Voices Unheard

DISCLAIMER: This text is highly focused on mental health, suicide awareness, and the tragic effects it has on people worldwide. Know you matter, are heard and seen, and that there is always someone to reach out to. Thank you.

The padded rooftop of the bus stop proved relatively useless as Jack felt the droplets of rain setting into his skin from above. Without pattern or shape, they continued to fall, as inevitable as the turn of the Earth.

Looking to the sky for any sign of stopping the downpour, he felt a slight sense of emptiness. Unlike the regular autopilot he'd been accustomed to at times, this one was more sentient. A gaping hole in his emotions that undoubtedly should be there. The rain itself even had a purpose: to water him and the world. Jungles and cities. But it felt like he didn't really have his own anymore.

Happy people and sad people both got rained on. Jack wondered if that really meant anything.

The sidewalk was barren of life, cracked at the curb and leading a black mark across it's surface. The water had overtaken, making it look slick and dangerous. The bus would likely be slowing itself, maybe half an hour slower pace to not hydroplane before it picked him up.

The bus stop was isolated. Nothing much to the left or right other than road and grass. No guard rail either, but on flat land there wasn't much need for one other than to stop lunatics from drifting into rest stops.

With the patter of the rain, Jack heard a second set. A deeper, thicker pat-pat of impossibly heavy water.

"You like the rain or just stuck?" asked a soft, feminine voice from behind, along with the sudden stop of footsteps.

"What the hell?" Jack turned, his voice leveling out as he saw a young woman holding a matte black umbrella with contrasting white teeth. Her dimples met at the edges of her lips and gave fullness to her cheeks. She seemed relatively dry, other than the tops of her shoes which were soaked from walking.

"Oh I'm sorry! Sorry!" The lady quickly fumbled, her free hand reaching at her mouth as if it were a reflex. "Didn't mean to scare you, it's just nobody normally comes here for the bus. Especially not when it rains? There's basically no cover." She explained, shaking the tip of her umbrella to represent how she brought her own protection from the downpour. Jack collected his breath once more, using a hand against his forehead to see her clearly under the rain.

"Yeah, first time actually. Sorry."

"No problem! I'm Sienna."

"Jack."

There was a slight moment of silence as Sienna removed a towel from what seemed a purse, and wiped down a metallic seat as she rested her legs. The umbrella separated her from the skies, and Jack felt it awkward to speak any further.

"So why is it your first time?" Sienna broke the obviously wanted silence, but Jack had respect for her extroverted confidence.

"I'm moving on." He stated simply, his mind trying to fly anywhere but here in this moment.

"I hate to be nosy, but from what?"

"Nothing I did." Jack sighed, nervously figuring out where his hands should be or what way his arms should droop to his hips.

"Well if it helps, I'll tell you all about me." Sienna spoke through the paneled rooftops clanking, as the rain didn't hesitate to slap the small building. "I'm on my way to see some family. I normally go once a week but, I felt like leaving early today. Crazy coincidence, huh?"

Sienna, when Jack compared her directly to himself, was as different as the umbrella and her teeth. She spoke almost endlessly with passion, life, and purpose. Every word felt caring, as if his reply was all the syllables needed to be complete. Somehow it kept him talking, even though it was against his wishes. Jack was quiet now, very stoic and dull. He knew he was losing his flair, but modestly, he didn't much put effort to bring it back.

"I'm leaving. I made a mistake."

"What kind?"

"The kind you can't take back."

Sienna sat in a short, mislead bracket of silence. Like a rest on a staff, she soon chirped back at Jacks words.

"Well, fill me in. What are the chances you see me again?"

Jack sighed, moving backwards and taking a seat next to this woman he had never met. His eyes watered although his body were empty. Guilt very lightly was cutting his wrists inversely, and the conversation was holding by only the anonymous possibility to vent.

"I'm a therapist. A, uh, couple therapist. I help couples." He spoke tenderly, the exposure to speaking up about how he felt almost closing his throat. "I had a couple come in a few months ago from today. Two wonderful people, the both of them."

Sienna nodded, scooting closer as the umbrella now covered the both of them. The tears were enough to keep Jack wet.

"Cooper and Gracie. They loved one another more than any two people I've probably ever dealt with. Cooper told me everyday. He was obsessed with that girl. Overjoyed when he said her name, the guy didn't even look like he needed to be there." Jack explained, the words now spilling faster and faster as the pressure increased to get it out.

"Gracie was a different deal, though. She was mope-y, always drooping and dragging her feet behind her. Cooper was her life force, no doubt, but keeping her interested in anything was harder than getting her to talk."

Sienna respectfully spoke up, her eyes not connecting with anything but the ground. "And they still come to you now?"

"Not exactly."

"What does that have to do with you being here, of all places?" Sienna asked in a still yet positive nip, her words sheltered gently with the fading importance of the rain.

"They came to me for weeks. Gracie was never happy, Cooper couldn't seem to understand her. Kind of basic issues, yeah, but my job was to explain how they could cope and bend to help one another. I tried. I really did." Jack hurt his own stomach as he spoke from clenching it without knowing.

Relationships. He'd adjusted to them his whole life. He'd seen the evil and good of them, but to be monotone was always his superpower in therapy. Being mentally strong, he could always handle the weight of other people's stress. Even Cooper and Gracie, the water and fire of love. Cooper was the optimist, and indisputably Gracie was the pessimist of sorts. Cooper smiled at even the minor inconveniences, and Gracie would break down in tears. They rocked each other down, the opposite forces of both of them a perfect net zero.

Maybe they were a better match than Jack had presumed them to be.

"It was a lot. I can normally handle a lot. I gave the best advice I could, separately to them both. When they wanted to speak together, I told them both how functional relationships aren't perfect, either. How love isn't necessarily about the relativity of two people but how they operate together. That was rich coming from me of all people, though. I've never been in a relationship myself."

