Staring Right at Me!

We sometimes fail to understand the importance and value of being mentored by respected sources, whether a specific person or more than one. Those very leaders are often right in front of us and play a vital role in our lives yet we fail to notice. Youth is wonderful but the wisdom developed through the ageing process holds greater meaning. I had and have so much to be grateful for but sincerely failed to see the light until I reached my early fifties. I should conduct a survey on this topic in order to know the length of time it takes for the average person in coming to terms with this form of realisation. They say 'better late than never" and I cannot put it in better terms as to how lucky I was in being born to parents I never quite understood or gave credit to for being the mentors they turned out to be. It's unfortunate we need to lose our creators in order to truly recognise their worth and the impact they leave behind for us to figure out. They gave us the tools; we just had to learn how and when to use them.

At one time my being raised in a strict Italian household posed for me exaggerated levels of turmoil and rebellion. I was definitely (and still remain today) the black sheep of the family. As the eldest of four sisters I took on the role as leader of the pack and fought to pave the way for more freedom.  Ironically now as I look back sixty plus years later and without it ever dawning on me, I ended up following the example of my parents in many aspects but with a little less rigidity. The famous quote "it's not what is said but how it's said" that holds a powerful meaning. Sometimes being too authoritarian backfired on my parents as evidenced by my numerous and frequent outbursts. It wasn't until I was subjected to that same reaction by my sons towards me that I genuinely understood the vicious circle of life.

My mom and dad immigrated to Canada from Italy in the mid fifties. They had been married for just a little over one year; mom and I arrived in Halifax by boat followed by a train ride to Union Station in Toronto. It was then and there that my dad first laid eyes on me as his firstborn. I was a mere six months old and could swear I still feel his first tight grasp until this day. It was a gentle but firm grip similar to how he attempted to raise me. It turned out I was likely the child no parent should be plagued with given my inquisitive nature, high energy and refusal to accept no as an answer to anything. How they even dared bring four more daughters into this world after how much I exasperated them both was often questionable. But back then they had limited knowledge as to birth control and the Canadian winters were far colder than they’ve been in recent years likely due to global warming.

Despite many years of clashes and disagreements, as time passed, I came to appreciate the humbleness of my parents. They shared in one strong similarity - that of stressing to each of daughters the importance of knowledge. To them knowledge was power; the not knowing was always considered a lame excuse. It wasn't out of the ordinary during our teen years to find us awake on school nights watching the nightly news with mom and dad at 11 pm. (while most kids were long fast asleep). Dad expressed frequently the importance of staying in the know as to world news and major developments. To him it was a form of education necessary in order to carry on intelligent conversations with people from all walks of life. Until this very day I cannot go to sleep without hearing the latest headlines, whether bad or good. I find the not knowing to be embarrassing and am always shocked with people that don't care to know. In fact dad had a tendency to make that same comparison when it came to travelling. To him visiting different places didn't mean going to an all inclusive resort but rather venturing out to see how the locals live. In fact I've adopted his method when travelling; I’m far more interested in mixing with the real people and not tourists. It’s the best form of exploring and exposure to different cultures. This aspect has rendered my trips beyond treasured and most memorable.

Both my parents had a greater vision for their children but we each failed to see that vision. We chose the safe way out - completing high school, getting married young and having babies. That pretty much summarises it for my siblings. In the alternate and after having endured a difficult marriage for a number of years, I chose to become single. I envisioned life as a greater adventure needing to be explored and I broke free to follow my path.  As a single divorced mom at 28 years of age, I raised two sons ages four and one and a half with little to no help including very limited support payments. It’s in having inherited from my parents many of the very guidelines and occasional restrictions that I managed to raise my boys to becoming responsible, well balanced, independent men. I'm proud of that accomplishment and grateful for the level of responsibility, honour, respect, and courage that wore off on me from them.  They were both my lifelong mentors in so many aspects yet I didn't come to terms with that until so many years later after numerous hurdles and obstacles. Some of my hardships could have been avoided if I had only listened to those that knew me; the set of eyes staring right at me. It took that long to see the light; I'm just grateful I came out of the dark and figured it all out. We need a better understanding to remove the blinkers, stay focused and open minded in order to succeed during our journey in life. This is what I'm eternally thankful for and cherish as my most valuable lifetime lesson.  I thank mom and dad for being who they were and in having instilled old fashioned values, manners and etiquette. Without their immense wisdom, hindsight, tenacity and dedication I wouldn’t be where I am today. The support given to me even when I was difficult and uncertain will never be forgotten. Above all I’m grateful in concluding that they in fact really did know me even when I believed and argued differently. I hated having to admit that my parents were often right but pleased that as a mom myself I’ve also been given that same ability. In turn I have faith that the same values are being passed unto my grandchildren. Life is a circle and we just have to keep it going.