My first prayer to God

Are you there, God? It’s me, Amber.

I am not sure if you know who I am, so maybe I should introduce myself to you. My name is Amber, well, my first name is Ruth, but my parents and friends call me Amber, which is my second name. I live in a small town, not too far from the city, I have a pet dog named Patches and I live with my parents. Patches is a Dalmatian dog I adopted at the animal shelter. He’s 4 years old as of today. I have a boyfriend, who believes in You, actually. I have been dating him for 3 years now. I am currently in high school, but I am about to graduate this year.

I must confess, I’m scared though, because my classmates all have a plan once they have graduated. I don’t however, but that’s because I don’t even know what I want to study. I like art, sports, animals and party planning. The bad news about my interests are: I cannot draw just anything that comes to mind, I have to physically see the picture I want to draw and also, my art teacher told me that I am not good at art. Apparently I don’t draw accurately.

With sports, I can only walk, I can’t run. I can’t even do the weight lifting exercises that my gym provides. You see, I had an injury when I participated in a race for my school. I twisted my ankle and pulled a muscle, so I ended up falling, scraping both my knees and my elbows. This ultimately made my school lose the house cup, so You can imagine my school’s reaction. I was shouted at by my own classmates, and even the teachers told me that I should never be involved in the sport industry.

Now moving on with animals…well, I love animals but for some reason, they don’t seem to like me as much. If I pick up a cat, I get scratched at. If I hug a dog, I get bitten on and don’t even get me started on a horse. I will just say that I won’t be going to a riding school anytime soon.

Lastly, about the party planning, I love the whole feeling of setting up a party for someone because I love to see the look on their face when they see their party. The problem here, is that I don’t know how to plan a party. You see, my mother is a party planner and she knows exactly how to set up and decorate for a party. I on the other hand, don’t have a clue where to start.

So the four difference career paths I’ve taken an interest to, don’t seem to be the careers I must study.

But the problem is, I don’t want to study anything else, I like those four career paths I’ve taken a liking to.

I don’t want to study any other career, like chemistry for example. Let me explain, a few years ago, my teacher told me that I should think about studying chemistry once I leave school, because I keep getting straight A’s for that subject. What she doesn’t realize is that the only reason I got straight A’s is because I studied, and also, my grandfather loved chemistry, so I learnt a lot from him. He taught me about the periodic table and all about the elements and compounds in chemistry.

Anyway…I can’t believe I am actually telling You about my life. You probably don’t even care. It’s okay though, I’m used to people not listening to me, but apparently You listen to everyone who prays to You. So here I am, with my hands together, praying, and I am not even sure if I am doing it properly.

I know I haven’t thought about You in years, or that You existed, since I didn’t even attend church as I was supposed to. Well, that isn’t completely true because I have not attended church since I was 7 years old. That was when I started school actually.

Oh wow! I can still remember my first day of school. I was a nervous wreck because I had to meet new faces in my class and I didn’t know anybody, but my grandmother told me that You were watching over me, and sadly, I didn’t believe her at the time. I should have believed her. The problem lied with my parents, they don’t believe in You. They don’t believe in any religion for that matter.

Whenever I brought up the topic of You, my parents would just tell me to shut up because You didn’t exist. If I so much as had a Bible next to me, my mother would tell me to give the Bible back to my grandmother. Oh! My grandmother was the one who lent me her Bible so I could read it, in case you were wondering. 

While I am on the topic of my grandmother, I must tell you, she told me many great events that occurred in the Bible, from the creation of mankind, from Adam and Eve I think it was, up until Jesus sacrificing himself for our sins.

My father however, told me that there was a lot of violence in the Bible, and I don’t mean two people punching each other. I’m talking about the kings, there were lots of them. They brutally killed so many people. I couldn’t believe my ears when I heard my father telling me how one king would kill another king or how a king would kill dozens of people. My father would continue to tell me that if I ever wanted to read the Bible, I would be reading a horror book – and I am terrified of horror stories.

So once again, I didn’t believe my grandmother when she told me about all the amazing and great stories from the Bible. I just thought that it was only stories and nothing more. I thought none of it was real. 

If I am to be honest with You, I didn’t believe in any miracles that happened in the Bible. I couldn’t believe that Jesus healed the weak or that he walked on water. I mean, he healed a man who could not walk? How was that possible?