Sienna frowned, listening to Jack with unbiased ears. She kept rubbing her palms up and down the fabric of her pants, and Jack could now see the hazel refraction in her pupils. They reminded him of a dense forest, where he could lie and rest from even his thoughts.

"Maybe three weeks passed, and truly I assumed they were getting better. Gracie still was iffy, and I made sure Cooper stayed by her side so no..." Jack trailed off, not wanting to finish that sentence. Sienna understood. "Um. We went on for a couple weeks, and I was getting videos of the dates they went on and checking social media profiles to see how active they were being. In all the pictures, Cooper seemed beyond blessed, and Gracie just looked awful mentally. Little sleep nor care for her hygiene was leading me to believe it was depression."

Jack leaned back, his head resting on the seat of the bench as Sienna took over for him.

"What dates did they go on? Or is that a weird question?"

"No, no. Of course not. They went to a lot of restaurants, but the best one I saw was a vacation to New York. Cooper even called me on the way up there to let me know how it was going."

Jack even managed to smile a bit through the wrenching in his gut. Sienna smiled with him, and the wind began to blow alongside the rain.

"So the next appointment, I clearly took Gracie to the side. To speak with her: I wondered if maybe, although my mind highly doubted it, Cooper was the problem. I mean, really, it was disheartening to see how tired she was almost every second." Jack felt the back of his neck, the goosebumps from the cold breeze running around all his exposed skin. "I asked her some subtle questions first about Cooper. Ones I'd already asked a million times, but Gracie seemed so in love. Never said a word about him abusing her or even raising his tone in her direction. It was super confusing at the time."

Sienna seemed confused at this point: Jack knew eventually he would have to explain how this pushed him to a height of leaving the area, but it would come. And until that bus came, she didn't seem to be in any hurry. He exhaled.

"For weeks I pushed her to even remotely give me hints that Cooper might be harming her. But I could see it fondly in her eyes that Cooper was her one. And the way he treated her in our Facetime calls and openly in front of me never implied he was a bad guy. She didn't flinch at his touch or cower when he was around.

"I even talked to Cooper. About his home life, about his religious preference. He was a young man of God who was raised really well. He seemed kind and honest: he told me he was patient and thought himself very peaceful. I couldn't decipher anything to explain Gracie."

The glare of distant lights on the graying road made Jack slightly gasp. He'd forgotten even where he was, and the comfort of this woman he'd never met and the purposeful rain had let him feel at ease.

"Please continue. It'll come." She said in a hushed tone.

Jack nodded, estimating the bus probably a couple more minutes out.

"Two days ago, I got a call from some representative saying that my client had committed suicide."

Sienna kept silent, the tears beginning to form even in her eyes. Jack tried holding himself together, to little avail.

"I asked when, why, and how to contact either of them. I tried cell numbers, but wasn't getting any replies. Until about two hours later, of fear and doubt, when the phone finally picked up."

Her eyes enlarged as she awaited for Jack to continue, his voice croaking as the sound of an approaching bus only got louder.

"I was convinced that Gracie had done it. I wouldn't have been surprised. As awful as it is, she was never more than miserable unless it was with Cooper. But she picked up the phone."

Jack felt his throat wavering, the density of his chest making him prop his own head up.

"Cooper had killed himself. That bright, happy young man didn't tell anyone about his struggle. I didn't have any idea. God, I tried..." Jack cried, feeling his stomach sicken with the statements. "He took such good care of Gracie. She told me that she didn't know, about how awful she felt and how there were no signs. How could she have known? Even I didn't. He smiled, he laughed, he posted online like any other person would."

Sienna ran a hand along his back, but Jack wasn't feeling her touch so fondly now. The rain continued to thunder down, and the bus lights were beginning to encompass the bus stop.

"I am so sorry. I am so sorry." Sienna whispered, her voice trailing into his ears like the wind itself. "You have to forgive yourself. You didn't know."

Jack nodded, wiping his face with an already drenched sleeve. The bus screeched as it pulled forward, the doors vaguely opening at the base of the bus stop, and Sienna helped him rise to his feet.

"You didn't know. But now, you can know it for yourself. Reach out, Jack. Stop being silent before you can't speak anymore."

Jack finally removed his arm from his face, to free his vision as him and Sienna walked onto the bus. But when his head turned to where her arms had just been wrapped around his sides and the umbrella had been shading his head, there was no one. Not a soul in sight at the isolated bus stop, and the window of the driver was slowly revving down.

"Yo, you getting on? It's like a hurricane out here."

Jack quickly nodded, assuring there was no lady around before he stepped up and into the bus. The doors behind him closed, and he looked down every aisle for Sienna, hoping she'd rushed in before he could.

There were empty seats, and some filled with faces he had never seen. He frowned, his tears unable to longer spill, and her words seemed to ring in his head: Stop being silent before you can't speak anymore.

Jack moved up the rows, making room in a free aisle at the edge. The bus rumbled along, bumping and wiping gathering water from the screen in the front. Music played lightly in the speakers, and the smell of perfume and aging both swirled throughout the bus.

He pulled out his dry, untouched phone, and dialed in a number. He awaited the ring, his eyes following the empty bus stop from the window.

"Hi, how may I help you today?" spoke an approachable, gentle male from the other side of the phone. Jack took a deep breath at those words, the developing sweat on his brow sliding down his cheeks as well as a couple tear drops.

"I need help." Jack began to smile, even in his emptiness feeling a sudden spark. He felt less hopelessness and a small: even minuscule sliver of hope. He lightly sobbed, the weight in his stomach and pouring rain reminding him everything has a purpose.

Especially him.