The Voice

“We are running out of time” soft but cold feminine whisper echoed. “We are running out of time” the gentle voice reverberates. Couldn’t figure out where it is coming from or from whom it was coming but there is a hint of terror in the warning not in a way that frightens me. Instead, I could empathize the fear in the voice. All I can see was tons of tunnels around me all equal in circumference also big enough for me to squeeze through, no ends or beginnings. But each has a different appeal to it, few have a rough inner surface and is pitch black, some have poking needle like protrusions and exposure of sunlight inside, the one near that is wet and spooky and so on. I should be bewildered; I must be questioning myself with “where am I? How did I end up here? What has happened? ” but I didn’t because somehow this place feels familiar, like all along I have been here and knew I would end up here. I feel strangely in place at the same time securely disoriented. But still I don’t know how I came here in the first place or how to get out of here or even more important than that, is there a reason that I’m here? I must find a way out; there must be some way out. Maybe I should follow the voice so I could get to its owner, then she could help me. I entered the tunnel right next to me it was smooth enough that I didn’t stumble much, though It was dark I am able to locate the space around to keep me moving forward. The air is cold, not the one you sense through your skin rather I feel it in my guts. I kept walking, it doesn’t seem like the tunnel ends to an open space as I find no rays of light coming in from the far side. Maybe I should probe more this could be a long tunnel. Suddenly, I found myself aghast I cannot move forward anymore as if there is an invisible door. And yes, there is something but not quiet invisible and not a door. It is a vague shield more like a huge version of peephole; peeping into a growlery. And I could see something no someone; it’s a petit and fragile women by looking at her surrounding the vanity, mirror, closet and her sleek style she seemed like an actor. It is unbelievable to meet such a woman in a place like this. Our gaze met; holding scripts in her hand there was despair in her eyes. “Just start Rebecca, you will be fine” she said. I don’t know what that means but I rambled asking “Who are you? How did you know my name? Do you know the way out?” It is like she is on the other side of a glass shield.

 The women answered as if she was waiting for my encounter “I was trapped here many years ago. Back then I was this famous actress, Hollywood type. I was too good at my job, signing big projects with prominent directors. I was at the peak of fame in my early thirties. But then one day, I heard it “The voice”. I felt this intense void in my stomach and I couldn’t breathe and the next thing I Know I was much younger in my early twenties stalling in my apartment. I didn’t know what or how that happened I thought all that was a pleasant dream. So I carried on living in my apartment in this big city full of hope. I was crashing various auditions and did petty jobs just to make ends meet. Once in a while I use to remember her, the actress or maybe I imagined her. It was a time in my life when I had doubts and questions on “how am I going to make it?” I was thrilled on what is to come upon my future and also excited. But then I heard it “The voice” felt the same void in my stomach and suffocation. It was like I could feel the gravity. Someone was pulling me hard. At the very instant I am this small girl in her teens jumping around entertaining her family. I was radiant; I was always the party clown doing skits, mimicking my brother to annoy him. I was certain, of what I’m capable of. I carried the weight of huge dreams in my eyes so effortlessly. As a little girl I had this absurd picture of a fabulous women as if it was a memory note planted in my mind, she was a star. Unfortunately, it was not too long before I heard the voice again. And that was the last time I ever remembered her, the actress. Next moment she was gone, vanished. For the first time I started following the voice and here I am all these years. “But it is you. You are that actress, at least that’s how you look now” I exclaimed. “Only you can see me that way but I can’t my time has long gone” she gasped. “How did the Voice call you?” I prompted curiously. It said “We don’t have what it takes; we don’t have what it takes” she said. “Alright then why is that now, only I can see you as the women you were, an actress?” I questioned in confusion. “Isn’t that your quest to unfold, Confront the voice and be bold you may find it?” she turned back into her mirror and her Room started to disappear and I fell forward as the darkness of the tunnel filled in the actress’s place. I have lot of questions to ask her, now there is no way I could.

This is bizarre; I should get out of here. I see another tunnel with some light coming in; which means there must be a way of out into the open sky. I entered inside; this one is rough and spiky. I kept walking and dragging but there is no end to it, even the path in itself is monotonous with no twists and turns. After hours of walking I came to what appears to be a little garden more precisely a patio, it was actually the end of the tunnel. There is an old lady sitting peacefully, nose stuck inside her book. There are papers lying around everywhere, she has her laptop laid on the table and a pencil. I walked towards her but I cannot move an inch. “Be patient and for once instead of making life plans let life make plans for you” she said not bothered by me standing there frozen. “Uh sure” I agreed. “So are you trapped here too” I questioned. “Trapped!” she smirked “I am confined”. “Where is this place anyway? How did the Voice lured you here?” I shot her with questions. “Oo have some Patience Rebecca, being fierce is necessary but letting yourself breath is an essential” she said. “I was a writer, authored few bestselling books. Regardless of being successful or not I slept without any regrets in life. Extremely modest and deeply content life, that was all I could ever ask for” She sighed. “But for a period of time it was like I am not even there in someparts. Not figuratively or metaphorically instead as if I was not true in existence to even articulate how that felt. And that’s when I heard it “the voice”. Then just like that I felt like a whole different person. I was someone who works in a corporate job for pathetic money and started living in a routine designed for mediocrity. I clearly remember this transition because I am an observer of life, I always was. Since then I always felt as if this wasn’t my life, one who is working for business jargons. I had different purpose in mind, to write. But I was nowhere close to realizing that life. After that for few days I wasn’t able to pull myself together I was mentally wrecked but I didn’t do anything about it. I started to accept things and felt secured and comforted by the predictability of life. And the moment when I learned to devour the certainty in my career and the ephemeral happy pills of money, I heard the voice again. The next instant I was in a room. As a little girl it was my room, full of books. I was clumsy, lying all day in bed reading and getting lost in the stories. At those days I actually believed being someone who tells one of those stories that touch people’s heart and had this picture in my mind with detailed precision, the picture was bright and colourful more importantly enlivened. “By this time you should know what I am going to say, I heard the voice again” she said. “And for the first time you not only heard it but started following it and got stuck here, isn’t it?” I mumble. “Yes, yes I did. And believe me I may appear as a very old lady who is a writer but it is just a reflection for you to see me. I am just a girl here in captivation” said the writer. “So tell me what I should do for us to be freed” I asked positively. “Us! No, ‘we’ can’t be freed but ‘you’ can be free. Find her, the owner of the voice and be patient” consoled the writer. “Wait, how did the voice call you out..?” I trailed. ““What if we don’t make it and lose what we have?” That’s how” she answered and disappear into thin air. And I am left in the beginning of the tunnel again.