Jesus healed so many people, and it was so unbelievable, I couldn’t believe it.

That is, until I saw two miracles happen with my own eyes. I am not sure if You know what I am talking about, so let me explain what happened in both of them. Let me just add quickly that these two miracles happened between last year and this year.

First, I was walking in the park with Patches, and suddenly, I heard a group of people cheering for someone. Curiosity got the best of me so I went to investigate and what I saw…I can only say that it was indeed a miracle. A woman who was in a wheelchair for about 20 years, stood up for the first time and she walked – walked! – to the fountain and back. Now at first, I thought it was some magic trick that these people were trying to pull off, but I was wrong. It turned out that I knew this woman, she used to work at a call center. She told me that she was in a car accident and that she was going to be in a wheelchair for the rest of her life. I felt sorry for her, but she told me not to worry as Jesus will heal her. As You can guess, back then, I didn’t believe her. Now, I physically saw this woman walking around, and the group of people were praising Jesus. They were all shouting up to the sky, praising Jesus in Heaven.

The second miracle I saw was a man, who had a demon possessing him. A minister was preaching to a group of people, me included, and as the minister prayed, the man next to me tumbled down to the ground. He was tossing and turning, rolling around on the ground. His voice however, as he hit the ground, changed. It creeped me out. I have never heard an evil voice like that in my life. Anyway, I want to move on from the voice I heard because it will give me nightmares. The minister walked up to the man and he prayed. I think he said “In Jesus name.” constantly. The man kept on moving around until eventually…he stopped. His eyes flew open and he slowly stood up. He looked up to the sky and thanked Jesus for removing the demon inside him. It turned out that this man was practicing witchcraft for about 10 years, and he wanted to stop. The man wanted to turn to You for guidance. He wanted to pursue his purpose You gave him. Curiously, I asked the man what purpose would You give him, but he didn’t answer me. He just kept praising Jesus, looking up to the sky.

Admittedly I found the entire ministry scary, so I didn’t attend another minister preaching. Also I should add, my parents caught me speaking to the minister on the day I went, so I was forbidden never to go to the preaching again.

But after seeing these two miracles happen, I knew I needed to start reading the Bible, but every time I opened up the Bible, I closed it. I couldn’t bring myself to read the Bible because I knew my parents would freak out, and I didn’t want to read about the violence.

I know however, that I will have to read the Bible someday, as it was my grandmother’s one wish…before she sadly passed away. Her death was sudden, I am still shocked that she isn’t here with me. Goodness, I still keep crying every time I think of her. She was one in a million…

Maybe she is in Heaven with You? Or maybe she is in the afterlife, as my parents have told me…

So I still haven’t read the Bible as of today, but maybe one day I will. Maybe when I move out of parent’s house, which I hope will be in the next few months. My boyfriend has found a place for him and I to stay at. It’s a small apartment, but it is big enough for the both of us. Actually no, scratch that, the place is really small and I fear that I am going to have to move back in my parent house again. I am comfortable in my parents’ house and it’s bigger, but I will add that my parents won’t want me to come back to live in their house.

So I am not sure how this is done, but can you please give me confidence to live with my boyfriend? He actually loves Jesus, and he wants me to love Jesus too. He hasn’t told my parents that he loves Jesus because then my parents would tell him to break up with me, and I can’t let that happen. I love him, with all my heart, and he loves me. Also he, along with my grandmother, are the only people who have called me by my first name. I would prefer if everyone called me by my first name, but I don’t want anyone to be angry at me. I know that Ruth is one of the chapters in the Bible, so I don’t want anyone to roll their eyes at me because I want to be called Ruth instead of Amber. I hope that on day I will be strong enough to stand up for myself.

I guess…I will leave it there. I am not sure if I prayed properly, or if I just annoyed You with my babbling, but thank You for listening to me. Maybe I will try to pray more with each new day, and also have more faith in You. I just have to pray when my parents are not home, but once I am living with my boyfriend, I can openly pray to You.

I hope that one day my parents will start praying to You, like I am doing right now, and that they will realize how absolutely amazing You are.

I will be back soon to speak to You, I hope. For now, thank You and goodbye.

I remember my grandmother told me to always end of my prayer off with these words specifically, so I will say this to end of my first prayer to You:

Thank you God for listening to me,

I pray that I will have more faith in You, even if my faith is as small as a mustard seed,

In Jesus name,

Amen.