Out of the Darkness

My world is dark and warm. I open my eyes and blink, but I can see nothing as the warm liquid flows over my body, and the gentle rocking and swaying lulls me back to sleep. I try to fight the sleep for a moment, then give in and close my eyes once more.

I am dreaming, I know I am because light is shining with an iridescent brilliance, flooding everything and changing the colors of everything hit touches. I am in a field filled with dazzling flowers. The colors are incredible, hundreds of tones and hues, each petal different. The scent of the flowers intoxicate me and I smile. I walk through the field, but I feel like am actually floating above the flowers at the same time. I can see the entire field, and I know that each flower is different. Not one petal is the same.

I awaken to the darkness, and the warmth, and muffled sounds of laughter and words spoken, although I cannot understand what is being said. But soon, I hope. This darkness can’t last forever, can it? I listen for a moment, and then stretch my legs. The voices stop for a moment and then I hear the voices again. This time I can feel the excitement and stretch again feeling the resistance of the invisible border against my feet. The murmur of a deep voice, and that voice that always fills me with peace, the lighter softer voice. When will I get out of this darkness, so soft and warm?

How long I have been in this darkness, I can’t say. It feels like eternity, but eternity is now only a tiny point in the distance invisible and yet real. So how long have I been in the darkness? It feels like only a night, but then everything around me is a dark night devoid of light. I know this is not forever. The dreams I have are real. There is light somewhere and I will need to find it soon.

I sleep and dream, the same dream. The dream is before this dark eternity. I am in the field of flowers again, and others like me are with me. We walk, we float, we sing and dance through the field of flowers, playing and laughing. Our voices are light. Our bodies are light. Our faces glow. Our bodies glow. Everything around us is made of light and beautiful. A gentle breeze flows around our bodies made of light. The scent of the flowers floats on the breeze and we are completely content to stay in our fertile flower field forever.

And yet I awake, and the dream seems only that, a dream. I do not know how I can imagine something so wonderful when all is so dark. I try to turn in my small dark world. It seems even smaller than before. How long before I can see the light? I hope it’s soon.

I sleep and dream, but this time the dream is different. We are no longer in the field of flowers, but in a great hall filled with light. Millions and millions of beings like me are singing and dancing and laughing until a light brighter and more beautiful than any other light fills the hall. We fall into an audible silence and move toward this incredible light.

Our names are called one by one and yet at the same time. I hear my name and move forward.

The light beyond all lights warms me and without a spoken word, I know. I will need to leave for a while, but I will be able to return soon if I remain faithful to the light. While I am gone, I will experience light, and I will experience darkness. But if I will remember the light, I will return to this place.

The promise comforts me, and the light blesses me before sending me away.

I awake to the frantic sounds and of the soft voice, no longer soft, but piercing in its intensity. The sound reverberates in my small warm home. I want to get away, but I cannot find the way out. There is no way out.

Then my home is no longer warm. The warm fluid flows away, my protective shield from the sound of the wailing was no longer there, and I can almost feel the agony. Then the walls of my home collapse toward me, squeezing me tightly. Am I going to die? Am I alive? I don't know. I feel something in my chest, speed up. Thump, thump, thump, the feeling washes over me and I shut my eyes tightly. The walls are crushing me. I can’t get away.

As suddenly as the walls collapse, they expand back. The thump-thump slows. I open my eyes, then shut them tightly. It is no use. I can't see anything. I can't escape the darkness.

Sleep. Maybe if I sleep. But I can't. I try, I really do. I start to drift into a fitful slumber, but the sound of the wailing begins again, stops for a time, then just as I relax and think it is over, the walls collapse again, tightening around me squeezing me, stretching me, forcing me to go where I am certain I do not want to go.

How long has this happened? I don't know, but it feels like eternity. I can't go on. I close my eyes, and wait for the end.

The squeezing is intense. The wails are louder, longer. I'm forced to leave my dark home.

Coldness hits me like a blow, but I am quickly covered by something warm, and a little rough. It's like nothing I've ever felt. I open my eyes.

The brilliance makes me shut my eyes quickly. I feel my mouth open and hear a wail. My wail. Too bright. It's too bright, but the brightness is not like the living light of my dreams, but a harsh glaring light tinged with too much yellow.

I keep my eyes shut. I feel myself lifted and then placed into a soft warm embrace. I hear the soft voice again, but this time it isn’t muffled.

I open my eyes and gaze up into shining eyes filled with tears and light.