Contest #37 winner 🏆

177 comments

Mystery

This is a story about the man who wants to kill you. I have my doubts, not about the man or about the story, but about you. I fear I do all this for nothing.

Listen: I would scream if I had a mouth. I have a story. So that is what I will use.

You have seen him before. He might as well live in your periphery. He is tall and seems to carry his weight in his chest and shoulders. He has a narrow waist and legs that taper down to small leather shoes. 

Not that you've noticed any of this before. You've been distracted, haven't you? If I told you this same man walked by your home every day, paused to peer into your window, you wouldn't want to believe me. But you couldn't say for certain that I'm wrong.

I'm not wrong. 

He might be very close right now. He might even be in your house. After all, there are so many excellent hiding places, aren't there? The back of a closet, behind the shower curtain, inside a cabinet…

But I'm getting ahead of myself. I promised you a story. And perhaps we still have time for it.

Understand: This man is not from your time. Spare me your disbelief. There are things beyond your comprehension. You are too old to think you know the universe.

Twenty years from now, this man lives on the coast with his five-year-old daughter. Their house, a patchwork creation of driftwood and corrugated metal, clings to the side of a rocky cliff. When the tide crashes in, the salt spray splashes against the windows. The sky is the color of steel, and the water is foam-flecked black. 

Everything is cold, harsh, and wet—except for inside the house. Warm yellow light spills out from a window, and a steady finger of smoke curls up from a slanted chimney.

Inside, the man reads to his daughter. He sits in a faded orange armchair by the fire, and she lays on her stomach in front of him, alternating her focus on the flames and the pages turning in her father's hands. 

"When you finish this story, can you read another?" 

He makes a show of looking at half the book that's still remaining and then looking back at her. "Already tired of this one?"

She shakes her head. "No, I just don't want this one to be over. I don't want them to ever end."

He smiles and agrees, even though he knows she'll be asleep long before he'll have to pick out a new book. He knows how she feels. He doesn't want any of this to be over. He wants to hold onto every second, close his fingers around them and keep them safe, keep them from marching on.

And it is at that moment that everything goes white—a blast of blinding light that disintegrates the scene into dust—and then fades.

When the man comes to, he is wedged into the cliff's face, soaked, hanging a few feet above the waves. Above him, the remains of his house: a couple stumpy wooden beams and one amputated orange limb of his armchair. Below him, inky black ocean.

His daughter is gone. He will search for her for a long, long time. 

What he finally finds is not what he is looking for. He discovers a way to go back. But innovation is never as neat as any of us would like. He can only travel back a set number of years, way before his daughter is born.

So before he goes back, he does his homework. He researches. He spends hours in the archives of war museums, flipping through files, searching for someone new.

Searching for you.

And then he makes the leap, jumps back a few decades, emerges the same, if a little nauseous for a spell, into a world transformed. The colors seem brighter here, the smiles wider, flashing ferociously, the eyes emptier and hungrier.

But of course that's what he would see. Him, an interloper. Here, a brave old world.

On his third day back, he finds you, speaks to you. He asks you for the time. His hands are trembling; his eyes never leave yours. Do you remember? It was a year or so ago. 

Your paths keep crossing, but he gets more cautious, becomes a flickering shadow, in and out of the corners of your life. Waiting. Watching.

So where is he now? Soon you might know better than me. 

He is tightening his resolve now, like a noose. 

Listen: You killed this man’s daughter. Not yet, not now. Twenty years in the future. Will it make you feel better if I say it was for a “cause”? Or for the “greater good”? It’s true. At least it’s true that you’ll tell yourself that when the time comes.

I understand you are not a killer. Neither is this man with the wide shoulders and tiny shoes who may be in your house right now. But the years change us. Stories change us. You will be protecting your family, your friends, when you send bombs across the sea. And he thinks, by killing you, he’ll be avenging the memory of his daughter.

Maybe you still don’t believe me. But think: Is there a limit to what you would do for love? Is any price too high to pay? You will have an answer for that soon, in the trying years ahead, whether you can face it now or not.

You two are very similar. Do you find that interesting? Relevant? Perhaps not. You both love words and tales and the drama, mystery, and madness of being alive. 

