Poppy

“I regret never having learned her name,” an interesting way to begin a eulogy. Drafty winds made their way through the funeral home, stirring low against the floor. The man on the stage restlessly tapped his finger against the chipping wood of the podium. Many had been here before him, yet he was sure they hadn’t found themselves in such a pitiful predicament.

“A shame, I only learned her name today from the programs,” he continued, his voice holding a raspy solemnity. He wasn’t all too sure where he was going with this speech. He had planned something entirely different, though flipping through his notecards, his tongue wouldn’t speak what needed to be said—no what he had simply written.

Why had he been given a place to speak here this evening. He could’ve been out at the bar downtown, blissfully indulging in bubbles. Instead, he was before a crowd of those who had loved and cherished this girl. From the very moment she had been born, she had never felt a second of doubt from her family and friends.

“Jealousy, probably.” he concluded. It had never registered in his mind until now. “I wasn’t even going to come,” he admitted. His words elicited judgment from the audience. “Yeah—yeah, I know. What kind of brother says that?” he spoke. With a defeated stroke of his gruff beard. As he gathered his words, a blue bird had managed to fly head first into a window nearby. Everyone turned to look at the sight; poor creature couldn’t quite find its way around. Unlike most, it made the man smile, even just a little.

“I’m not supposed to be here. Not in this room, or in this life, really. My father—the big man over there—had an affair with his wife almost twenty years ago. Most of you probably don’t know that, they never really wanted to share that bump in their relationship, so how else do you hide it but give up your son?” he smiled falsely. The room turned their disdainful glares to his father and the woman beside him.

Looking down at his sister peacefully positioned in her casket, the falsity of his smile turned genuine. She was laid to rest in a white casket wearing a pretty, pink dress and holding a bundle of similarly colored flowers. Determined, he grabbed the microphone and pulled it closer to his lips, “I should’ve celebrated her life in full before ever having to mourn. I’ll never get time with her again, but I’ll never forget how she treated me more like family than my parents ever had,” he said, stepping down from the stage.

He found his seat, right beside his father and for the rest of the evening. His father’s hardened gaze remained on him for the entirety of the funeral.

The pastor had brought the night to an end with some final words. The man didn’t have any intent on staying longer than necessary, making his way out of the funeral home before someone could catch up to him.

A breeze that smelled of pine picked up in the air, tossing his hair across his face. Autumn leaves, shifting hues of yellows and reds danced on tree branches. Some leaves had already begun to brown and die, though the strong coniferous of the surrounding forests stood tall and strong.

Upon starting up his car, the man saw his father exit the funeral home, looking around frantically for a man who barely considered his family his own. His engine sputtered into a roar, their eyes locking momentarily until he drove off.

Roads changed from bumpy to smooth and then bumpy again as he found his way to his destination. Parking his car on the cliffside behind a large, white house. He exited the car, inhaling the cold air of the night, sitting on the hood of his vehicle. He hugged his arms, looking up at the moon high in the sky, its light soft against his face.

This was the same spot he had met her just weeks prior to her death. He had showed up to his father’s new family home uninvited. There was something bitter in his heart when his own dad couldn’t recognize his face for a moment. His arrival stirred up drama between his father and his spouse. The two argued for hours while the man made himself at home in a house he wasn’t welcomed.

He made himself a bowl of candy and meandered throughout the home until he found his way to the backyard. The house was built on the side of a tall cliff by the oceans, waves beating down on the sharp rocks below. He sat down, dangling his legs off the cliff while eating the candy he had taken.

After only a few minutes to himself, a thump could be heard from behind. He turned to see a young girl in a soft blue dress smack into the glass doors. She fumbled around with the handling, taking a moment for her to figure out her way outside. She waved cheerfully at the man, sitting down beside him and carefully putting her legs over the edge too.

She glanced around for a few moments. “I thought it was pull.” she spoke suddenly. The man beside her didn’t reply, silently chewing on the stolen candy. “What?” he asked. “The doors? I didn’t realize I had to push,” she answered. He looked at her through the side of his eyes, “Don’t you live here?” he questioned. “Well, we just moved in like, a week ago–and my parents don’t let me come outside much anyways,” she replied.

Silence came between the two once again, until she eyed his candy bowl, attempting to snag a piece when he stopped her hand half way. “It’s mine anyway,” she countered. Convinced, with a heavy sigh the man’s hand retreated allowing the girl to happily eat away at the candy.

“So, you’re technically my brother right? I was listening to my parents fight for a while and what else am I supposed to do but eavesdrop, am I right?” she grinned. He exhaled, struggling to hold his tongue and considering leaving. “I’ve always wanted a sibling,” she continued, chewing loudly. “I knew wishing on stars worked.” she huffed triumphantly. “Sure you’re not exactly what I expected, but a brother is a brother! You smell disgusting though.” she finished off.

“Just finished a pack,” he explained. She stared at him for a second, “That’s not good for you, you know,” she said. “You could get cancer from that.” she informed him. He rubbed the back of his neck, “Bummer,” he replied curtly. “It is,” she explained.

The man looked down at the girl, realizing what she meant. “Oh… I’m sorry,” he muttered. She shrugged, “It’s fine. Not like you can do anything,” she said. “My mom says I’m like the cedar trees! Tall, strong, and never wilting!” she exclaimed. The man chuckled softly, nodding his head, “Yeah? That’s nice,” he smiled.

Sitting outside and eating sweets was a nice way to pass the time. The young girl loved to talk and quite frankly, wouldn’t stop even if she had been asked. As the day’s sun began to set, their breathing condensing into little clouds, she was called back inside. She waved a curt farewell to the man, soon returning inside.

Ever since meeting her, he felt inclined to come back. Their time spent together was blissful, some of the most joy he had felt in years had been spent with his sister. Though, life always seemed to cut people down in their highest moments.

Standing at the door of his sister’s home and finding her sobbing mother wasn’t kind on his heart. He was used to losing to the cruelty of the world, but this kind of pain was something purely similar to torture.

Now he sat alone by the cliffside. Small, red flowers closed tightly with the full moon overhead. He felt terrible that so many in the world would never get to know her warmth, but he was glad he had the honor of meeting her. And now he promised, “I’ll remember you always, Poppy.”