Opening the door she stepped in, setting down her luggage with a thud.
“Finally, you’re home.” Mae jumped and swirled around as she heard the voice.
“I need you to come with me.”
“What are you doing in my house?!” Mae yelled at the man in the corner. Normally she would not have yelled but she had just gotten home from an emotionally exhausting business trip. On top of that she was quite done with other people and the annoyances they always seemed to bring to her life.
“We need your help” Mae blinked at him dumbfounded.
“What?”
“We need your help.”
Mae blinked again
“Who are you?” she asked teetering on the edge of yelling and crying.
“I’m from the navy and we need your help with an anomaly found on the ocean floor.” The man said as he stepped forward.
“Why me?” Mae said, almost to her breaking point.
“We need someone who specializes in oceanic myths.”
“But there are a billion and one other people who are more qualified than I am!” Mae said, barely keeping herself from screaming at him.
“I tend to agree with you but I’m not in charge and they told me to find you.” the man replied in an even voice making Mae even madder at him. Mae turned around again and made her way to the kitchen where she made herself a cup of tea and took it to the living room. The man was already in the living room but she tried to ignore him choosing instead to focus on the covers of all the books on her bookshelf. The Travels of Marco Polo, The Four Voyages of Christopher Columbus, Last Flight (a story about Amelia Earhert), and finally Jane Goodall's Animal world. She sighed and turned to the man who introduced himself as Axel.
“What do you need my help for exactly?” she asked now in a better mood although not great considering her hazel hair was matted from the muddy water splashed on her at the port and her grey dress was more of a brown then anything else.
“I can’t discuss details here.” Mae sighed again and finished the last of her tea.
“Is there anything you can tell me?” Mae questioned him. Axel replied saying
“I’ve told you all I can already. We found an anomaly on the ocean floor and we need an oceanic myth expert to help us.”
“And who exactly is us?” Mae queried hoping to maybe trip him up and get an answer. Axel stared at her blandly and didn’t answer. Mae rolled her eyes half annoyed.
“Well, how do I know I can trust you? I mean after all you did break into my house.” Just as Mae suspected Axel didn’t say a word and just flipped open what looked like a wallet but Mae knew it was credentials. She glanced at it and sighed as seemed to be her favorite way to respond at the moment.
“What do you want me to do?” Mae grudgingly asked.
Mae raised her eyebrows as the building came in sight. It wasn’t wide but it was tall. It didn’t look normal but at first she couldn’t place her finger on why. Then she realized, it didn’t have windows. It was all blank walls with only one door at the very bottom.
Mae followed Axel as they walked up to the door. She whistled as she saw the thick glass and heavy duty metal it was made of. Mae stopped observing the door as Axel swiped a card and the door swung open to admit them.
Mae blinked as she entered the brightly lit lounge room. There were big fluffy couches all over the place and a coffee maker in the corner.
“It really pays to work for the government,” Mae remarked. Yet again Axel didn’t smile and Mae, exasperated, sighed in resignation. They walked over to a desk where a woman sat and looked up as they approached.
“Name.” the woman asked Mae.
“Mae Britches.” she said self consciously. Axel snorted barely covering it up in time and Mae stared at him in annoyance and equal amazement.
“Cleared” Mae was startled out of her revelry as the woman spoke and handed her a lanyard to put on. She nodded her head towards the woman and didn’t get an answer.
“Is anyone here ever going to acknowledge me?” she said out loud fully expecting to get no answer from Axel. She was not disappointed.
After some time they came to another door and again Axel swiped his card to let them in.
“Ah. Welcome Miss. Mae,” the man in the room Axel had opened hesitated before falling silent and Mae assumed he didn’t know whether to say her last name. However soon he continued saying
“I bet you are wondering why you are here although hopefully Axel has filled you in a bit.”
“Only that you need my help with some anomaly or something like that.” Mae said a little in annoyance at the fact that she still didn’t know what she was supposed to do.
“Yes. we couldn’t exactly tell you everything in a insecure spot however now that you are here I shall fill you in.” Mae raised her eyebrows at the mention of an insecure spot. What was that supposed to mean?
They walked through a door and Mae blinked as she entered the significantly darker room. What was with these people and their problems with lighting and talking she wondered inwardly rolling her eyes which seemed to be her new favorite reaction from sighing. The man stopped on a sort of balcony which had stairs on each side going down and looked out over a room filled with electronics and a few people manning them.
“Oh,” the man said, “my name is Mark” Mae looked out observing the activity of all the people down below.
