Alien to Me

The hand struck me before I even knew what was happening. A surprise attack but from an all too familiar assailant. “Who could ever love someone like you. Without me you’re nothing. You are so lucky I’m here!” His hand once again struck me and I went down. Collapsing into a useless heap. “I mean just look at you!” The monster I once gave my heart to, standing there, yelling over my body. Jacob, a boy I once admired, became a force I feared time after time.

His angry flurry of blows and slander became faded background noise. My nerves began to frost over and shut down. My eyes glazed over as I could feel every bit of light leaving. Being left alone with the darkness I’ve grown too close with. The monster is screaming more and more to be noticed. All the while I refused. I didn’t want to once again see someone I loved turned into such wickedness. Jacob grew to be noticed as he grabbed my chin and forced me to look up into his eyes. Glaring down at me as if I was anything less than human. A meer insect under his boot. The only thing looking back at him were blank, empty eyes. Becoming a shell due to years of abuse. 

Years of dealing with countless nights like this. Wanting nothing more than to help out after a long day and inturn becoming a human punching bag. Years of confronting a beast only to get torn down with his sharpened claws. Pain inflicted from someone I loved and someone who claimed they loved me. Only using me as a way to get out his daily frustrations. Years of wanting to give all I could only to be beaten and bruised while he claims I’m useless, but he loves me anyways. Being torn down only to be told that he still loves me even when everyone else will see someone who has no point living. 

This time I just couldn’t help but give up. I wanted to believe he loved me, but the size of the welts were louder than the slurs he currently threw down upon me. His beatings drew out any glimmer in my eyes. Any joy that was holding onto hope that things were going to be okay. But my nerves being shot was only another nail in the coffin. 

“This is over! I can’t keep doing this anymore!” I screamed into the void. Getting choked up as I steeled my nerves and stared down the beast. Wanting to scream over and over as the pain welled up inside my throat. An internal asphyxiation as I fought to breathe. 

The darkness I had tried to love only giving me a chuckle in response. “Oh I haven’t heard that one in a while… You think you can just get up and walk away from me!” At least he stopped with the blows as he crouched down. Still staring me down. “How many times do we have to go over this, my love?” He cupped my chin with mock gentleness. His dark eyes changed as they began to fill with tears. “I don’t do this out of animosity. We need each other to get through and you know I can’t control myself.”

I was now the one to give a laugh in response. “Everyone has a choice. I think it's finally clear which choices were made.” The fragile person he used to deal with was now being taken over by a monster of my own. A monster of his creation.

A monster some poor innocent soul was now having to see in the flesh. My own anger being the cause of fear in someone else. A tearful look being the very thing that pulled me from my dark past. The person I truly loved staring up at me in a way that made me feel sick to my stomach. David replaced Jacob's spot. No longer having my memories playing in the back of my mind. Seeing the savior that pulled me out of the hole looking back at me instead of the devil I feared nightly.

The vision I had was fading away. My eyesight blurred as tears began to fill my eyes. My own anger subsided the way I’ve seen countless times. My own irritation melted into guilt.

My nerves and body tensed up as I was ready to deal with the usual barrage of punches. But the monster from before was gone. The tearful and scared look in David's eyes changed into one of comfort and sorrow. Instead of dealing with punches that followed conflict, the person in front of me only caught me as I fell. 

His arms felt so strange around me all the while he whispered sweet nothing in my ears. A feeling began to well up inside me and only made the tears come down with ferocity. “You don’t java to worry babe. That person is long gone. I’m sorry if something brought back those terrible memories. But let me remind you that you can breathe easy. You are my everything.”

The moment those last words were spoken my nerves turned to ice and I grew immobile. Brushing my hair with his fingers he began to console me. “Why do you do this?” That was the only response I was able to get out. 

He went to cup my chin, but I pulled away. My fight or flight kicked in. David was persistent and made sure it was a gentle touch. Cupping my chin and wiping the tear streaks that had formed. Slowly moving my face to look up at his beautiful eyes. Flashes of the flames I stared down countless times crashed through my mind. Taking a deep inhale, I did my best to push them away. My blood filled with fear. “Why isn’t it simple? It's because I love you. You deserve to be protected instead of someone tearing you down.” His figure faded away as the tears came back once again.

“Come on babe.” His voice is naturally calm. David held me gently as he made sure that both of us got onto our feet. Pushing me away to be only a breath away he continued. “You mean the world to me and just as I’ve helped you with the pain you’ve gone through you’ve helped me with mine. Without you I would be nothing. Please never, ever forget that.” Instead of landing a painful blow that I grew all too comfortable with. He gave me a kiss dripping with pure admiration. It was in that uncomfortable moment that I finally knew the past was behind me and I was finally home.