I am exhausted and hungry. Feels like I have been here for several days. If I follow the voice I may be trapped here too but there is no way out other than facing the possessor of the voice. Besides I must help these people held captive here there are so many tunnels, can’t imagine how many more people are stuck here. How am I going to manage checking all these tunnels? I must strategize a plan soon? As pondering all this I came a long way into another tunnel. This one is blazing hot. Who am I going to meet now? I hear the sound of waves. It feels weird, I can’t go tunnel after tunnel. “We are running out of time” I hear it; I cannot follow the voice because it will make me vulnerable. And that is not the risk I want to take. “Risks uh? There is at least one, one has to take in life. Make sure you are not afraid of the beginnings after you take such risks” said someone standing beside me. I looked over and there she is, a woman with a strong built in her wetsuit. “Hey, so you followed the voice too” I asked sheepishly. You know the drill, she started “I was a surfer, not a pro never wanted to be a pro. But I was content just the way i was, being a work in progress. Had no strings attached. I was brave at heart and I got to embrace that every day out in the sea. I never considered myself as a nature person but when it comes to ocean I was always mesmerized. One day I was in the ocean, prone-out on my board waiting for the right waves to catch. Either the waves were too weak or too strong for me. I am good at taking risks but this time I was grubbing on my board I didn’t even try to manoeuvre and fell into the ocean without the leash of the board attached to me. It didn’t feel like sinking in the ocean instead I was transcending time. I was under water letting myself to drown, deep in the waters I was thinking about the depth of life and doubting whether I could have able to catch a bigger wave in life if i had stayed on the surface a little while. Among the preying sharks, am I ready for all the waves to come in my way? Instantly, I felt the pressure which was overwhelmingly intense I was in desperate need for oxygen. I couldn’t swim I couldn’t move I was no more this women I was just a little girl helpless in the vastness of the ocean. What I was doing then was what I ever wanted, but that woman wasn’t real anymore she seemed like she was and is ever going to be just an idea inside the girl I am now. That’s when I heard it “This is too big for us to start” the voice ricocheted through the water. I followed it, I swam deep into the trenches and here I am”. Tears overtook me, confusingly I no longer feel like it’s her story. I have it within me; this pain is too strong. The tears cannot be out of empathy it’s more than that. Why do I feel connected at the same time furious? I cannot go around tunnel after tunnel anymore. I must summon her here, I kept weeping for the reasons I don’t know. I just sat there broken, it was getting louder; the voice “we are running out of time”. However, I decided to be bold and closed my eyes to patiently listen to what the voice has to say.

 I could feel the fear in the voice. I kept on listening; whoever the voice belongs to she is scared. All of the sudden the protective instinct kicks in. I called out to her “No we are not, we have got plenty of time” I assured. The voice kept saying the same thing “We are running out of time” “We are running out of time”. “Running out of time for what? Come here I can show you, that is not true” I Said. “To be all that we wanted to be” she appeared in front of me answering my question. I was shook by what I saw. “Who are you?” I asked cautiously. “Don’t you see? I am the reflection of you. I am you, yourself”. “How could that be possible ? Me! ” I am startled. Why did you, no I..those hostages stuck..” I am unable to find the words. Nothing makes sense. “You are in your mind. We are in your mind” the voice said maybe my reflection said. It is like I am talking to myself; oh wait! I am talking to myself. And all the people stuck here they are fragments of me or more precisely what could have been me if I have not followed the voice, my voice and if i had took a moment to reflect on myself. The actress, the writer and the surfer those are the persons I wanted to become. Those are all the lives I have been idealizing, my dreams when I was young. But then all the things the voice told or I told myself “I don’t have what it takes, What if I don’t make it, This is too big for me to start” held me behind. Those people are the versions of myself in captivation because the voice belittled them, I belittled them depriving the possibilities I could have had. This must be stopped, I am drained and I can see my hands starting to vanish. I looked beside me and she is here, I am here numb and nervous. I held her in the hands and told her “I am not going to let that happen, this time I promise you which is I am promising myself we have got all the time in the world, not to succeed or to fail but to try” as I learned from all the encounters here "Whatever it is I want to do; I’ll just start and I will be fine, I will be patient and let myself breath and once I am ready to risk taking a leap I will not criticize what I have to embrace in my first step after that” as I promise her this, I gradually started to dissolve in to the thickness of air. The next moment I woke up, I am in my bed experiencing my breathing like a new born infant. I Rebecca Williams, 24 years old searching for purpose in life is trying to fathom what has happened. It was not a nightmare rather it was like I tapped into my subconscious in quest for a great epiphany, a much needed one. And for the first time in my life I got out of my bed ferociously determined to stop following my voices and started following my heart.