Overcoming Her Obstacle

"What am I doing wrong?" Jasmine thought to herself as she heavily panted while trying to catch her breath.

Her soft wheezes could be heard from nearby but were drowned out by the firm stomps of several pairs of feet hitting the ground, each desperately pushing forward to get to the finish line before the other. Each step gradually got further away from her own, which had stopped in defeat. It was her first track meet, and she had already given up midway through the race. 

She didn’t know why she decided to choose track and field as an extracurricular. As many times as she thought out her reasons as to why she chose to do a sport that requires a lot of commitment instead of something easier, she simply assumed that since it indulged her interest, she was willing to try it out.

Jasmine Wilson was a short, yet rather big girl for her age, but never tried to let it get to her. As someone who consciously craved and ate nothing but junk food and sweets frequently, her body had taken a toll in response to her actions. Despite having to accept this part of her, it wasn’t an easy task. She often overheard her classmates say cruel things about her that were hard to not ignore, but she never took it to heart or at least forced herself not to. It was just their way of trying to tempt her. She knew this rather well, but she couldn’t deny the pain that lurked within the depths of her heart. 

She wanted to change. It was a plan that she negotiated with herself and decided that she was going to do something that really challenged her in a way she had never seen before. And just so happened while she was leaving out of school, she walked up to a flier on the door inviting people to try out for the school’s track team. Maybe, just maybe it was worth a try.

“..If it’s something that you truly want to do, then I won’t stop you, sweetie,” She recalled her mom responding with a reassuring hug, “No matter what, I’ll always be there to support your choices. Just please don’t overexert yourself. You know I can’t help but worry about you.”

“..I’ll be fine mom,” Jasmine looked up to her, confidently smiling. If she wanted to convince her, she had to convince herself first. “I think it’ll be really good for me!”

But despite saying this, the reality was hitting her, and it was hitting her hard. She started to question if she regretted her choice of deciding to do track because it felt like she stuck out like a sore thumb. She already knew other members of the team were much better, and definitely more experienced and fit than her and it would be nearly impossible to catch up to them. 

Track practices were much harder than she thought and very brutal. At least, that’s what it felt like to her. Maybe it was because she wasn’t used to it, but then again, when she observed her teammates, they were effortlessly working hard. She wanted to be like them and think in that mindset too. But it was difficult. Jasmine recalled gripping the railing for dear life as she was catching her breath midway through running laps on the school’s stairs. Every tap from the other’s footsteps that she heard was like a timer; her legs were burning in agony and her body was just about ready to give out. Her hands trembled as the burning sensation reached her eyes and left her just seconds away from crying. As hard as she tried, she found herself unable to keep up with the others.

“Ms. Wilson, do you have a goal in mind?” Coach Jones, the coach of the track team asked Jasmine when she stopped her that day after practice. She was known for being a sweet, yet hardcore woman when it came to something she was passionate about. When she looked at her, Jasmine knew she was kind, but at the same time, she felt intimidated by her. Because she was well aware that she was the rookie of the team and stood out despite how much effort she put in not to.

“Huh?” Jasmine turned towards her, not expecting such a question. If anything, she was expecting some sort of scolding for not finishing the laps.

“I just want you to think about that. What are you running for? Who are you running for? What will you get out of this experience, and how will that help your overall goal? These are questions that you really need to consider, Ms. Wilson.” The older woman placed a hand on Jasmine’s shoulder with a firm look. “You don’t have to answer me right now, but I look forward to finding it out from you.”

Of course, the girl did not think of this before. Sure, she had been wondering why she forced herself to join the track team, but she never really figured out what she was expecting out of this. Was she doing this to get fit? Or was it for her pride? Jasmine really didn’t know why she couldn’t answer the coach’s simplistic questions. Little did she know, there was more meaning behind those questions than she thought.

Currently, at the race, Jasmine continued panting, her violent breaths finally starting to find a more constant rhythm. Small beads of sweat slipped down the sides of her flushed face and dripped onto the faded letters of the high school track team’s uniform, which was loosely clenching to her skin. She could barely focus on the present moment because her heart was pounding too loud in her ears. Because she was trying to drown out the fact that she had given up quicker than she wanted. 

“..Wilson! Ms. Wilson, are you alright?” The familiar voice made her come back to her senses. When she looked up, it was the coach of their team.

