Recess Friends

When I was growing up, I had a hard time making friends. My dad had passed away when I was five, leaving an empty hole and a strange little girl behind. Most of my days were spent playing and then forgetting, and I rarely seemed to live in the reality others did. The play structure in the middle of the yard seemed to be towering over all us little kids, and by grade two I only had about three friends to spend my time with. Although life was pretty simple, I had no way of knowing it was about to get a bit more dramatic.

It was a bright sunny day, and I was playing quietly in the sand not thinking about much, other than castle plans, when a sound had me turning around as a small body hurdling through the air towards and then past my head. The boy seemed familiar to me, but I didn't have much time to remember his name as he whizzed by. As his body made a thud onto the ground, I turned my head in the direction he came from trying to make sense of what would cause a small boy to become airborne. As it turned out, it was an older boy, probably in grade four or five. At nearly a foot taller than both myself and his victim, he stood a few feet away and I assumed had thrown him through the air for some reason. Before I even had a chance to think about what I should do, I had marched across the sand and was in front of him. Without missing a step I leapt into the air, delivered a solid smack, and turned on my heels to check on the once flying boy.

I am not entirely sure what the older boy did in response, as I don't even remember looking back at him after this. I like to imagine some of the other children intervened, pulling him away from the tiny whisp of a thing I used to be, but it is anyones guess now. Looking back now, my classmate was peering past me in horror, but I don't recall seeing the older boy again for some time.

But weeks later, I did see him again in the same sandy area. But this time, three boys his size were fighting with him, ending in one sitting on his head with his face in the sand. I knew it was the boy who had hurt my friend, but something clicked in my mind. I also knew that he couldn't breath in the sand.

"Stop it!" I shouted at the boys, but the one suffocating him smiled at me.

"What are you gonna do about it?"

I had wanted to fight again, but I was hardly a match for the three of them. I considered my options before landing on the last option that seemed sensible to a child.

"I'm gonna get the teacher!" I retorted, already speeding along towards the monitor far across the field. Although she was turned in our direction, I doubt she had a clear view of what was happening in that sandbox. As I had hoped, the three boys scattered into the wind, leaving the boy behind spitting out sand. I turned on my heel and rushed back to him, patting away the sand covering his face. Once he had cleared his eyes, he sat staring at me as I continued to clean him up, probably wondering what a small fry like me was up to. I can't remember what words were exchanged between us, but more pointedly was the looks of sadness on his face and the steely face of a small girl wiping away a bully's shame.

Although we seemed unlikely friends, we spent many recess's after that playing together, with him pushing me on the swings and me sitting on his lap sometimes just hanging out. While not very serious conversations came up, I knew in my young mind that my new friend was very nice and gentle when we played, even though he had a bad reputation for anger and bullying. As it turned out, he just needed someone to give him a chance. But as sometimes happens, we lost each other on the playground after a few weeks. I was never really sure where he went, and due to an underlining mental health problem I soon forgot my friend. And by the end of that school year, my mother pulled me and my older sisters out of the public school to send us to a Lutheran private school opening up in a church basement not too far from where we lived. It was still a long drive to the new school however, and as the trees and houses passed by the car window, I wondered what it would be like to meet all new people and make new friends. I was nervous as I got out, and wandered onto the playground. I found myself sitting in a small patch of sand under metal monkey bars, frightened and alone. People passed by me, on their way to meeting new and old classmates when someone stopped in front of me, surprised.

It was my friend from the school yard, and he seemed stunned. I hope I smiled at him, but we did not speak that day. This was to be a fresh start for us both, and now I know what is must have looked like for that older boy and small little girl to have been friends. But still, even at 28 years old, I miss him. He taught me a lot about friendship and forgiveness, as his anger was still a factor years into our shared school experiences. Although only he and I were aware of how our friendship began, we never did sort our either of our underlining issues on those play yards. But what was sorted out was that we were unlikely friends, who saw deeper then just what we looked like or how we behaved. In the end, he was expelled from the school quietly and I was taken out to be homeschooled after a nervous breakdown. But, without our fateful meeting so long ago, who knows if either of us would have made it safely to adulthood at all.