What I Thought I Knew

“Will you marry me, Danielle?”

Edward’s voice came from behind me and I slowly turned around to see him awkwardly bent on one knee and his hands outstretched with a large silver ring neatly stacked in a tiny box. I must have started crying. Or laughing. His happy expression shifted to one of uncertainty and I realized I must have answered the question wrong.

“Yes,” I clarified, “Yes, I’ll marry you”

His courage surfaced again. He jumped to his feet and tenderly pushed the ring onto my index finger. I kissed him in front of everyone at the cafe and pulled him into a hug. Oh that's right, we were in public. The few onlookers present started shouting and applauding for us and I gave them a shy smile. In the heat of the moment I forget we were in one of the most well-known cafes in Miami, Starbucks.

I released Edward from my grip and settled back in my seat. We had agreed to meet here today and I had been uncharacteristically early due to one of my meetings being cancelled at the office. I was also curious because it was so sudden for him to contact me at work. I excitedly sipped my coffee as he ordered his.

“One espresso” He told the waitress.

I watched his lips move with his words and the way his jaw retracted and flexed. To be married to such a handsome and loving man was really a steal. I honestly didn’t think this would happen. You see, Edward and I had met in my last year of college. He was a senior psychology major and I was into economics. We did not hit it off on the first date but the sex was a constant that kept happening over and over...and over. At some point, I suggested that we become exclusive because I couldn’t stand to see him with another girl. He readily agreed and here we were, five years later.

“I’m so glad I met you,” He said with a goofy smile.

I swooned. The waitress brought over his order and he handed her his card to pay for both. After she walked away, I slid my chair closer to him and rested my temple on his shoulder. Everything was coming full circle, just like I’d hoped. My mother had warned me though that Edward was just a player, that he didn’t really love me. Look who’s wrong now, Mom! I unconsciously sniggered to myself, completely oblivious to the gorgeous blonde that had her arms crossed at our table.

I nudged Edward to let him tell her the table was unavailable but noticed his mouth was hung open and his body tensed.

“Who’s this whore!?” She shouted.

Whore?

“Amanda,” He panicked, shrugging me off and standing, “What do you think you’re doing?”

Amanda? Was I missing something?

“Edward, what is this?” I asked.

The wanton voice that asked that question didn’t sound like my own. It was soft and high-pitched as if I were a bubble about to burst. The blonde whipped her attention from Edward to me and her eyes narrowed into slits.

“Stay away from my husband!” She bellowed.

Wait a minute...husband?

I looked up at Edward’s face that morphed into one of pain and misunderstanding. If what she was saying was true, then what situation had he gotten us into? How was he married and why was this just coming to light? I pushed out of my seat and backed away from the table.

“Danielle, wait, I can explain” He tried to reach for my arm.

I dragged my hand out of reach. How dare he do this! The blonde noticed our exchange and marched around the table toward me but Edward threw himself between us. Again, some onlookers stared at us openly and my life was on public display.

“Juliet, stop this” Edward warned. “We’re not married anymore, at least not technically”

The blonde seethed with rage and stabbed him her finger to the chest.

“I told you, I’m not letting another woman have you!” She screamed. “This is exactly why I didn’t sign those divorce papers because I knew you’d replace me”

Edward caught her hand in his and shoved her back. She stumbled slightly but regained her footing.

“I told you already,” His voice dropped an octave, “We are no longer married. I signed off on that divorce statement three years ago. Whatever you want to do is up to you!”

All of this was new information that assaulted my ears and everyone else still present. I somewhat understood the situation now but I wasn’t sure what to say. Luckily I didn’t have to figure it out. Edward faced me with the most remorseful expression I’ve ever seen him with. He grabbed my hand in his and quickly led me out of the cafe. The few people in our way moved to the side and we finally ended up on the street. His car was parked a few buildings down and I willingly followed him.

“I’m sorry you had to be a part of that,” He apologized as we walked.

I looked at the back of his head, down to his shoulders and to his hand linked in mine.

“Edward, who was that woman?” I boldly asked once we got to his car. “I’m not going anywhere with you until you tell me.”

He paused at the passenger door and gave me a hard glare.

“That demon is my ex-wife,” He spat. “I was married when we met but my marriage had been failing years before that. I only wanted sex at first but then you...then you wanted to be with me. I didn’t want to tell you no because I felt the same. So I finally tried to divorce her and she didn’t agree to sign the papers. My lawyer said it was legal for me to leave the marriage of my own volition but she held onto me all the same”

I stood on the side, listening to him in anguish.

“Is that why we moved to Miami last year?”

He looked over at me but soon lowered his eyes to the ground.

“Yes,” He whispered.

I stepped away from him.

“You don’t understand! She kept visiting me at home, at work. I didn’t want you to know that my life was messed up! I had to keep you safe Danielle, I didn’t want to lose what we had”

I could see the sincerity in his face, hear it in his voice, but everything was so confusing. He had lied to me and kept such a huge secret for five years. Was that the only thing he lied about?

“What else?” I argued.

He looked at me with furrowed brows. “What do you mean what else?”

“What else have you lied about, Edward?”

“Nothing! She was the only mistake of my life, Danielle” He countered.

Damn! He was saying all the right words and I felt myself falling for it. I understood what he was going through to some extent and sympathized with his reasons but...I couldn’t go through with this. I couldn’t marry him anymore. I couldn’t love him anymore, even though I knew my heart was breaking because I did in fact love him. I pulled the silver ring off my finger and threw it at his chest.

“I can’t do this,” I breathed.

Edward reached out for me but I backed up a few steps. My head was starting to spin and the tears were coming harder than I expected. My chest was caving in and my insides felt like mush. The man I thought I knew and loved didn’t really exist at all.

My mother was right.

In the moment, I knew my emotions were doing all the heavy work, none of the logic. In such a heartbreaking moment, my brain had shut off and I felt the world turning over. If he really did love me, I’d find my way back to him but for now I was content with walking away. I needed time to rebuild myself and really think about what I had done. What I had allowed into my life. There had been red flags right through our relationship but I chose to ignore them. I chose to pretend something wasn’t off. I had failed my mom and I had failed myself.

I needed to think this through.

I walked away from Edward as he begged me to stay, begged me to forgive him and begged to be loved.