“Coach?” Jasmine croaked out, and she looked like she was on the verge of crying. Coach Jones pulled her out of the way of the track where the other runners were already finishing their race and stood off to where they would have their privacy. Almost immediately, Jasmine slumped against the wall from both exhaustion and defeat and her face fell into her hands. “I can’t do this... I-I really thought I could, but this is too much, I should’ve just quit-”

“Jasmine.” Jasmine was cut off by the other woman’s voice. From her tone, she sounded angry. “Listen to me. How dare you give up like that? Do you really think that people are going to pity you because you allowed yourself to stop in the middle of the tracks and let people get ahead of you? Because sorry to tell you but no one’s going to. I’m not going to either. You chose this path and therefore you have to deal with everything that comes along with it.”

Jasmine slowly lifted her head, eyes wide with shock. She thought the coach came to reassure or comfort her, but this was on another level. 

And so, the coach continued. “You may not have been aware but I have been observing you ever since you’ve joined. I thought it was unusual that someone like you would join something as challenging and competitive as track and field, but something told me that you joined for a reason, and I wanted to see the extent to how much effort you would put into being here on this team. However, as determined as you may have seemed, you were also quick to give up. You would always stop and never attempt to continue, and that’s how people look down on you. They will get the impression that you’re the type that wouldn’t really put their all into doing something despite saying that you will. But remember, actions will always speak louder than words, and your actions seem more out of desperation and the want to be something that you’re not. You simply being here, present, in this meet, and not even finishing your first race says it all. You’re only forcing yourself to be here, aren’t you?”

Before she could answer, a tear slipped from her eye, and then another, and then multiple fell at once. It was then Jasmine realized that she was crying tears of frustration that she had been holding back for a long time. Why did it feel like the coach was only making her feel worse about herself? It was the exact thing that she had been trying to avoid.

“No! Why would you say such a thing? It’s just hard to keep up, that’s all!” The girl abruptly stood up, leveling herself with the coach with her head tilted up at her. Her voice trembled with anger. “I have been working harder for this than anything I’ve ever attempted to do in my life. I wanted to think, no I wanted to believe that I could change if I put my mind to it.” 

Coach Jones crossed her arms and Jasmine swore she saw her lips curl. “..See? And this is exactly what I mean. You say all of this, and let your actions do the opposite. We live in a harsh reality where we have to work hard to obtain what we really want. Don’t you remember those questions I asked you that day? I didn’t just ask you to get an answer out of you, I want to see your dedication towards reaching your goal no matter how difficult it may seem.”

Jasmine paused, wondering for a second what the older woman was talking about until it hit her. The sudden questions asked about her goals and why she was running and what she was doing it for were questions that were still left unanswered because Jasmine didn't know how to answer them. She couldn’t pursue them as easily as she thought she could.

Despite how much her stubbornness wanted to say otherwise, she knew the coach was right. But she also couldn’t deny the frustration and doubt that dwelled within her. Her fists consciously clenched into her skin while she swallowed back the rest of her tears, staying silent. This had to be one of the worst times of her life.

“Look, Jasmine.” The woman’s voice was still stern, but much more gentle. “I know you have the potential to overcome your challenges, but you need to grow more confidence in yourself first because that is the main thing holding you back. Believe in yourself and your ability to be successful in everything you put your mind to no matter how complicated it is and it’ll pay off eventually. Right now, this is just another obstacle that you need to overcome. See the other runners here effortlessly making it through the finish line? That’ll be you before you know it. I won’t force you to stay in track and field, but it would be a cowardly move to quit so soon.”

Jasmine gazed over and watched as a group of runners ran their last lap, noting their strong formation and overly confident steps as they reached closer and closer to the finish line. Did she really have the potential to be like them? Could she even put herself in the mindset of being able to change? All of these unanswered questions lingering in the air felt like a pool of murky water, unwavering and waiting to be changed.

But even though her insecurities and perplexities already settled deep within her, what she felt more than ever was determination. She wanted to prove that the coach’s critical words were wrong and that she was not a coward. She could really achieve much more if she put her mind to it, and she was more than aware of that. 

Jasmine took a deep breath and suddenly felt a weight of tension release from her shoulders for the first time in a long while. Sloppily wiping the tears away from her face, she locked eyes with the woman before her with a confident expression. She will get better, no matter how long or hard it may be. It was only the first step on her long journey after all. 

“I never planned on quitting, I just need some more practice to adjust to the races! I’ll get better in no time, and that’s a promise.”

Coach Jones breathed a light sigh of relief and smiled at Jasmine. “That’s what I like to hear. I’d suggest you start now by running some laps to make up for your loss then.”