give her the benefit of doubt. Her phone buzzed.

Leah: And deal with mom’s shit? No thank you. Why are you cleaning out the units?

Missandra huffed and rolled her eyes. Why couldn’t she just be a helpful older sibling for once? Why did Missy always have to rely on herself? She pursed her lips as her thumbs moved across the screen.

Missy: She can’t afford them anymore and Nicole is demanding rent. They’ve gotta be cleaned out by the 1st or they’ll lock up the unit and auction her stuff.

She bit her lip as she sent the text and turned to face the unit that was threatening to spill its guts out into the aisle. Missy looked down at the ring of labeled keys in her hand. They stopped at number six. She looked back at her screen. It was the twenty-fourth. How the hell were they going to pull this off? Even with Leah’s help, there was no way they were going to get all of these things moved out of here. And where the hell was it going to go? Her phone vibrated again, and Missy heaved a sigh before opening her messages.

Leah: So what? It’s been sitting in those units now for how many years? Finally a good excuse to let that shit go.

Missandra felt the heat rising up her face. How dare Leah be like this? Why couldn’t she just be a caring sister and come help her? She squeezed her jaw tight and let out a growl as her finger flew across her screen.

Missy: FINE! DON’T HELP THEN!

She shot the text off, her heart thudding against her ribs. Missy paced, her hands on her hips and occasionally kicking the ground. What the hell was she going to do? Her mother was going to be pissed if she found out that Missy hadn’t been able to save anything. She’d probably give her the silent treatment for weeks. Hell, Tabitha had already done that when she’d misplaced her favorite doll and thought Missy’d thrown it out. Missy didn’t even know what the hell her mother was so upset about and only found out after it’d been found.

She paced and huffed, huffed and paced, tears rolling down her face. Damn her mother and damn her sister and damn her father for leaving her in this position. They’d all abandoned her mother as if she were nothing and it seemed Missy was the only one who cared anything about her. Sure, Tabitha was manipulative, but Missy could usually see right through it and stop her in her tracks. Her mother didn’t take advantage of her nearly as much as when she was a kid. She could stand her ground now, a little. But this was something that she was sure her mother would be mad about and nobody seemed to care about it. Her phone alerted her again and she stopped walking.

Leah: Missy, Mom’s problems are not your problems. Once you learn to believe that, you will be free. I promise. Let. That. Shit. Go.

Missy balked at the text. What the hell was Leah talking about? Why couldn’t she just stop whatever she was doing and come help her figure this out? She hovered her fingers over the letters but then decided not to text back. It was obvious that she wasn’t going to get any help. Gritting her teeth, Missy turned toward her car when she spotted the bear she’d thrown across the aisle. She stood, staring at that thing for at least a minute or two without moving.

She’d walk by that bear every day when she’d get home from school, staring at it with contempt as she passed by. There were plenty of days Missandra wished the house would’ve burned in a fire or been swept away in a tornado so that she wouldn’t have to fight her way through the front door and down the hallway of her own home. So that she’d have a clean bedroom with an actual bed to sleep on that wasn’t covered in her mother’s shit. She hated that bear and everything it stood for. Her mother had deemed that bear, and all the other crap she’d collected in that house, more important that Missy, or Leah, or their dad, or the rest of her friends and family.

Their mother was willing to risk her own children being taken away and placed in foster care then to get rid of junk that did nothing but take up space. And when her dad finally gave up and left, he decided that he didn’t want the burden of taking care of children either. Leah was gone not too long after that, leaving Missy to fend for herself in a house that was slowly closing in around them. That bear would stare back at Missy, mocking her every day, safely tucked behind the protection of the curio cabinet glass.

Her jaw tightened as the memories flooded her brain as the tears had her cheeks. She looked back at the text message and then up at the storage unit.

Let. That. Shit. Go.

She wiped her face with her sleeve and walked over to the bear, picked it up and slipped the figure into her pocket. It would be her reminder forever.

Missy walked back to the storage unit and grabbed the door handle, rolling it down to a close. She hooked and locked the padlock before heading to her car and starting the engine. Leah was right. Missy was done being a pawn and done being roped into Tabitha's mess.

Mom’s problems were not hers.

Not anymore.