Contest #37 winner 🏆

177 comments

Mystery

This is a story about the man who wants to kill you. I have my doubts, not about the man or about the story, but about you. I fear I do all this for nothing.

Listen: I would scream if I had a mouth. I have a story. So that is what I will use.

You have seen him before. He might as well live in your periphery. He is tall and seems to carry his weight in his chest and shoulders. He has a narrow waist and legs that taper down to small leather shoes. 

Not that you've noticed any of this before. You've been distracted, haven't you? If I told you this same man walked by your home every day, paused to peer into your window, you wouldn't want to believe me. But you couldn't say for certain that I'm wrong.

I'm not wrong. 

He might be very close right now. He might even be in your house. After all, there are so many excellent hiding places, aren't there? The back of a closet, behind the shower curtain, inside a cabinet…

But I'm getting ahead of myself. I promised you a story. And perhaps we still have time for it.

Understand: This man is not from your time. Spare me your disbelief. There are things beyond your comprehension. You are too old to think you know the universe.

Twenty years from now, this man lives on the coast with his five-year-old daughter. Their house, a patchwork creation of driftwood and corrugated metal, clings to the side of a rocky cliff. When the tide crashes in, the salt spray splashes against the windows. The sky is the color of steel, and the water is foam-flecked black. 

Everything is cold, harsh, and wet—except for inside the house. Warm yellow light spills out from a window, and a steady finger of smoke curls up from a slanted chimney.

Inside, the man reads to his daughter. He sits in a faded orange armchair by the fire, and she lays on her stomach in front of him, alternating her focus on the flames and the pages turning in her father's hands. 

"When you finish this story, can you read another?" 

He makes a show of looking at half the book that's still remaining and then looking back at her. "Already tired of this one?"

She shakes her head. "No, I just don't want this one to be over. I don't want them to ever end."

He smiles and agrees, even though he knows she'll be asleep long before he'll have to pick out a new book. He knows how she feels. He doesn't want any of this to be over. He wants to hold onto every second, close his fingers around them and keep them safe, keep them from marching on.

And it is at that moment that everything goes white—a blast of blinding light that disintegrates the scene into dust—and then fades.

When the man comes to, he is wedged into the cliff's face, soaked, hanging a few feet above the waves. Above him, the remains of his house: a couple stumpy wooden beams and one amputated orange limb of his armchair. Below him, inky black ocean.

His daughter is gone. He will search for her for a long, long time. 

What he finally finds is not what he is looking for. He discovers a way to go back. But innovation is never as neat as any of us would like. He can only travel back a set number of years, way before his daughter is born.

So before he goes back, he does his homework. He researches. He spends hours in the archives of war museums, flipping through files, searching for someone new.

Searching for you.

And then he makes the leap, jumps back a few decades, emerges the same, if a little nauseous for a spell, into a world transformed. The colors seem brighter here, the smiles wider, flashing ferociously, the eyes emptier and hungrier.

But of course that's what he would see. Him, an interloper. Here, a brave old world.

On his third day back, he finds you, speaks to you. He asks you for the time. His hands are trembling; his eyes never leave yours. Do you remember? It was a year or so ago. 

Your paths keep crossing, but he gets more cautious, becomes a flickering shadow, in and out of the corners of your life. Waiting. Watching.

So where is he now? Soon you might know better than me. 

He is tightening his resolve now, like a noose. 

Listen: You killed this man’s daughter. Not yet, not now. Twenty years in the future. Will it make you feel better if I say it was for a “cause”? Or for the “greater good”? It’s true. At least it’s true that you’ll tell yourself that when the time comes.

I understand you are not a killer. Neither is this man with the wide shoulders and tiny shoes who may be in your house right now. But the years change us. Stories change us. You will be protecting your family, your friends, when you send bombs across the sea. And he thinks, by killing you, he’ll be avenging the memory of his daughter.

Maybe you still don’t believe me. But think: Is there a limit to what you would do for love? Is any price too high to pay? You will have an answer for that soon, in the trying years ahead, whether you can face it now or not.

You two are very similar. Do you find that interesting? Relevant? Perhaps not. You both love words and tales and the drama, mystery, and madness of being alive. 

See: His story is partly your story, too. 

But no more of this. I fear it may be too late, and I’ve done all I can. Please, listen

Not to me.

A sound. Can you hear it? It’s inside your home. Maybe the creak of a door or a soft muffled step on the carpet. Or a shallow inhale of breath that’s not yours...

He is there, right now. Do not run. Do not call for help.

Remember the story. He doesn’t want this one to end, not like this—and not deep down, not where it counts. Do you? 