See: His story is partly your story, too. 

But no more of this. I fear it may be too late, and I’ve done all I can. Please, listen

Not to me.

A sound. Can you hear it? It’s inside your home. Maybe the creak of a door or a soft muffled step on the carpet. Or a shallow inhale of breath that’s not yours...

He is there, right now. Do not run. Do not call for help.

Remember the story. He doesn’t want this one to end, not like this—and not deep down, not where it counts. Do you? 

The shadow in the corner. It’s not a shadow.

Okay. Your move.

April 15, 2020 02:39

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177 comments

Julie Squires
23:07 Apr 28, 2020

Really great piece of writing - truly awesome. :)

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Maggie Deese
17:39 Apr 28, 2020

Wow, Hayley!! This was an absolutely incredible story. You swept me up in your details and your great author voice. Keep up the amazing work, you're going places!! :)

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Irham Khimji
14:36 Apr 28, 2020

Amazing! I was hooked from the beginning.

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Jugad Singh
13:42 Apr 28, 2020

Wow. I'm at a loss of words after reading that.

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Nicole Escorial
07:13 Apr 28, 2020

Wow. Just... WOW. You have a very unique way of narrating a story, and it's just brilliant. I've read your piece twice, and with no doubt do it again because my mind was just blown over its beauty. The storyline's so perfect, and the narration—out of this world. The way you used the perscpectives: first person, second, and third person was impeccable. I thought at first it would mess the storyline up, but it didn't. It just made the readers understand the story more deeply. The suspense—it was killing me! I've read this for the first time...

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Tammy Tsang
06:26 Apr 28, 2020

Congratulations on your winning short! As I was reading, I was wondering if perhaps the leading voice was the protagonist in the future coming back to warn himself. I also wondered if the voice might belong to death or a form of death personified, speaking with the protagonist. However, the further the story went, the more intrigued I was with the drama and life of the antagonist character (the "man"). It also made me curious if one might draw from the story the idea of fate, destiny, and changing our futures. Would what the protagoni...

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Abigail Schulte
06:12 Apr 28, 2020

Absolutely beautiful writing, congratulations on your win! You should be proud:)

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Naomi Coffman
06:09 Apr 28, 2020

Amazing. 'Brave old world' is a glorious line. Thank you for this!

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Naomi Coffman
06:09 Apr 28, 2020

Amazing. 'Brave old world' is a glorious line. Thank you for this!

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Ainsley Heffern
20:35 Apr 27, 2020

Omigod! I just love this story. It's frightening and mysterious and sometimes you just can't quite tell what's going on. I love stories like this and wouldn't be surprised if you were able to turn this into a book! This is like a version of Stranger Things, except written down. Congrats on winning!

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Adrie Byman
15:45 Apr 27, 2020

Great story! What a chilling hook. I loved every bit of it. Congrats on winning!!

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Jemi Valcarcel
11:46 Apr 27, 2020

Woww!

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Gideon Gichohi
23:24 Apr 26, 2020

I kept thinking of Timeless...then at the end I asked myself, "How was the writer able to scare me?" "Check..." came the reply My move. And I laughed out loud. Great!

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Gideon Gichohi
23:19 Apr 26, 2020

I kept thinking of Timeless...then at the end, I asked myself, "How was this writer able to scare me?" "Check..." came the reply. My move. And I laughed out loud.

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Moon B
16:15 Apr 26, 2020

Bone chilling to the core.

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Asposhto Prakash
15:07 Apr 26, 2020

Very well weaved. And thank you.. I understood something from your writing style.

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Rebeca Neamtu
09:54 Apr 26, 2020

Loved reading this, congrats Hayley!

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04:04 Apr 26, 2020

The language... so simple and easy to understand, yet so beautifully and descriptively written!

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MaureenJ Poutoa
03:48 Apr 26, 2020

Hi there, I found it to be real mysterious, I wanted to read more, the story had me in suspense. When you said your move it reminded me of a game of Chess.

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Amy Christensen
02:46 Apr 26, 2020

That was so well done and you pulled off the second person point of view. Wow! I loved it. It drew me in and made me feel unsettled. - Amy

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