The Events of Earth

“Don’t you remember?” They all stared at Freddie, as he silently slurped the last of his coffee. He knew they’d ask him some day. But he hoped it wasn’t today, or any other day. Before he knew it, he was left scrabbling round his empty mind in search of a missing memory he’d hoped never to repeat itself again. Hopefully, he had left it in the last place he visited; the far corner of his mind. 

“Oh, you must have remembered it, Fred, it was bigger than last Christmas.” Bernadette had always had a strong memory. It was almost impossible for her to forget to buy the bread, or to put the rubbish out. She always got it right with historical dates and would correct her teachers on the battle of Hastings. 

“Christmas! I can remember that holiday,” rattled George almost swallowing his words. “It’s such a shame it went out of style.” Bernadette slowly turned her attention towards George as he tried to remember why the festive season lost its spark. “Yes, I think it was because Santa Claus, sent some very unusual presents to the children.” That must of been the reason. “No, no, that was Donald Trump, George,” reminded Bernadette. That seemed to make more sense now. 

Freddie stroked his chin as he continued his search. The Earth had been through many unusual events, some he remembered, some he vaguely remembered, and some walked out the door before they even entered. If only Apple had kept the Memory Cap in stock, it would have saved a lot of trouble, as Freddie was never a man of memory. 

Suddenly, he found something. A memory began to itch against the border of his head. It bubbled in his brain, till it rose to the surface. Eureka. “That’s it,” blurted Freddie slamming his hand against the wooden table. “I know what this is all about.” They all gathered round, as Freddie wiped a coffee smudge off of his upper lips. “It’s Tescos isn’t it,” he said! “You’re still angry at them for not allowing you to park your electric scooter in the car parking area!” He was pretty sure she’d had an electric scooter. 

“Freddie,” bellowed Bernadette! Her face slowly began to grow a faint reddish colour. She stared at the magnificent memory man, as he reached his hands into his pockets, rummaging round to find something he’d lost around ten days ago. Or was it now eleven? “That never happened, Freddie.”

“I’m pretty sure it did, Bernadette,” said Freddie. “Because I can remember the traffic warden sticking a ticket on the scooter’s handle bars. It was quite pricey I thought, specially for an electric scooter.” As far as Freddie’s logic went, he saw no difference between electric scooters and cars, they both had wheels, they were a form of transport, and they were safe to drive, depending on the driver. 

“I always thought Bernadette was the last person to do something as idiotic as that,” mentioned George trying to piece a picture together of Bernadette jay-walking through town on an electric scooter. “She’s always seems to be the sensible one between the two of us.”

“I am the sensible one,” corrected Bernadette before quickly returning back to Freddie who’d just managed to find a left over wine gum, stashed away in a crinkled sweet wrapper. “Bernadette,” said Freddie, sucking the remaining content of the soggy sweet. “I can…remember seeing…your scooter parked in the….family parking area….. I can’t remember how many tickets it had by noon…..but by then, it got clamped.” 

“Clamped,” said George in shock! 

“Yes, that’s how I remember it.”

“Well, I can happily say to you, that never happened, Freddie, because you can’t clamp an electric scooter.” Bernadette was just on the brink of losing her mind. A rush of frustration flowed through her, as she tried to remember her recent lesson from her Mindfulness app. She breathed deeply. How could someone as sensible and as logical as herself, could possibly do something so foolish. After all, this was never in her behaviour. She could remember when she was four and three-quarters her mum would say to other frantic parents, with misbehaving children, “My Bernadette is four going on forty.” 

Nothing Freddie was saying was making sense to her. Had she really changed?

“Yeah, that’s right, I remember now, Fed,” included George. “It got towed away in the end and was later sent for scrap down at the scrap yard.”

“That’s it, George, exactly it! Don’t know why Bernie still can’t remember it.”

“Because I don’t remember it. You know me and memory, George?”

“Yeah, your mind’s sharper then Freddie’s old car, when he realised he’d accidentally parked it into the Tesco trolly drop off.” 

The sudden silence fell upon the three friends. Bernadette slowly raised her head towards George, who was completely oblivious to what he’d just said, before realising a few moments later (ten minutes actually) that he’d just stumbled onto the true story of the Tesco trouble maker. 

“I remember it now,” said Bernadette, before slowly diverting her attention towards Freddie, who’d just gulped the final remains of his wine gum. “You drove your car into the Tesco trolly drop off, didn’t you, Freddie?”

“I don’t actually remember that,” hesitated Freddie, racing through his mind for another memory. So far, another error, and a black screen flashing a warning sign. 

“No, it was you, I remember it well now, it was July the 13th, during that heat wave, and you were craving for an ice lolly.”

“And some cigarettes,” included George as the memory repeated itself.

“Yes, alright, George, you then received numerous amounts of complaints by both Tesco staff managers and their customers. But you just did nothing about the situation.” 

“That’s why your car is now stuck at the scraps with a bright yellow clamp waiting to be torn to mini shreds.”

By the time they realised the truth, Freddie had gone. The remaining two were left to their affairs. The truth was out.