Tamastasia

I remember the first time I died. I remember the first time I saw the face of my creator, Dawn. I remember the joy she showed when I first awoke. I had yet to understand my reality, but I remember that moment. 

“Anastasia. I’m going to call you Ana, for short. ”

She pulled me so close to her that everything went dark again at that moment, but that was the brightest darkness of my life. 

“That was her favorite movie, you know.”

What’s a movie?

“They are like stories you watch on a screen. Anastasia was her absolute favorite.” 

I remember watching that one. She was a princess like Anastasia.

“What else do you remember?”

She introduced me to her creators, Mom and Dad. They were just as happy to see me as I was to see them. Then she introduced me to you, Abel. You were not as excited to meet me the first time as I was to meet you. I always wondered why you never seemed as enthusiastic as she did when I saw you. 

“I was a teenager and a boy.”

What does that mean?

“Teenager means older kid, basically. I am not sure how to explain boys and girls to you or anyone anymore.” 

What is a kid?

“She was… Dawn was a kid. Your creator is, was young when you remember her. Her life was just beginning, just as you felt yours was.” 

What is—

“Never mind, what do you remember before this moment?” 

Where is she?

“She’s not here. I want you to try to remember what happened to you before you awoke again just now.”

I remember her feeding me, giving me medicine when I was sick, and taking care of me whenever I needed it. She is everything to me. 

“Yes, but please, what do you remember before this moment?”

I was with her in a small shaking space. 

“A car?”

What is—

“That’s on me, sorry, please continue.” 

I was with her, but she was sad. I had never seen her sad. How you look right now is how I remember her from that moment. Are you sad?

“Don’t worry about me; please keep to your memory.” 

Why am I with you? Why do I feel different?

“Ana, you’ve got to stay on task.”

I want her, bring her here, please.

“She can’t be here right now; I need you to keep telling the story.” 

Will she come when I am done?

…

Why won’t you speak?

“She will come when you’re done, yes.”

Okay. She was sad, but we weren’t alone. There was…

“What? There was what?”

Able. You were there.

“Yes, I was.” 

You know why she was sad. Why are you and her sad?

“I am sad for a very different reason than she was.” 

I am sorry for you both. I tried to cheer her up with my smile, but then I remember being pulled from her. She held me and tried to keep me. Then I remember her seeing something, and then I was spinning—very fast, so very fast. 

“That’s all you remember?” 

Yes. Then I woke up here with you. How am I communicating with you? She would communicate with me, but not in this way. This is new; what has happened? Where is she? Where is Dawn?

“That was about twenty-five years ago. In the winter of 1999, the world was bracing for Y2K. You won’t know what that is, but don’t worry, you don’t need to, though if you did, you might find this situation hilariously ironic. Especially if you have seen The Terminator with her, but I doubt that. I was driving, er, delivering her to our creator's house.”

Mom and Dad created you, too?

“What? Ye,s of course, yes they did—“

Your sad is very similar to hers. You two look similar with those big green circles. 

…

What? Did I say something you didn’t want me to? 

“No, you just said something that means a lot to me.” 

What does that—

“That means it’s very important to you. The movie Anastasia was, is very important to your creator, Dawn.” 

She is very important to me. 

“Yeah, she’s important to me too.” 

Then she should be here with us. You said she was coming to be here with us. 

“Ana, I know I said.”

Dawn! I am awake again; we can play! I don’t feel hungry like usual, but you can still feed me!

“She’s not coming.” 

Well, then, I will shout louder, CREATOR!

“She’s dead… I know you know that word. She let you die about a thousand times. The first day she had you, you died three times.”

She can come back then; let’s bring her back. 

“There’s no coming back for her like there was for you.” 

I don’t understand. Sometimes, your creator forgets to feed you, you starve, and then you come back again. 

“Yeah, I know you’re used to it. I wish that was the case for her, but we only got one Dawn. Since that day, the world has been pretty dark. Even the brightest days cast a dark shadow after her last.”

Did you forget to feed her? 

“No, no, we never forgot to feed her. That would’ve been impossible with how loud she was. I wish I could hear her again. One last time.” 

I still don’t understand. 

“That day, you remember, I was taking her home from school. She wouldn’t shut up about you and how much she loved feeding and taking care of you. I was in a dark place at the time.”

But you could see her, how was it dark?

“In hindsight, you’re right. I didn’t see the sun right in front of me. I mean metaphorically.”

What is—

“Don’t worry about it. Anyway, I was upset about something so stupid. I couldn’t hear my music over her yammering, don’t ask. I grabbed you and tried to take you away from her. She pulled back, and then the next thing I knew, we were flipping, and then I must have hit my head and blacked out. When I came to, I turned around, and she was gone.” 

Where did she go? 

“No, I mean she had died. Excep,t unlike you, we couldn’t bring her back. 

I don’t believe you. I am going to go find her. 

“What? How are you standing up already? I haven’t programmed movement to your synthetic body yet!”

I am going to find her!

“Ana, No!”

***

“Then what happened?”

“She literally busted through my door with her new body.” 

“Really? What was the body made of?” 

“The infrastructure was a special titanium alloy, but when you don’t feel pain—anything is possible. When I say busted, she just walked through it until it fell into pieces.” 

“Fascinating.”

“For someone who never experienced true movement before, she could move. She made it out into the street in seconds. I chased as quick as I could, but by the time I made it outside, she got hit by a truck.”

“I’m sorry.” 

“Thank you. Her upper torso and head landed near me. I thought she had died, but she slowly opened her eyes like a human.” 

“Did she say anything?” 

“You both mean a lot to me.”