Josh's Cave

“No Josh. Please, please,” she said through hard, broken sobbs. “You can’t go!” I just told her that I was joining the military. I knew I was going to join and I thought she did too. She is my girlfriend. I thought that she would pick up on something like this, I mean I've been talking about it for weeks, and I have already done all of the training. Girls are so weird sometimes, you think they know something but they're clueless. 

I know I have to say something to calm her down. I’m bad at comforting people but here it goes: “Anna, it’s ok. I’m going to be back before you know it, and if I die it’s going to be fine.” Did I really just say that? That's like the worst thing I could say to her right now! She looked shocked and heartbroken. “Okay look, I’m not gonna die. I have no plans to die, I promise.” That was better, right?

“No one ever does.” 

“What?” She breaks out sobbing again. This is kind of getting annoying but I need to remember that she's upset because I am leaving and that's kind of sweet. To be honest I didn't know that she cared about me this much. I mean, I know girls cry over nonsense stuff but this kinda feels good. 

“No one ever has plans to die, then they do.” Anna is literally clinging on to me now. If I don’t leave in the next few minutes I’m going to miss my train.

“Anna, come on. Look at me.” She finally holds the tears back and looks me straight in the eye. “I am going to miss you more than anything in the whole world, but I need to do this. I need to do it for me, but when I get back I’ll do everything for you. Just let me do this for me okay?” she nods. Finally, she's fine. “I’ll write to you every week, promise.” I lean in to give her a hug but she pulls me into a kiss. I didn't want this to last too long because I feel like some of the guys that were getting on my train were staring at me. That's the last thing that I need, being made fun of at our base. I finally pull away, hating to be the one that ends the kiss but I have to. 

I walk over to say goodbye to my mother, “Mom, it’s ok.” I can see the tears forming in her eyes. “Don’t cry. Please.” If I got onto that train, which is about to pull away, crying I would never hear the end of it and that is not how I am going to start my time at the base. My father died in the army when he was only a little older than me, so this is really hard on my mom. “Okay, you two look out for each other. Take care, and write me if you need anything, or if you don’t need anything still write to me!” I started walking towards the train, I was hearing a mix of I love yous, goodbyes and women sobbing. It was a pretty sad sight, so I got on the train as fast as I could, obviously not trying to make a scene. I hate to admit this but I have extreme social anxiety so making a scene would be a big deal for me. Talking to people that I don’t know scares me. I just hope this doesn't hurt me in the future. I don’t think it will. I mean it’s the army, you're not supposed to talk, right?

After about five minutes the train lurched forward and started to move at a steady pace. I found a little booth where I could sit by myself and write in my journal. I know writing in a journal is kind of a sissy thing to do but I like it because writing my thoughts all in one place helps me relax and teaches me to focus on the important things. At the top of my page I titled it day one - the train, I had nothing to write about because nothing happened yet. I think I should probably change into my uniform. I left my stuff in the booth and went to a restroom. I have to admit those uniforms are really hard to get on, but once you have it on, it’s the greatest feeling in the whole world. I've got to say that I’m obsessed with the hat. 

I walked back to the booth where I left my stuff and when I looked through the glass there was an older man sitting in it on the opposite side of my belongings. I moved out of the way of the glass and gave myself a mental pep talk. He’s just like you, no friends and leaving his loved ones to go and join the army. What's the worst that could happen? ... I’m not going to answer that. 

I slowly opened the door, walked in, and sat down on the opposite side of him. “Hey, I’m Rodger, ” he said with a warm smile. I think he could be nice. The least I can do is say hello and introduce myself. 

“I’m umm,” oh shoot, I forgot my own name. I’m Josh. He's Rodger and he’s not scary, but nice. I got this. “I’m Josh. Is this your first year?” That was a good starter question right? 

“No, I’ve been here for ages,” he said with a friendly chuckle. “What about you? You look pretty young, you couldn't have been here for more than a year or two.”

“Yes, I’m new this year,” my voice sounded steady, I think I am getting over my anxiety.

“This is going to be my first year as a general. Can I check your quadrant to see if you're with me?”I nodded while getting out my papers. I finally found the one that he was looking for and I gave it to him. “Look at that!”he said happily, “We are together! You know that just made my day, to know that I have a nice guy like you in my quadrant.” I smiled to show him respect and that I was happy too, then he said; “You should probably rest up. They need us to go straight into whatever they have planned for us tomorrow morning. I hope you’ve been training hard son!” He walked out of the booth taking his stuff with him so that I could rest. 

I don’t remember falling asleep, but the next thing I know we are at our base and unloading our things. I put my journal in my small backpack and walked as directed by Rodger. He let me have the cabin next to his shared with ten other men. It was already late at night and I know that we are going to dive in head first in the morning so I am going straight to sleep. 

In the morning I was up bright and early with the other men from my quadrant. From what I could gather, my quadrant and I were spies to go and seek out the other army's base which was supposed to be somewhere around here. We all set out with Rodger in the lead and me right behind him all the way. The terrain is rocky and there are deep canyons. Some of the canyons are so wide that we get to go down and check to see if there were any men or spys hiding. 

We have been out searching for hours so Rodger finally said that we could sit down and take a break which we all needed. We were drinking the water silently. It is the most peaceful moment of my life and I feel unmistakable joy. Rodger is the best general that anyone could ask for and I am so lucky to have him. As my mind was just starting to drift to Anna and my mother, Rodger said that it was time to move, so we all picked up our things and put them in our bags when suddenly Rodger fell. I was the closest to him so I picked his face up off of the muddy ground and could immediately tell he was dead. A bullet came straight through his chest. The only word that I can manage to get out of my mouth right now is: “RUN!”

I ran straight in one direction as fast as I could, then I spotted a small cave just big enough where I could slip into the shadow and not be seen. I ran to the cave faster than I had ever run in my entire life. Finally, I was there. I wedged myself in between two rocks that were in front of the entrance and I crawled as far back as the cave gose. I can hear the fighting of men outside the cave. The only thought that comes to my head is that I am a coward. That's all I am a stupid coward that runs from somthing that I shouldn't run from. I am avoiding all of the action and the fighting that I signed up for. Only later did I figure out that this was the worst mistake of my life.