One Week, One Month, and One Year

March 8th, 2018 (3:05pm)

The chill wind blew through Anya and I’s hair as we walked to the train station from school. It was one of those confusing spring afternoons where it wasn't quite Spring yet but not exactly winter either. I wore my medium denim shorts and my mom’s red hoodie. The hoodie was pretty big on me but I didn't mind.

Anya was telling me about how she kissed Connor Sinclair at Mckenna Antonelli’s fourteenth birthday party. Surprisingly, the only reason I didn't attend the party was because Mckenna didn’t seem to like me very much and not because I was monitoring Lionel every chance I got.

“You know that’s not true,” Anya said. Her bangs flew up as she blew on it. “Mckenna is just shy around new people.”

“Seriously, Anya? She has like a million friends. You’re just trying to be nice,” I said.

Anya stopped to pick up a fat worm off the side railing. After examining its brown slimy skin, she looked over at me and smirked. I knew what was coming next.

“Anya, you bitch,” I shrieked. The worm slowly slid off my hoodie and onto the ground.

Anya fell on her knees and started laughing. I couldn’t tell you what was so funny even if I tried. After calming down, Anya reached out to me and I helped her off the sidewalk. 

The worm laid on the cement covered in dirt.

“We should clean it off,” I said, grabbing my water bottle out of my backpack. I untwisted the cap and poured some of the water inside so I wouldn't accidentally waste too much water. After cleaning the worm off, it died. I drowned the worm.

“You didn’t mean to,” Anya said, placing her hand on my shoulder.

“Forget about Mckenna and the worm,” I said. “Tell me more about the kiss.”

Anya blushed and went through this elaborate story about how it all went down. She told me how Connor went up to her and asked her out. She saw his friends yucking it up by the fish tank and assumed he lost a bet so she rejected him. Later that night, he got her alone and kissed her to prove he was serious about going out with her, and with that, Anya was hooked.

“So he kissed you,” I asked. “Without consent?”

Anya shrugged, “It doesn't matter now, right?”

Except it did matter. I didn’t want my best friend to be in an unsafe situation. Especially since Connor wasn't worth it. He was a complete asshole who only cared about impressing his friends.

It was my turn to shrug, “if you say so.”

“Speaking of consent, are you going to movie night,” Anya asked.

“What does that have to do with consent,” I asked.

“We had to sign consent forms to attend.”

“True”

“So…”

Going to movie night sounded fun. The last time I went, they played Frozen. While all the younger siblings sang along to “Let It Go”, Anya, Kenneth, Jason, and I snuck into the art room and made ceramic penises.

Unfortunately, Lionel, my little brother, needed extra attention.

“I wish I could but I have to watch Lionel,” I said.

“Having a brother with Pyromania must suck,” Anya said, tagging the no-smoking sign once we arrive at the train station. Ironically, Anya is one hundred percent against smoking. Not only does it destroy your lungs, but it makes you smell like shit.

I, on the other hand, disliked smoking for obvious reasons. Fire. When I told people this, they thought I was scared of my brother. The truth was: I wasn't scared at all. Lionel was a good kid. I knew he’d never hurt me or mom. He just needed some guidance.

What I’m really scared of is what fire can do. It can erase everything in a flash. One second you’re there, the next, the fire is smothering you in its smooth motion.

“It’s not so bad,” I say, shrugging.

“Not bad,” Anya asks. “You basically had to give up your social life just so you can babysit some eleven-year-old.”

It’s true that I don’t do as much as the other fourteen year olds I know. I don’t go to parties, I don’t go to football games, or any school even for that matter. And honestly, I’m fine with that. I sometimes pretend to be annoyed but that’s just a cover. The fact is: I’m totally lame.

“I get it, Anya. Seriously, I do. But I have no choice,” I say.

Anya rolls her eyes and shoves her black sharpie back in her book bag. I can tell I’m annoying her. Anya has two little sisters that are perfectly well-behaved. It’s easy for her to think I’m being overly cautious.

“What are you doing tonight anyway,” I ask.

Anya shrugs, “I was planning on sneaking to the music room and stealing a recorder but I guess I’ll hook up with Jason instead.”

“Jason? As in your Ex-boyfriend Jason? What about Connor,” I asked.

“God, Prudence,” Anya said. “I’m just kidding.”

March 8th, 2018 (3:25pm)

Twenty minutes later, Anya is trying to convince me to go to movie night.

“What am I supposed to do,” I asked. “Let him burn the whole neighborhood down?”

Anya and I were finally on the bus, watching the city go by. I let the AC dry the sweat off my forehead.

“Hey! Give your brother some credit. I know things have been shaky in the past but he’s better now, right? He has that therapist,” Anya said.

“Yeah he does but it’s still new,” I said.

Lionel has been seeing Mrs. Hogan for about a month now. I don’t know what goes on in that room for confidentiality reasons but I think it’s working.

“Prudence, I’m so done with this,” Anya said.

My heart sinks but I try to not let it show. The last person who talked to me like this was Kenneth.

“Done with what,” I asked, but I already know.

“The excuses,” Anya said. “It's hard to be your friend when the only time we see each other is at school.”

“We see each other here too,” I said.

Anya closes her eyes and presses her head on the seat. “That doesn’t count.”

The rest of the ride home is silent.

I hate making Anya feel this way. I want to hang out outside of school and do stupid stuff with her skater friends but I can’t.

When the bus stops Anya grabs her bag and walks off the bus without a goodbye.

Goodbye, Anya! I’m sorry for being a terrible friend.

March 9th, 2019 (3:46pm)

One week after Anya and Connor kissed, they started dating. One month after Anya and Connor kissed, Connor told her he loved her. One year after Anya and Connor kissed, they had sex.

One week after Anya and Connor kissed, Anya decided to ditch me at the public pool because Summer, the most popular girl at school, invited her to her exclusive pool party as Connor’s plus one. One month after Anya and Connor kissed, I met Samantha and called her my best friend. Anya didn’t care. One year after Anya and Connor kissed, Anya left me for good.

One year and one day after Anya and Connor kissed. I sat alone in my room holding a box filled with Polaroids of me and Anya. They go all the way back to second grade, the year we met.

I don’t remember the exact moment Anya and I became friends, but my earliest memory with her was when I was over at her house.

We were weighing ourselves because it was raining and we had nothing better to do. I always thought I would weigh less than her because I looked smaller in the mirror. In reality, we both weighed exactly fifty-five pounds. I guess looks can be deceiving. Just like words.

I’m not replacing you, Prudence. Things are just different now. You’re not my number one anymore but you’re close! Really close! Just give it time, okay,” Anya asked.

Okay, I said.

I felt like an idiot. Actually no, I was an idiot. I couldn’t believe I stuck around for so long.

I felt so much rage that I could smell the smoke coming out of my ears. Except, it wasn’t coming from my ears.

It’s coming from Lionel’s room.

March 9th, 2019 (4:46pm)

Our house lit up like a torch in the darkness even though the sun hadn't fully set yet.

The whole neighborhood gathered around the front yard as the firefighters extinguished Lionel’s room. Mom looked over at me and signaled me to come over but I didn't. Instead, I ran.

Everything was gone. I had nothing left of her. Except...

One week before Anya and Connor kissed, I told Anya I loved her. One month before Anya and Connor kissed, I held Anya’s hand. One year before Anya and Connor kissed, Anya kissed me.

And I kissed her back.