The Side Character

I never knew how hard it was to make a decision until I was really there, feet glued on the spot and feeling like throwing up because of the certain situation.

Ben stood at the doorframe of our homeroom, eyes stuck on my direction. Mike’s arms rested around my shoulders as he showed me the latest music video of his favorite artist. But I wasn’t paying attention on his screen.

My eyes were on Ben. I saw pain crossed his face before turning around, scratching his plan of entering the room.

I didn’t know what to do.

I'm torn between staying beside Mike or to take steps towards Ben. Both are important. Both are precious. How can I choose?

I met Ben in grade school. He defended me from the bullies which crafted four blissful years of friendship. A typical situation of how two young people started off as friends with one falling in love with the other in the process.

Yes, I fell in love with my best friend. I thought nothing could get more cliché then.

But when I was about to confess what I felt for him, his family decided to go back to Korea.

“Here.” He removed his bracelet, the one he’s been using since I could remember. He took my hand and slid it on my wrist.

“What’s this?” I swallowed hard as his moving out of the country finally sank in.

“I believe it’s what they call a bracelet,” he teased, earning a slap on the shoulder from me. “Gee, I don’t know. Maybe some sort of memory from me? You know, in case you forget me.”

I could never forget you. I wanted to tell him. But of course, I didn’t. I never had the guts to.

I could only hold on to that bracelet. Hoping one day, he'll come back. And on that day, if nothing changes, I could confess my feelings for him.

Five years have passed. I was already in tenth grade then. I had friends but nothing came close to my friendship with Ben. Maybe I worshipped our friendship too much that I became recluse after he left. Maybe I hoped too much. I clung on my bracelet as if it was our friendship's lifeline. He disappeared as if he never even existed in my life. No texts, no chats. Did he forget me?

Maybe he did. Maybe he didn’t.

Maybe I just became that one girl he became friends with in his childhood days. Maybe for him, I’m just an old and dusty memory that he’ll only remember at the mention of my country.

As much as I value our friendship, maybe he didn’t feel the same. Maybe I’m not that important.

“Screw this weather.”

I was listening to the sound of the rain falling on the roof of our room as I stood there at the door. I was pissed for not bringing my umbrella. Who would have thought it will rain this hard when it was scorching hot earlier?

Though some of my classmates, who also didn’t have their umbrellas with them, were happily chatting inside, I on the other hand wanted leave. It’s not like I have a circle to spend some time with while waiting for the rain to stop.

That was when Mike approached me, clearing his throat to catch my attention, and asked if I wanted to share with his umbrella. I was taken aback. That was our first not-project-or-group-work-related interaction even though we’ve been on the same class for two years.

Not that he’s hard to deal with. Maybe I just hated the fact that he’s from Korea and transferred here two years ago that I purposely avoided any unnecessary interactions with him.

That certain 'umbrella moment' sparked our friendship. I thought by then, I had already forgotten my feelings towards Ben. Because I fell for my best friend. Again.

“So, why did you leave Korea?”

“Can’t I leave Korea?”

“I just knew some people who left to Korea. Not the other way around. What made you leave?”

It took him a while, might be pondering a good reason to shut me up because he knew I won’t put this to rest until I hear a proper answer from him.

“Let’s say you got burned, will you still stay and play with fire?”

Weirded out by his question, I played along.

“Uhm, no. Who would stay after getting hurt?”

“Exactly.” He gave me a sad smile. “Love’s not easy, Kristine.”

That actually worked. It did shut me up.

It was our last year in senior high school. Before going in our separate ways, I planned to confess my feelings for Mike. But fate seemed to love messing with me.

Because Ben came back.

It was awkward for the both of us. We would greet each other and I knew I saw recognition in his eyes. He remembered me.

But it was the time things got weirder. Every time Ben’s around, Mike would act all sweet with me and he’s not a sweet guy. Ben would stop on his tracks; stare at us, before leaving. I was torn and confused.

So here we are now.

Ben left our room. I excused myself from Mike and ran after him. I wanted to clear things. It’s not him anymore and I knew it. He was far too late.

“Ben, wait!” I managed to catch up to him. He stopped walking and gave me a small forced smile.

“What’s up?” He casually asked.

“Can we talk?” He remained silent. “What’s wrong?”

“Have you tried falling in love?” I fell silent. “Love is easy. We’re the ones making it hard.”

I felt my heart breaking and sinking as he poured his heart out.

“I met this someone long ago. We were okay, but I screwed up. Now that someone seemed happy with someone else now. I just wanted to continue what we’ve started.”

What I heard next from him broke my heart and left my mouth agape.

"Kristine, I'm in love with your best friend."