“What is this place?” she said wondering aloud
“Did Axel not tell you?” Mark questioned her
“He doesn’t seem to be a huge fan of answering questions that require more than one word” she answered now that he was out of the room. Mark smiled
“Yes that is very true. This is our submarine navy base” Mae eyed the room in a new light and for the first time noticed the hidden cameras and the doors on the side that she assumed armed men could rush out of at a moment's notice to intervene if necessary.
“Wow,” Mae knew it was pitiful but at the moment it was all she could think of,
“So why do you need me?”
“Yes. let me show you.” Mark led her down the stairs and in front of a ginormous screen.
“Clay,”
“Yes sir?” asked who Mae assumed to be Clay.
“Put the pictures on the screen to show Miss. Mae” again he faltered and Mae guessed he was used to using people's last names as well as their firsts.
“Yes sir” Mae was startled out of her thoughts, which seemed to be a regular occurrence, as Clay responded. Mae looked up as pictures flashed up on the screen. They were cloudy but it was clear enough for her to see a lighthouse.
“They look normal enough to me” Mae told Mark
“They did to me at first also, until they told me It was on the ocean floor.” Mae looked at him and started laughing.
“You called me here to help you with that?” she said in amazement. Mark looked puzzled
“Yes”
“You don’t have to be an expert to know that lighthouses are near the water,” Mae she said incredulously, “the water levels probably just rose and covered it up” Mae looked at Mark and a look of understanding crossed his face which Mae thought to mean he had not thought of that but it made perfect sense now, However she was surprised when he said
“Ah. Miss. Mae I seem to have forgotten to tell you that this was found in the middle of the pacific ocean with no land for hundreds of miles in every direction.” Mae stared at him, stunned,
“What?” Mark didn’t answer and Mae swore because she was tired of these people and wanted to go home and take a nap.
“I don’t care about you people, nor your stupid lighthouse! I never should have agreed to come at all!!” Mae swore again and stomped out of the building about to drive home when she realized Axel had driven her in his car and she swore again. Mark came out of the building and told her that the lighthouse was in pristine shape not like it had been left in the ocean to rot for hundreds of years and that it was made of coral, then came the real kicker
“It could boost your career.” Mae stared at him and swore, her favorite way of expressing herself seemed to have changed for the third time today.
“Fine” Mae was mad at herself but she needed a career boost really badly. Her business trip had gone badly and she had lost all her funds as well as her best team member who had gone with the funders to start his own research. So as the sun set in the distance Mae stepped inside letting Mark steer her through all of the twists and turns back to the room and back to the coral lighthouse.
EPILOGUE
Mae stood on the deck of the ship, her hands on the rail enjoying the wind in her hair.
She had just come back from the coral lighthouse and was happy. She didn’t know what was to come or what she was going to do next but she didn’t need to. She knew that this moment held memories that she would remember for the rest of her life. She knew that this moment she was in she was surrounded by new friends whom she would spend the rest of her life enjoying. She knew that this moment was happy and that was all she needed. She didn’t need money, she didn’t need fancy clothes, as long as she was surrounded by friends, as long as she had the wind in her hair, she was happy, and that was enough.
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10 comments
Back again Abby. Do you mind if I feature this on my blog so that others can find you as well? If so, you can email me at zealcraze@tutanota.com and send me any social media links I can attach. All credits will be strictly to you. The site is zealcrazewall.wordpress.com and I’ll be posting it on Saturday. I won’t make any changes or edits to the original. Just showcasing the talent. Cheers 🥰
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The humor in this piece is really strong and I loved it. It was well written with proper grammar and punctuation too. Aside from that however, there's a lot of repetition that got annoying (for example, her continually saying that swearing and sighing was becoming her favorite every time she swore and sighed). The dialogue was somewhat confusing with who was speaking each time. You could try keeping the dialogue in one line if it's the same person talking, after their cue. (For example, "I hate you," I shouted. "I really hate you) Instea...
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Thanks so much! Your feedback is great and I will try to work on repetition and the dialogue.
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I liked the emotion and that you included humor. I do agree that, at certain points, I couldn't match the who with what was just said or done. I like how the epilogue was joyful, but it kept you guessing why and what had happened. It left something to the imagination.
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Thank you!
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It was really good but the dialogue was kinda confusing.
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Thank you for the feedback. Do you have an example so I can try to focus on making that better?
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would it have been better if I had indented each piece of conversation as well as giving it its own line?
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Yes. Also, you often don't say who is talking. Another thing was you said that Mae swore several times. Sometimes I wasn't sure if you meant cursing or swearing like pinky promising. But I really liked it over all.
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okay. thanks.
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