All's Fair in Love and War

Submitted into Contest #148 in response to: Write about two neighbors who cannot stand each other.... view prompt


Fiction Romance Funny

This story contains sensitive content

**some explicit language and mature themes/situations**

Bang. Bang. Bang.

Boom. Boom. Boom.

I pause my movie and wait for the incessant noise coming from the apartment next to mine to stop. This is a nightly occurrence and it really puts a damper on my regularly scheduled Netflix marathons. I've tried and tried to be nice about it, but he's left me no choice tonight. I'm over it and today has already been a complete shit show, so honestly, being nice is no longer my forte at the moment. I unravel myself out of my fuzzy blanket and throw on the closest pair of pants I could find. Of course, it is the bright purple, polka-dotted pajama pants that my mother bought for me last Christmas. But it will do. At least I'll be comfy if I end up in jail tonight.

I knock on his door and cross my arms as I wait.

No answer.

My patience is wearing very thin, so I knock about 10 times in a row as hard as I can. The door opens and there he is. Wesley. The most inconsiderate, loudest, immature bas-

"What do you want now?" He said, rudely interrupting my internal monologue.

I plaster the fakest, cheeriest smile onto my face and look at him. "Hello Wesley. Can't a neighbor just come to visit without a reason?" I decided to mess with him a little before unleashing my wrath on him.

He looked me up and down. He looked back up at me with that stupid smirk. The same smirk that probably works on loads of other women. But all it does is make me annoyed.

"What's the matter, Polka Dots? Am I interrupting yet another one of your Twilight marathons?"

I glare at him. "No. That was last week. It's not your business what I watch anyway. I'm here because you need to chill with the noise. I've tried being polite, but those days are far over." I cross my arms again and I look him directly in his beady little eyes.

He pretends to shiver and his stupid face contorts into a scared expression just as fake as my smile from earlier. "Oh wow, Jenna. I'm so scared. Please don't hurt me. I'll be on my best behavior from now on. I wouldn't want to intrude on your boring, lonely nights anymore."

I scowled at him. I quite literally shoot him death daggers with my eyes. I imagined myself as a wild animal pouncing on him, causing him pain. "You are such an ass. You want war? Fine. It’s officially war and I’m coming for my reparation for having to deal with you as my neighbor.”

“We’ll see about that.” He remarks.

After I got back into my apartment, I sat back on the couch and brainstormed. How can I get back at him? What makes a guy like him tick? I fell asleep and dreamt of war. I also might have dreamt of throwing a live grenade at Wesley.

I had just got back home from work when I see a package next to my door. I don’t remember ordering anything, but sometimes my mother’s packages get sent here because she likes to mix up our addresses. I walk into the apartment and toss my keys on the table. I get the box cutter from the kitchen drawer and slice open the brown cardboard. The top of the box inside says it’s from a company called Fantasy. There’s a note on top that I take and when I read it, my face immediately turns into a scowl.

I thought you might need this. Consider this your reparation. I know you get lonely at night and it seems like you don’t “get out” much. If you know what I mean. Enjoy.

I rip open the box and see that inside is a vibrator. The design is purple polka dots. I pace back and forth. I need to show him it doesn’t bother me. That is how I believe I can win. I need to show him he can’t frustrate me anymore. I know what I have to do. I just have to make sure he can hear me enjoying his little gift.

I wait until I know he is home. I press my ear against the wall that separates my apartment from his. I hear the loud blaring of the television as it is turned on to some kind of sports game. It’s go time. I could easily turn the handheld, polka-dotted machine on and make fake noises, but what fun is that? I make sure my apartment is as noiseless as possible and then I get as close to the wall as I can. I lower the machine and I turn on the highest setting so it’s as loud as it can be. I don’t really need to explain the next parts, but I make sure to exaggerate my noises a little just so I can know for a fact he hears. I hear the television suddenly turn off and I know it worked. What I didn’t expect was the knock on my door.

I put away the gift and run to the bathroom to wrap myself in my robe. I look in the mirror at my now tomato red cheeks and my slightly disheveled, golden brown hair. What am I doing? What has this come to? I really do need to get out more. Wesley might be an ass, but he wasn’t completely wrong when he said that. I haven’t “gone out” with anyone for almost a year. It’s not like I can’t. I just haven’t tried or cared to. But I know now, after seeing how crazy I look in my small bathroom mirror, that this immature feud with Wesley has to end.

I open the front door and a mystified Wesley is standing before me. I feel my cheeks grow even more red thinking about what I did and how he’s looking at me. I expected to feel like a winner, but now I just feel awkward.

“Wesley, I-“

He cut me off by stepping forward and lightly pressing his index finger against my slightly parted mouth. If this had happened yesterday, I would have slapped the emerald green right out of his eyes. But the way he’s looking at me and the way his chest is moving up and down at a quick pace is plastering my feet right to the floor.

And holy shit. I am attracted to this inconsiderate, loud, immature man.

We haven’t said one word, his finger still glued to my parted lips. Our chests both moving rapidly as we stare into each other's eyes. The only sound is our ragged heartbeats.

One-second passes.

Two seconds. 

Three seconds.

And after what feels like an eternity, we hastily fall into a heated kiss. His arms wrap around my waist to pull me in closer and he turns me around so my back pushes the door closed. I wrap my arms around his neck and my legs around his waist as our kiss heats up even more, my back flat against the door.

And holy shit. I am kissing Wesley.

And holy shit. It is the best kiss of my entire life.

“I still hate you.” I say as I reluctantly break the kiss.

 He presses his forehead against mine and does the smirk that annoyed me so much, but now it only makes me wrap myself around him tighter. “We’ll see about that, Polka Dots.”

And then we kiss again.

May 29, 2022 10:36

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