The shadow in the corner. It’s not a shadow.

Okay. Your move.

April 15, 2020 02:39

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177 comments

Shazzmmin Gould
16:27 May 18, 2021

At the beginning, I like how it seems like you are talking to the reader. Its like I can picture myself in the story which is better for imagination. Its creepy but not scary it was really a mysterious story. Little things in the story were suspenseful which was great kept me wanting to read more. The opening bast was the best of this story. Good story from start to finish very spooky.

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14:47 May 18, 2021

Firstly I want you to know that your story was absolutely amazing it was just the right amount of Engagement that I needed in a short story. I also loved your introduction of your story, I thought it was brilliant how you Introduce the story and I also thought it was engaging and mysterious. And can I also say I loved that you as an author used both 2nd and 1st person, I thought it made your short story even more engaging. Now of course If you want to give some pointers regarding your Short story. Now don't get me wrong I loved your short st...

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Shadow Afton
19:22 May 13, 2021

i love this story

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Crazy Videoholic
12:19 May 06, 2021

Can I narrate and post this story on my youtube channel? I'll keep your name as a credit for the story. Plz reply...?

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Xavier Guzman
18:48 Apr 30, 2021

I really liked how you started off your story it is amazing and I like the suspense that you added to it. I was scared and looked at all the place that you said he might be hiding. I had chills all over my body and it was really terrifying. I cant wait to read more of your stories.

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Abraham Trejo
17:23 Apr 29, 2021

Great story and I would say the best thing about the story is that you kept me involved in the story and kept me thinking so I was never bored. Your tittle was really good it caught my eye and was the main reason my I picked your story to read your hook or opener was amazing and then cliff hanger ending was really good. If you could work on one thing is probably doing a little better on describing the setting of a place I'm pretty sure that wasn't your main focus of this story but if I could give you one thing to work on it would be to work ...

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Grace Cattell
13:52 Mar 01, 2021

the is good

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Chimmy Mochi
12:51 Jan 07, 2021

I loved it a looott hayley, you have SUCH A GREAT TALENT!!!! I wish you all the best in whatever projects you have upcoming 👍😄😄😄❤️💖

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Sunny 🌼
23:37 Oct 25, 2020

I. AM. SHOOK! That story gave me chills! I'm looking around my room right now hoo boy. I liked how well this story flowed, and the mysterious tone of the story was awesome! It was so fun (and scary) to read!

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Tvisha Yerra
03:11 Sep 26, 2020

Agh, I read this way too many times. Still makes me doubt the shadows in the corner of my room.

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Sabrina Chen
01:42 Aug 31, 2020

Woah, this gave me chills. Now I'm having an existential crisis and looking over my shoulder...

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00:49 Aug 31, 2020

THIS WAS AMAZING!

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John Del Rio
02:37 Aug 26, 2020

so well written. no wonder you emerged victorious in this contest. i like the way you handle time travel in your story. it's not as precise as the De Lorean and Flux Capacitor. the villain (is he really though?) has to try and try again to get where he needs to go. of course the reader is inclined to sympathize with the protagonist -Hero-(but is she really?) if the story was from the villains' point of view - i can see him as the hero-. i like that the question : " Is there a limit to what you would do for love? Is any price too high ...

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Nobody Really
16:18 Aug 02, 2020

Wow! This is definitely a one of a kind story! It makes you want more...

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ADHI DAS
20:25 Jul 22, 2020

Great job👍👍👍

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Adelaide Starmer
18:04 Jun 23, 2020

Hayley, excellent writing! I'm entertaining writing something for this week's contest. It's in second person. While I know what that is, I wanted to see a good example. Wow! is all I can say about "Your Move". Great story and you managed to capture second person perfectly. I'm definitely following you!

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Jessie Nice
09:51 Jun 13, 2020

Ah, this is amazing. Gripped from beginning to end x

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Hans B
16:07 May 22, 2020

This story was very well laid out. Right from the beginning, hooking the reader with a warning of their demise. Then a beautiful finish with an open question that only the reader can answer and leaving them with points to ponder. By no means an end of the story but a look at what possibilities the future could hold. What will you do now? Choose wisely.

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Lucy Iherb
20:20 May 19, 2020

I have nothing to say except: wow! and, you know, THIS STORY IS AMAZING I LOVE HOW YOU'RE TELLING ME ABOUT ME YOU ARE AMAZING HOW DID YOU DO THIS IT'S SO DESCRIPTIVE!

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Rhian Price
08:50 May 16, 2020

This was my first story read on here. The way you have with words, incredible. You had me hooked, from the first line, far beyond the finish of the final line. Awesome!

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